Is it rude to invite people to the pool but make them pay the guest fee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:are you going to charge the host for bringing your gift?

THIS

[Anonymous]

Not the OP, but we do not have $15 in "some other part of our family budget" to host guests at the pool. My kids don't go to camp, we don't eat out, we don't pay to go to kids' shows or movies, we don't take family vacations, we don't have cable TV: the pool is what we do in the summer and there is no "other part" of our family budget to host guests on a regular basis. Believe what you want to believe, but not everyone just writes off the pool as one more thing among many that we're spending our enormous piles of money on. We do have one couple with whom we are longtime friends and with whom we regularly get together for dinner; in the summer those get-togethers often happen at our pool and we do pay for them. However, that relationship is one where we are often sharing the buying of food or beer/wine, so that is already built into the dynamic of our relationship.

I am happy to offer someone access to our pool that they would not already have, but I'm clear that's what I'm offering, not a "playdate" in the sense that we have an obligation to pay. Truthfully, the kids are hardly ever in the same place at the same time when we're at the pool, so it's very different than hosting at someone's house.

Well, I am coming at it from the perspective of someone who doesn't do those things and also doesn't have half a grand to spend on a pool membership. If you have have spent all or most of your budget that half-grand pool membership, just be very upfront that you expect people to pay so that they can decline and arrange something else with you. Frankly, I cannot understand why people feel that "access" to their private pool is something that other people should be clammoring for. There are many lovely public pools in this area.
If I owned a share in a petting zoo (which I don't), it would seem very strange to me (and rude) to say to a friend, "hey, would you and your family like to join us at our petting zoo? $5 each." But to each their own. Obviously some people don't feel it is rude, and if someone else wants to pay a fee for an invite, it is a free country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like what you've done. "Welcome to join us" is perfect.
And since you aren't paying their way, they won't feel obligated to return the favor. Just friends getting together.

Perfect.

I agree with this. The entire exchange began with the other mother issuing an invitation for a play date, the offer of joining at the pool was the alternative to declining their invitation. So it was more of a mutual agreement to do this activity-- very different from hosting a party at the pool, for example. I think it's especially fine since it seems that the other mother is accompanying the pool family. If the pool mother picks up the other child to bring to the pool, it may be more appropriate to pay for the child. Same as if going to the movies. I'd probably pay for another child's ticket if he or she came with us to the movies, but if the other parent were there also, I'd expect them to pay for their own.

I also think it depends a little on the relationship between the two families. With people we didn't know as well, it would feel more like hosting and we'd more likely pay their guest fee. With close friends, it would feel like a mutual activity with each family paying for themselves.

I'm with this. In our town, there are no "free" or "low cost" pool options, so we don't belong to one. I'm always thrilled when my kids are given the opportunity to go to the pool, and will happily pay. I think mentioning the fee up front is fine. It does seem similar to me to going to the movies or playing mini golf. If the whole family is coming, they can pay for themselves. If it's just one child on a play date, I'll pay for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher/mom and I always let my friends/family know that they are welcome to come to the pool this summer. I would be broke very quickly if I paid the $10 guest fee for everyone. Maybe in DCUMland, $10 per person is nothing but it is a lot to me. None of my friends/family expect me to pay for them either. We invited my son's friend to the pool last week and his mom sent him with $15. $10 for the pool and $5 for a snack. I told her I always pack a lunch and I packed something for him. We stay for 4-5 hrs at least too b/c $10 is too much to be there for only an hour or two.

I understand where you're coming from, finance-wise, but I do think that if an invitation is issued, unless the issuer mentions the fee in the invitation and asks the guests to pay, they should be paying for their guests.

As a politeness, I would send fees with my child, too, although I'd be surprised if the inviting parents didn't decline them and pay for my child. If I knew they had financial issues, that, of course, would change my response, and I'd be respectfully insistent about paying.

Yes, I always mention how much the guest fee is. I think the fee is too high but there isn't much I can do about it. The few friends/family members that come once or twice a summer don't belong to a pool themselves so they don't mind paying for a few visits. I save money from each paycheck from late August until March to pay for our membership so I cannot afford to pay for other people. Sometimes we are invited to go to the movies, I would never expect someone else to pay for us. Same thing IMO.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

I dont think anyone is clamoring to be at my private pool. However, the mom wanted her kids to play with my kids and my kids will be at the pool - where they are every day after camp.

Her kids will also see a lot of their other friends at the pool, so they would probably have more fun than at a public pool - just from a social perspective.

I was very upfront about the $5 fee. I said, we are at the pool and you are welcome to join us - the guest fee is $5. It is up to her to accept or decline, although I do feel like it was a little rude. However, we invite our friends to join us all the time (many of whom cannot afford the full membership). I always say, let us know if you ever want to meet us at the pool - the guest fee is only $5. Some accept and some decline, but its still cheaper for them than joining. If we paid for everyone we invited, it would really add up.

I wouldnt be offended if someone told me about the guest fee but I can see how someone might think it was rude. Oh well, I am friends with this mom and an sure she wont hold it against me.

[Anonymous]

NP here, when I invite guests to our pool, I let them know that there are guest fees. I ALWAYS provide dinner/wine and beer and so I never thought I was being rude by asking them to pay for their guest fees. It's not as if I am asking them for money for myself-- but it is the pools fee...If I provide dinner and I don't mean hot dogs, but a nice grilled dinner (fish, pork, chicken what have you) and beverages, I am being rude??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher/mom and I always let my friends/family know that they are welcome to come to the pool this summer. I would be broke very quickly if I paid the $10 guest fee for everyone. Maybe in DCUMland, $10 per person is nothing but it is a lot to me. None of my friends/family expect me to pay for them either. We invited my son's friend to the pool last week and his mom sent him with $15. $10 for the pool and $5 for a snack. I told her I always pack a lunch and I packed something for him. We stay for 4-5 hrs at least too b/c $10 is too much to be there for only an hour or two.

How is being a [/b]teacher[b] germane to the topic?

[Anonymous]

As a guest to other people's pools, I would like if they would tell me how much the guest fee is and I would happily pay it. Since we aren't able to make it to the pool much in the summer, I don't want to join, but enjoy the occasional trip.

[Anonymous]

If I specifically invited my child's friend to the pool, or a movie, or an amusement park, I would plan to pay for that child the same as I do for my own. But then again, I don't issue so many invitations to these sorts of things that the cost becomes prohibitive. I would feel rude extending an invitation and then asking for payment.

On the other hand, if I make plans with a friend of mine whose kids are friends through us, we generally split costs for whatever activity we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once or twice, the member pays. every week - guest pays. Sort of the difference between issuing an invitation and couple of friends mutually deciding to go to the pool.

This. One or two times, you pay. If you're bringing them all the time, then they can start picking up the tab or join the pool themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like what you've done. "Welcome to join us" is perfect.
And since you aren't paying their way, they won't feel obligated to return the favor. Just friends getting together.

Perfect.

A true invite where you ask them to pay is rude. But "welcome to join us but there's a guest fee" in response to their invitation is fine. I'd probably just pay it myself, but if I were the other family I'd be happy to pay too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you were going to the movies?

"I'm so sorry, we can't get together this afternoon -- I promised Larla we'd go see the matinee of Monsters UNiversity and we already bought the tickets. DO you want to come along? The mantinee is $6 kids $8 adults and we're leaving at 2:00."


What if you had plans to go to 6 Flags?

Why do you need to pay if you invited a whole family to join you?

This is a totally different situation...the key word here is that OP INVITED THEM

But there's a difference between inviting someone to a planned event, and inviting them to come along with you on an outing. In my mind the difference is, are you inviting the parents/whole family?

If my kid wants to invite Rebecca to the movies, to play mini-golf, or to go swimming -- I assume I am paying everything for our guest.

But if Rebecca's mom calls and asks us to go play at the park, and I say, Sorry, we have plans already to go to the movies, pool, mini-golf... want to come along? I don't think it is rude for Rebecca's mom to pay for all their tickets.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you can't pay this one time. You did invite them-it's not like an amusement park where everyone has to pay at the time of entrance. Since it was such a small amount and to not set a precedent, I would just, when you meet up where you have to pay, just breezily say, "I got this one today. You can pay next time." End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you were going to the movies?

"I'm so sorry, we can't get together this afternoon -- I promised Larla we'd go see the matinee of Monsters UNiversity and we already bought the tickets. DO you want to come along? The mantinee is $6 kids $8 adults and we're leaving at 2:00."


What if you had plans to go to 6 Flags?

Why do you need to pay if you invited a whole family to join you?

This is a totally different situation...the key word here is that OP INVITED THEM

And movies and 6 flags are open to everyone every day of they year so there is no need to be invited to gain entrance.

[Anonymous]

If a friend invited me to the pool and it was $5 for me to enter I would NOT expect her to pay - I'd be embarrassed if she did. Some of you are complaining that the OP is cheap, but maybe you should take a look in the mirror. Not only are you cheap, but you'd take advantage of someone who is trying to arrange a fun playdate.

When your friends invite you to dinner at a restaurant do you expect them to pay for your meal, too?