MIL threw away our coffee mugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone for the support. I really am just speechless. I may have to feign some sort of illness (from overuse of former coffee mugs) and skip spending time with her this Sunday.

I guess that's a whole other issue - I am fine with DH spending time with her without me this Sunday, while I stay home with the kids. Is that ok?

Who cares - that's what I'm doing. I think I'll take the kids shopping for new coffee mugs. There, I feel better already. Thanks DCUM!

Great idea, OP! Happy Mother's Day!

[Anonymous]

Those glass mugs are really dangerous. Hasn't she been keeping up with all the exploding Pyrex stories?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those glass mugs are really dangerous. Hasn't she been keeping up with all the exploding Pyrex stories?

Heh. If OP had seen MIL on Mother's Day, she should have gone with her hand wrapped in a bandage, and told MIL that one of the glass mugs exploded and cut her hand!

[Anonymous]

What goes around, comes around. Someday, OP will be helping her DH clean out his mother's place and she can toss MIL's stuff out to her heart's content.

[Anonymous]

Is there a history of this kind of thing with your MIL?

Is she otherwise invasive? Meddling? Has she given you stuff before, saying it was better/safer/nicer than what you already had (but without throwing out your existing stuff as well)?

If so -- then this is a long pattern and she needs to be called out on it. Your husband, as her son, needs to tell her, "Although you believe you meant well, Wife is upset. Those mugs had sentimental value for her and had been collected over many years. You, mom, collect thing X -- can you imagine how you would feel if you came home and all your collection was simply gone? That is how Wife is feeling. And we disagree that there was a health risk with these items. You can't replace them now but please be aware that Wife and I both feel like our home and our choices were very seriously disrespected."

Seething and posting online won't get any message through to her. Husband needs to TELL her this. Telling her angrily will only make her defensive. Telling her frankly but calmly may get through better, or at least make you both feel better even if it doesn't get through to her.

There is another possibility: If she has not had a lifelong pattern of this meddling or invading your privacy -- do you see any signs that she might just be on the edge of an early dementia? The signs of dementia in older people take many different forms, but any big change in behavior should be watched. If she has not previously done anything like this, ask yourself: Does she also seem to feel suddenly that she must change this or that? Does she seem to be talking a lot more about "this mug is going to kill you" or "this item is full of poisonous coatings" or "this food isn't properly cooked or washed, we'll all get sick and die" and so on? Paranoia can be a sign of dementia. And if she's on the young side that doesn't necessarily matter -- I have a couple of friends whose parents had early-onset dementias of different types, and paranoia and unusual behaviors were clearly present in all those cases.

So, if this is a one-off act that seems out of character -- there may be more reason to be concerned than to be angry.

Whatever the case, evil MIL or potentially troubled MIL, I would change the locks and not give her a new key. No need to create some huge rift by telling her -- just do it.

[Anonymous]

At least it sounds like DH is on your side. She's a mess!

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you do on Mother's Day? Did you avoid MIL? Did you regift the glass mugs back to her?

[Anonymous]

that's crazy. we're the old mugs in the trash?

[Anonymous]

this story is 3 years old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this story is 3 years old

So? Now I'm curious if she found the mugs in the trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Ask DH to buy you a special mug for this Sunday. Then every time your MIL comes over to your house, give her coffee in this mug. Tell her you threw away the mugs she bought because you hated them. If she gets upset, shrug and say you didn't think it'd be a big deal since she threw away yours.

Passive-aggressive for the win!

+1

Or go to a thrift store and buy mismatched mugs and replace her matching set with them.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, so what happened? Did you give the mugs back to her? I'd like to see what something like this does to a family 3 years later!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'd love to hear an update

[Anonymous]

She's not crazy. She's trying to be helpful. The glaze on colored mugs can contain lead and cause cancer.

California puts warnings on all it's mugs.

"California Law Requires This Warning. This product contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer, birth defects other reproductive harm."

We only have clear glass coffee mugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not crazy. She's trying to be helpful. The glaze on colored mugs can contain lead and cause cancer.

California puts warnings on all it's mugs.

"California Law Requires This Warning. This product contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer, birth defects other reproductive harm."

We only have clear glass coffee mugs.

Even if she were trying to be helpful, she ought to have discussed the potential lead issue with her DIL, not let herself into her DIL's house and thrown out the mugs.

I know this story is 3 years old, but it was a fun thread to bring back!

I'm curious if the OP is still around! Would like to know the end of this story!