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[quote=Anonymous]Is there a history of this kind of thing with your MIL?

Is she otherwise invasive? Meddling? Has she given you stuff before, saying it was better/safer/nicer than what you already had (but without throwing out your existing stuff as well)?

If so -- then this is a long pattern and she needs to be called out on it. Your husband, as her son, needs to tell her, "Although you believe you meant well, Wife is upset. Those mugs had sentimental value for her and had been collected over many years. You, mom, collect thing X -- can you imagine how you would feel if you came home and all your collection was simply gone? That is how Wife is feeling. And we disagree that there was a health risk with these items. You can't replace them now but please be aware that Wife and I both feel like our home and our choices were very seriously disrespected."

Seething and posting online won't get any message through to her. Husband needs to TELL her this. Telling her angrily will only make her defensive. Telling her frankly but calmly may get through better, or at least make you both feel better even if it doesn't get through to her.

There is another possibility: If she has[u] not[/u] had a lifelong pattern of this meddling or invading your privacy -- do you see any signs that she might just be on the edge of an early dementia? The signs of dementia in older people take many different forms, but any big change in behavior should be watched. If she has not previously done anything like this, ask yourself: Does she also seem to feel suddenly that she must change this or that? Does she seem to be talking a lot more about "this mug is going to kill you" or "this item is full of poisonous coatings" or "this food isn't properly cooked or washed, we'll all get sick and die" and so on? Paranoia can be a sign of dementia. And if she's on the young side that doesn't necessarily matter -- I have a couple of friends whose parents had early-onset dementias of different types, and paranoia and unusual behaviors were clearly present in all those cases.

So, if this is a one-off act that seems out of character -- there may be more reason to be concerned than to be angry.

Whatever the case, evil MIL or potentially troubled MIL, I would change the locks and not give her a new key. No need to create some huge rift by telling her -- just do it.[/quote]

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