Apparently, I look like a prostitute

[Anonymous]

I think there are two options here, and you should make your decision based on this...

1) The guy is a total creep. The stupid comment he made about you was just ONE of several other things that make you think he's a creep. Perhaps you've seen or heard him behave badly in other situations as well. Or perhaps he routinely hired call girls. Or whatever. But if you feel this comment is an indication of his deeper character, then you have no reason to be nice to him, or hang out with him, or accept his social invitations. Go with your gut.

2) The guy is a nice guy who made a dumb comment, and one that he "gets", and is now profusely sorry for. Guys can be dumb,... and thankfully, many of them mature. While my husband has never said anything racially charged (probably because he is a minority himself), he has said a bunch of other dumb comments in his life. Thankfully, as he gets older and wiser, has less testosterone, and better judgment, he says fewer and fewer things. If you think this guy is basically a nice guy who screwed up, I'd offer that the only one you're hurting by continuing to be hurt is yourself.

Either write him off and stop thinking about it, or resolve to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to get to know him. Either way, you need to let go of the hurt. Just like my husband, if everyone in this world wrote me off everytime I said something dumb, I'd have precious few friends. Luckily, I have friends who are willing to understand that I'm not perfect, and I too (just like everyone) make stupid comments from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Are you a minority that has historically been objectified sexually? If not, then that's why his assumption about your husband would be more offensive to you than his assumption about you being a call girl. I'm black, and if in the same situation someone thought I was a call girl, I would certainly think it was a statement about me. I see everyone's point about it also being a statement about the husband, but as a minority, it gets tiring wondering whether the same situation would have occurred if you were white. It's also hurtful, because ultimately, there's nothing you can do about it other than accept that some people have a stereo-typed view of the world and its people. OP, I would also be hurt about it years later. That's not to say I wouldn't give the guy a chance to redeem himself - but only if it was something my husband cared about. I certainly wouldn't do it for any other reason.

The OP said she was Black, Not ASIAN.

What does that mean? Only Asian women have been objectified sexually? Seriously??

yes. seriously.

[Anonymous]

Stories of slave women being raped by their white masters aren't that uncommon. I would call that sexual objectification.

[Anonymous]

Really? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2183271.stm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stories of slave women being raped by their white masters aren't that uncommon. I would call that sexual objectification.

What?! There are still slaves and masters?! I thought that was over 150yrs ago.

I thought all women were sexually objectified? Is this exclusive to black and asian women? I guess that tap on my ass I got from my colleage at our last sales confernece was a friendly hello. I am young, attractive, white and work in a male dominated field and I frequently am being engaged in inappropriate conversation and have to suffer through it b/c it helps further my career. I've even been told I "ooze" sex and for sure could sell it to my colleagues if I wanted. Altough all of this sounds horrifying, its not, its just the way it is. I've turned it around and use it to my advantage. Lets call it "affirmative" action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories of slave women being raped by their white masters aren't that uncommon. I would call that sexual objectification.

What?! There are still slaves and masters?! I thought that was over 150yrs ago.

I thought all women were sexually objectified? Is this exclusive to black and asian women? I guess that tap on my ass I got from my colleage at our last sales confernece was a friendly hello. I am young, attractive, white and work in a male dominated field and I frequently am being engaged in inappropriate conversation and have to suffer through it b/c it helps further my career. I've even been told I "ooze" sex and for sure could sell it to my colleagues if I wanted. Altough all of this sounds horrifying, its not, its just the way it is. I've turned it around and use it to my advantage. Lets call it "affirmative" action.

it is horrifying that does NOT have to be the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories of slave women being raped by their white masters aren't that uncommon. I would call that sexual objectification.

What?! There are still slaves and masters?! I thought that was over 150yrs ago.

I thought all women were sexually objectified? Is this exclusive to black and asian women? I guess that tap on my ass I got from my colleage at our last sales confernece was a friendly hello. I am young, attractive, white and work in a male dominated field and I frequently am being engaged in inappropriate conversation and have to suffer through it b/c it helps further my career. I've even been told I "ooze" sex and for sure could sell it to my colleagues if I wanted. Altough all of this sounds horrifying, its not, its just the way it is. I've turned it around and use it to my advantage. Lets call it "affirmative" action.

it is horrifying that does NOT have to be the way it is.

Yea, but hey...if you get lemons make lemonade!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories of slave women being raped by their white masters aren't that uncommon. I would call that sexual objectification.

What?! There are still slaves and masters?! I thought that was over 150yrs ago.

I thought all women were sexually objectified? Is this exclusive to black and asian women? I guess that tap on my ass I got from my colleage at our last sales confernece was a friendly hello. I am young, attractive, white and work in a male dominated field and I frequently am being engaged in inappropriate conversation and have to suffer through it b/c it helps further my career. I've even been told I "ooze" sex and for sure could sell it to my colleagues if I wanted. Altough all of this sounds horrifying, its not, its just the way it is. I've turned it around and use it to my advantage. Lets call it "affirmative" action.

I think the OP's point was that she wasn't seen as a "pretty thing" decorating the office, who while objectified is still seen as belonging to the office. She was seen as something to be bought and paid for and used and thrown away.

[Anonymous]

"I thought all women were sexually objectified? Is this exclusive to black and asian women? I guess that tap on my ass I got from my colleage at our last ( ) confernece was a friendly hello. I am young, attractive, white and work in a male dominated field and I frequently am being engaged in inappropriate conversation and have to suffer through it b/c it helps further my career. I've even been told I "ooze" sex and for sure could sell it to my colleagues if I wanted. Altough all of this sounds horrifying, its not, its just the way it is. I've turned it around and use it to my advantage. Lets call it "affirmative" action."

Sarah Palin, is that you?

[Anonymous]

What does it say about your husband that a friend of his would simply assume that he'd pay for sex? Either that guy's a moron. or your husband is, but definitely you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be harsh, but it was something from a long time ago (years) and the guy has (sincerely?) apologized about it - twice!

It may always be in the back of your mind, but you should really try and move on. I think we all say stuiped things that un/intentionally hurt someone.

I mean, what would make this situation better? Do you want your DH's friend to apologize directly to you? Was the comment made in front of you? Was it made as a silly joke at the time?

If it makes you feel better, my DH's friend asked me point blank if I had a bad fall because my eyes were so baggy and dark (sleep deprivation as a new mom) that it looked like I had two black eyes. I was battling PP depression so that certainly sent my small bit of self esteem down the toilet.
I got over it, it was a long time ago, and apology accepted. I still think about it, but I don't hold it against him and I welcome my DH's friend into our house like any other guest.

Having someone say you look awful (like you have two black eyes) is very different then mistaking you for a hooker. There is really no comparison.
Op, I agree with those that say you don't have to feel bad about declining the invites politely for as long as they come. If you do decide you and your husband want to go to an event, go and be fabulous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have some issues if this happen several years ago and you can still remember what you were wearing! get over it.

Wouldn't you remember how you were dressed if someone mistook you for a prostitute? It would be the first thing you thought of once your then boyfriend told you about the conversation with his "friend". I don't think OP has issues at all. You, PP have obviosly never been in a similar situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories of slave women being raped by their white masters aren't that uncommon. I would call that sexual objectification.

What?! There are still slaves and masters?! I thought that was over 150yrs ago.

I thought all women were sexually objectified? Is this exclusive to black and asian women? I guess that tap on my ass I got from my colleage at our last sales confernece was a friendly hello. I am young, attractive, white and work in a male dominated field and I frequently am being engaged in inappropriate conversation and have to suffer through it b/c it helps further my career. I've even been told I "ooze" sex and for sure could sell it to my colleagues if I wanted. Altough all of this sounds horrifying, its not, its just the way it is. I've turned it around and use it to my advantage. Lets call it "affirmative" action.

I think the OP's point was that she wasn't seen as a "pretty thing" decorating the office, who while objectified is still seen as belonging to the office. She was seen as something to be bought and paid for and used and thrown away.

Yes, being mistaken for a "trophy wife" is something I have experienced. It is very insulting. Though I can't even imagine how insulted I would be if I was mistaken for a prostitute instead. I really can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, being mistaken for a "trophy wife" is something I have experienced. It is very insulting. Though I can't even imagine how insulted I would be if I was mistaken for a prostitute instead. I really can't.

A trophy wife is usually defined as a younger, attractive woman who is married to an older, affluent man. What's insulting about being mistaken for one? And given the accepted definition of a trophy wife, how could you be mistaken for one unless you are neither younger nor attractive, or your husband is not affluent?

[Anonymous]

OP,
I bet you are beautiful. So much so that the friend couldn't believe his buddy got you without paying.

Your husband did not do you any favors by repeating this to you.

I would accept the invitations, wearing my hottest dress and shoes. And look him in the eye knowing no matter how much money he has, the friend can NEVER have you.