How to tell if DH is closet gay?
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Anonymous
Enlighten me, gay guru. WHAT did I miss to have written something THAT much out of context? That's the perfect description of a closeted gay. |
Anonymous
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OP -
If your DH was really into sex with you in the beginning but isn't now, he's probably having a straight affair (or wants to). If he was never very into sex from the beginning, then you may be onto something. Think about how often you two did the deed in the beginning of your relationship - 7x/week? 20x/week? Or more like 1x/every week or 2. My DH and I were at it every day, maybe 3x/day in the beginning. . . |
Anonymous
| OP here: initially first few months, every day or other day; then after two years of dating, maybe twice a week; by first year of marriage, maybe every other week....it was already sexless! ..i initiated EVERY time...and finally I just stopped and it became once a month....I kind of tested how long he could go without, and it is pretty indefinite.... he has initiated one time, maybe twice, since 2007..... |
Anonymous
[b] I did this and found out my fiancée was soliciting men for sex on Craigslist. Four years later I still get tested every six months for AIDS. It was a horrible experience. He seemed perfect: Loved cooking, planned romantic dates, was thoughtful and kind, went to Penn, great family, perfect body (he owned a gym), and treated me very well. I would have never ever suspected he was bisexual, he just left his email open and I was curious. I'm grateful every day. |
Anonymous
| PP again- We had lots of sex and yes, the only way he could finish was from behind. The signs were there, I just never saw them. |
Anonymous
| your friends usually know, but wont tell you. best friend married a guy that set off all of our circles' gaydar alert. but none of us ever said anything because she seemed so happy and said they had great sex. fast forward a few years and she found out he was hooking up with guys on the side. needless to say, they divorced and she is happily remarried now. she says she just ignored the signs because she didnt want to see them, she truly was nuts about him. |
Anonymous
Fiance or ex-fiance? Please tell us he is history.
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Anonymous
| This is more prevalent than people usually think. To some degree, the man loves his wife and children and is ashamed of his feelings and losing them. If you are concerned, hire a private detective. Also, lack of sex may not be a true indicator as people can be asexual or anger/stress gets in the way of a healthy sexual relationship. |
Anonymous
| My ex-BIL came out to my sis after 12 years of marriage. Nobody suspected and then one day he said he couldn't live a lie anymore. He is an outstanding person and it was sad to see their family break up. Both of them are doing reasonably well. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks to the previous posters with informative stuff. I don't think my DH is asexual because in the beginning we ahd plenty of sex.....if someone is asexual, aren't they always "that way"... So eliminating asexuality, it seems the other options are: (1) depression/anger (check -- but even a depressed person would want to have sex at least once in 9 months????); (2) resentment - maybe there (but again, aren't even resentful people horny? (3) affair (possible, if so, a few years ago when I was more busy); or (4) repressed/closet gay (at least two friends admitted to me they thought he might be gay over the years..... after I vented to them about my lack of sex life....). So, argh, this leaves me in the weird place of having asked DH twice now if he is gay over the past efw years,and him just saying that he likes women.....but never making a move on me.... I've posted on other threads....I'm attractive/fit/size 2...it's not like I've let myself go......Soooooooooooo..... I'm at a loss of what next. I just wish I could find out for sure either way......it would help me make a decision about things... |
Anonymous
Ugh! I'm so sorry. That sounds terrible! Thank goodness your health is okay! OP here, although I haven't had sex with DH in 9 months or so, if anything were to happen I'd def use a condom based on your story. So lucky you found out. |
Anonymous
| You need to get into counseling. Both of you. Good luck. |
Anonymous
As someone wrote, a detective might be the only way you can find out. And just because you are attractive does not mean he is still attracted to you. Not trying to sound harsh, but men are visual creatures and their tastes change. It could be that he cared about you deeply when you got married but in his heart did not want to go through with it but beginning of relationship sex was enough for him to go through with it. Again, don't mean to diss you but these are possibilities. Finally, why did two of your friends think that he is gay? |
Anonymous
| OP, has he agreed to get his testosterone checked? |
Anonymous
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OP I'm in the same boat only have no doubts about my husband's sexuality (absolutely know he is not gay).
Read the Sex Starved Wife. Helpful and informative and you are not alone. Sex is often very prevalent in the beginning of a relationship because infatuation makes even low-desire people ready for sex. Hormones and chemicals take over and raise libido...you want to do everything you can to please and connect with your new partner. This usually lasts around 2 years. For us, we had sex every night and morning we were together those first two years. Then the next two years, at least 2x a week (we weren't living together and sometimes didn't see each other that much during the week due to week schedules, but would have sex every weekend). Starting after year 4 is when problems took over...started having sex less and less. |