How to tell if DH is closet gay?

[Anonymous]

Seeking advice -- have you been "through it" (or have friends who've gone through it) of suspecting that DH is closet gay? If so, how did you find out? (e.g. did you simply ask him -- I suspect if they are closeted they wouldn't answer anyway?; Find him with gay porn, etc? Just suspect after no sex or apparent interest in opposite sex?) How have others (or their friends) found out if DH is closeted?

[Anonymous]

If you're asking the question, I think you already know the answer...

[Anonymous]

Why do you suspect he may be?

[Anonymous]

My DH and I had no sex for quite a while. Just found out he has low testosterone. I would recommend your husband get a complete physical if your sex life is suffering.

[Anonymous]

DH here: if you really want to know something, the best thing to do is ask him directly. I am not sure why more people don't do this. It is much easier to conceal something by evasion than to lie to someone's face, and many who would do the former would not do the latter. Two points: 1. Are you sure you want to know? 2. If he isn't, he is likely to be offended, so you should be prepared to make it up to him and be able to explain why you were worried.

[Anonymous]

omg, my comment were deleted--I was offering in a totally fun spirit--frankly those were all the most excellent things about being gay...sorry to offend. But really? Even the anal sex one? Come on. She asked for clues--that was the only one I meant to actually be dead serious. But of course, your call.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:omg, my comment were deleted--I was offering in a totally fun spirit--frankly those were all the most excellent things about being gay...sorry to offend. But really? Even the anal sex one? Come on. She asked for clues--that was the only one I meant to actually be dead serious. But of course, your call.

I am not sure where you got the idea that the original poster was seeking "totally fun" answers to her question. Also, please note that this is the "non-explicit" forum.

[Anonymous]

I would snoop in his email if I really had cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

OP has a serious question that is probably making her think that her relationship and family are at risk. Why are people being so horribly insensitive about it? This does not at all seem like the appropriate place for gay jokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:play some YMCA or Donna Summer (RIP) in your house and see if he starts prancing around and clapping his hands above his head.









*i am fully aware that the above statement is a complete stereotype of homosexuals and it was meant in fun*

good disclaimer. jeff (or Maria) already deleted my anal sex one, which was offered in a similar spirit. sigh.

i didnt know if posts were being deleted but i didnt want my response to turn into an anti-gay discussion.

on a serious note, asking the husband straight up may offend him. hell i know i would be offended if my wife asked me if i was gay.

my experience is that a woman sensing the husband to be gay may be on to something and she may not be the only one who can tell. never getting confirmation is usually why women end up staying with a closeted gay husband because they either ignore the clues and/or never get an answer. and some of these women who end up leaving a closeted gay husband lie about never knowing cause damn near half your friend, coworkers and family say it from a mile away...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has a serious question that is probably making her think that her relationship and family are at risk. Why are people being so horribly insensitive about it? This does not at all seem like the appropriate place for gay jokes.

Oh for heaven't sake. Levity is good.

Disappointed in Jeff's heavy hand here. Now the Priscilla joke is gone.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with censorship necessarily although of course Jeff is free to do what he wishes with his forum. But I do think the jokes are very offensive and inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are the reasons for thinking your DH is gay? Is it just lack of sex? When you say seemingly attracted to other men what do you mean? Anything else?

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree with censorship necessarily although of course Jeff is free to do what he wishes with his forum. But I do think the jokes are very offensive and inappropriate.

Just for the record, the removal of "offensive and inappropriate" material is the job of a "moderator". Please review the difference between moderation and censorship. If posters feel that their free speech is impeded by their posts being removed from this thread, they are free to start a thread dedicated to lame anti-gay jokes based on out-dated stereotypes. If someone tries to posts a serious response in that thread, I will remove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has a serious question that is probably making her think that her relationship and family are at risk. Why are people being so horribly insensitive about it? This does not at all seem like the appropriate place for gay jokes.

Oh for heaven't sake. Levity is good.

Disappointed in Jeff's heavy hand here. Now the Priscilla joke is gone.

I suspect Mr. Steele would have had a lighter hand had the joke been, you know, funny. As it was, it was neither polite nor amusing.