If you aren't sexually attracted to your husband...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again (I was PP) - what I'm asking is - were you ever sexually attracted to your spouse or did you marry someone you weren't really sexually attracted to. If the latter is true, I think years in that situation could make one feel
asexual when it's not necessarily the case.

Yes and this has been the bigger mistake of my life. We dated for 7 years before marrying and if I'm bein perfectly honest, I was never sexually attracted to him. He was smaller, less experienced and not as adventurous as previous partners. BUT, he was/is a GOOD MAN who has always treated me well. He is a good provider, a wonderful father and and awesome friend.

But here we are..10 years later and im wondering how much longer I can continue to do this. He has "problems" so our sex life is practically non-existent. We are both early 30's, attractive and fit. I have cheated on him several times over the years and will probably have to continue if I stay in this marriage.

If only I could press rewind....

Do you have kids? Can you divorce? You are too young to be staying in it for the kids, even if you have them......

Yes, we have one young son. Divorce has crossed my mind more than once but I hesitate giving up on an otherwise great relationship. Sometimes I wonder if sex will be as important to me in 10, 15 years and most importantly, I want my sonto have the loving, two parent household that I never had. So here I am.

No stones being thrown by me here. And OP, ignore the haters here. You sound pretty intelligent, and, you acknowledge what may have been a mistake. But you also acknowledge the stresses on your DS. So you made some additional choices. Good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again (I was PP) - what I'm asking is - were you ever sexually attracted to your spouse or did you marry someone you weren't really sexually attracted to. If the latter is true, I think years in that situation could make one feel
asexual when it's not necessarily the case.

Yes and this has been the bigger mistake of my life. We dated for 7 years before marrying and if I'm bein perfectly honest, I was never sexually attracted to him. He was smaller, less experienced and not as adventurous as previous partners. BUT, he was/is a GOOD MAN who has always treated me well. He is a good provider, a wonderful father and and awesome friend.

But here we are..10 years later and im wondering how much longer I can continue to do this. He has "problems" so our sex life is practically non-existent. We are both early 30's, attractive and fit. I have cheated on him several times over the years and will probably have to continue if I stay in this marriage.

If only I could press rewind....

Do you have kids? Can you divorce? You are too young to be staying in it for the kids, even if you have them......

Yes, we have one young son. Divorce has crossed my mind more than once but I hesitate giving up on an otherwise great relationship. Sometimes I wonder if sex will be as important to me in 10, 15 years and most importantly, I want my sonto have the loving, two parent household that I never had. So here I am.

Sex might be a lot more important to you in a few years. But I hear you about the kid.

[Anonymous]

You know, I was attracted to my husband when we got together. He's still not a bad looking guy, but after dealing with how negative and mean he has become over the last 7 years, I can't imagine feeling sexually attracted to him at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it's totally lack of interest in any sex. I guess it's hormones, but I don't feel any interest in other men, women, or even want to masturbate.
To be honest it really sucks. I asked my gyn and he just said yeah it's really common. Wow. Thanks for your help buddy

ditto. If I never had sex again that would be fine with me. I guess I could be called "asexual"

+1. If only DH didnt still want it, i'd be totally happy never having sex again - and actually enjoying cuddling, massages, etc. mch more not thinking about how he's angling for something in return

I don't want cuddling, massages, etc. without the whole package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use it or lose it. I follow the once a week minimum rule whether I'm in the mood or not. Does absolute wonders for our marriage!

If DH would be satisfied with once a week I could do that! He feels rejected and angry and resentful if not at least every other night. After 18 years,two kids, financial problems, etc - I am so exhausted and turned off. Quite frankly, I don't understand how men can sustain their sex drive. I wish my husband would lose interest. Also, he is no longer physically attractive to me (and yes,I am better looking and in better shape than when we met) but I am not interested in others, either. Just no longer sexual. I am 46.

I'm a 46 year old female who would love sex every other night. Why are you exhausted?

What are you doing on the other nights?!????!!

Fantasizing.

[Anonymous]

Okay that one hurt PP. Oh to meet you....

[Anonymous]

You just might get lucky and run into me some day. I'll be the woman who seems very serious and professional at first, but unwinds and starts flirting pretty quickly over a glass of wine if I think you are hot.

[Anonymous]

* gulp *

[Anonymous]

I have never been sexually attracted to my husband. I spent 7 years with the hottest man on the planet with amazing sex, but he didn't want kids or to settle down. It killed me to end it. I dated along and then found my husband, who was an old friend from college. He is literally the best guy I've ever known. Completely kind, devoted, funny, the whole package - except he's kind of fat and hairy and just not "it" for me. He's not ugly, just not attractive. And he's not great in bed.

We've figured it out. He gets me to orgasm with his hand, we have sex for 5-10 min, and it's over. Then the rest of the time, he's an unbelievable father and partner and gets along great with all of our neighbor guys. It's a perfect life other than the sex. And that he doesn't make enough money. But for me, it's worth the trade off.

I try not to think about drinking wine naked with my professional athlete ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again (I was PP) - what I'm asking is - were you ever sexually attracted to your spouse or did you marry someone you weren't really sexually attracted to. If the latter is true, I think years in that situation could make one feel
asexual when it's not necessarily the case.

Yes and this has been the bigger mistake of my life. We dated for 7 years before marrying and if I'm bein perfectly honest, I was never sexually attracted to him. He was smaller, less experienced and not as adventurous as previous partners. BUT, he was/is a GOOD MAN who has always treated me well. He is a good provider, a wonderful father and and awesome friend.

But here we are..10 years later and im wondering how much longer I can continue to do this. He has "problems" so our sex life is practically non-existent. We are both early 30's, attractive and fit. I have cheated on him several times over the years and will probably have to continue if I stay in this marriage.

If only I could press rewind....

Wow, you're a terrible person. Your "good provider, wonderful father and awesome friend" is at risk of cuckoldry and deadly STD's because you have no morals. I hope he finds out as soon as possible and he can find a woman who respects him.

My feelings are hurt...really :-/

I highly doubt that he could find a woman who has been everything I have been to him and be happy in a sexless marriage.

fucking other men, plural, negates anything else you have done for him. as a wife, your number 1 responsibility is to be faithful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never been sexually attracted to my husband. I spent 7 years with the hottest man on the planet with amazing sex, but he didn't want kids or to settle down. It killed me to end it. I dated along and then found my husband, who was an old friend from college. He is literally the best guy I've ever known. Completely kind, devoted, funny, the whole package - except he's kind of fat and hairy and just not "it" for me. He's not ugly, just not attractive. And he's not great in bed.

We've figured it out. He gets me to orgasm with his hand, we have sex for 5-10 min, and it's over. Then the rest of the time, he's an unbelievable father and partner and gets along great with all of our neighbor guys. It's a perfect life other than the sex. And that he doesn't make enough money. But for me, it's worth the trade off.

I try not to think about drinking wine naked with my professional athlete ex.

im gonna go out on a limb and say you weren't the only woman your "athlete" ex was fucking for 7 yrs.

Also, you seem extremely superficial. You don't deserve your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never been sexually attracted to my husband. I spent 7 years with the hottest man on the planet with amazing sex, but he didn't want kids or to settle down. It killed me to end it. I dated along and then found my husband, who was an old friend from college. He is literally the best guy I've ever known. Completely kind, devoted, funny, the whole package - except he's kind of fat and hairy and just not "it" for me. He's not ugly, just not attractive. And he's not great in bed.

We've figured it out. He gets me to orgasm with his hand, we have sex for 5-10 min, and it's over. Then the rest of the time, he's an unbelievable father and partner and gets along great with all of our neighbor guys. It's a perfect life other than the sex. And that he doesn't make enough money. But for me, it's worth the trade off.

I try not to think about drinking wine naked with my professional athlete ex.

Change a few details and this could be me. Except right when "friend" changed to "lover" I had been out of a relationship for ages. Looking back I can see that desperation for intimacy and sheer sexual frustration overrode sexual incompatibilities that have magnified over time. I wonder a lot how I could have made such a fundamental mistake--it's sort of like a dream. And as his long-time friend, I hate that he has to be married to me instead of someone who would appreciate him sexually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never been sexually attracted to my husband. I spent 7 years with the hottest man on the planet with amazing sex, but he didn't want kids or to settle down. It killed me to end it. I dated along and then found my husband, who was an old friend from college. He is literally the best guy I've ever known. Completely kind, devoted, funny, the whole package - except he's kind of fat and hairy and just not "it" for me. He's not ugly, just not attractive. And he's not great in bed.

We've figured it out. He gets me to orgasm with his hand, we have sex for 5-10 min, and it's over. Then the rest of the time, he's an unbelievable father and partner and gets along great with all of our neighbor guys. It's a perfect life other than the sex. And that he doesn't make enough money. But for me, it's worth the trade off.

I try not to think about drinking wine naked with my professional athlete ex.

Change a few details and this could be me. Except right when "friend" changed to "lover" I had been out of a relationship for ages. Looking back I can see that desperation for intimacy and sheer sexual frustration overrode sexual incompatibilities that have magnified over time. I wonder a lot how I could have made such a fundamental mistake--it's sort of like a dream. And as his long-time friend, I hate that he has to be married to me instead of someone who would appreciate him sexually.

Do your DH's have any idea that this is how you felt about them when you got married? It seems like a pretty significant thing not to have discussed with them. I certainly would not have married my DW if she had told me something like this in advance, and it seems pretty unfair to condemn such good guys to mediocre sex for life without giving them a chance to make their own decision about it.

[Anonymous]

im sure you women getting "pathetic" sex from your husbands could have found someone else if sex was that important of a trait in your man. not knocking you if it was, but to sit and bitch about it now is dumb.

to the dingbat who still thinks about the athlete ex, if hes married, hes more than likely fucking broads on the side and you probably werent the only one he was dicking down when yall were dating. fantasize all you want about the great sex but if you were with him, youd have a thread on some board crying and bitching about how you dont get him cheating on you despite "all the great things you do" as a "wife"

im sure you could have found a nice guy who gives you dick as much as you want and provide like your current suck in bed husband but this is what YOU chose. live with it or find that mate that fits everything you look for in a man.

[Montana]

Dude, why so angry? Chiiiiiil out