If you aren't sexually attracted to your husband...

[Anonymous]

Our sex life changed after kids. He turned into a minute man and rarely has the 'energy' to finish me off by other means. His libido completely plummeted but doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong.

It's really frustrating and yes, I often prefer pleasing myself over sex with him. When he's even up for sex, that is. The times we DTD I'm just putting out to improve his mood.. one minute sex = pleasant husband.

[Anonymous]

btw - if you ask him, he'd tell you our sex life is fantastic... part of that is because i know how to satisfy him. he once knew but either forgot or stopped caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it's totally lack of interest in any sex. I guess it's hormones, but I don't feel any interest in other men, women, or even want to masturbate.
To be honest it really sucks. I asked my gyn and he just said yeah it's really common. Wow. Thanks for your help buddy

Me, too, but I haven't ask my gyn yet. When the gyn said, "really common", was he referring to many women not wanting sex or was he referring to the age range at which women are no longer very interested in sex? Just curious. I need to make an appointment...

a third who who feels this way (pretty much asexual). My gyn tested all my hormones and they came back dead normal. I know, for me, a lot of it is that I'm unhappy with my weight (I gained a lot during my pregnancy and haven't lost very much), and the fact that I just feel unsexy all the time.

Here's our main problem-especially since childbirth, having an orgasm is very hard for me, even if I use a vibrator or something. We have sex about once every 7-10 days, and often it's very spur of the moment. DH, having not had sex for a while, can't last very long, at least moving in the way that will get me off. So he generally finishes in 2 min, and is then upset with himself that I didn't finish. An all around crappy time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use it or lose it. I follow the once a week minimum rule whether I'm in the mood or not. Does absolute wonders for our marriage!

If DH would be satisfied with once a week I could do that! He feels rejected and angry and resentful if not at least every other night. After 18 years,two kids, financial problems, etc - I am so exhausted and turned off. Quite frankly, I don't understand how men can sustain their sex drive. I wish my husband would lose interest. Also, he is no longer physically attractive to me (and yes,I am better looking and in better shape than when we met) but I am not interested in others, either. Just no longer sexual. I am 46.

[Anonymous]

PP here - also,I am very orgasmic and can orgasm in a minute. I get exhausted and turned off as my husband goes on and on and turns the whole process into a gymnastics routine of different positions, etc until he gets off. Its a turn-off!!

[Anonymous]

PP again - I also hate the messiness of sex. Easier to masturbate - no clean-up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I was attracted to him once. But now it's 20 years later, he's 40 pounds heavier, has lost his hair, and there have been years of resentment, disappointment, and anger. Is it really that hard to understand why after many years, changes, and stresses a lot of people don't have a burning desire to have sex with their spouses? I think it's pretty common and understandable.

Yep, this.

[Anonymous]

I thought I had no libido until I had an affair. Ermmm....

[Anonymous]

I've been with my DH for 11 years. Married for 6. For the first 6-7 years, I did enjoy sex with him and was physically attracted to him. Then he started gaining weight and not taking as good care of himself as I do. I still basically weigh the same and take good care of myself, what I wear, makeup, etc. He is about 50lbs over what he was when we married, and as shallow as it sounds, it is just a big turn off. So, it wasn't always this way, but after many gentle nudges for us both to work out more, etc, eat better, and his continued lack of effort in this area, it has made for very low sexual desire for him.

Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here - also,I am very orgasmic and can orgasm in a minute. I get exhausted and turned off as my husband goes on and on and turns the whole process into a gymnastics routine of different positions, etc until he gets off. Its a turn-off!!

Wham, bam, thank you sir.

What, did you not hear me the first time? I said, "THANK YOU SIR!" That means stop. I came, and that's what matters in a marital relationship. Go masturbate if you aren't satisfied -- and don't make a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I was attracted to him once. But now it's 20 years later, he's 40 pounds heavier, has lost his hair, and there have been years of resentment, disappointment, and anger. Is it really that hard to understand why after many years, changes, and stresses a lot of people don't have a burning desire to have sex with their spouses? I think it's pretty common and understandable.

Well she has to dye her hair so it isn't all gray, her arms sag, her assk looks like cottage cheese, her teeth and gums are rotting, her boobs hit her knee caps, she has a jungle between her legs and has to pull her mustache out hair by hair each night.

but can give great ...........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me it's totally lack of interest in any sex. I guess it's hormones, but I don't feel any interest in other men, women, or even want to masturbate.
To be honest it really sucks. I asked my gyn and he just said yeah it's really common. Wow. Thanks for your help buddy

Me, too, but I haven't ask my gyn yet. When the gyn said, "really common", was he referring to many women not wanting sex or was he referring to the age range at which women are no longer very interested in sex? Just curious. I need to make an appointment...

a third who who feels this way (pretty much asexual). My gyn tested all my hormones and they came back dead normal. I know, for me, a lot of it is that I'm unhappy with my weight (I gained a lot during my pregnancy and haven't lost very much), and the fact that I just feel unsexy all the time.

Here's our main problem-especially since childbirth, having an orgasm is very hard for me, even if I use a vibrator or something. We have sex about once every 7-10 days, and often it's very spur of the moment. DH, having not had sex for a while, can't last very long, at least moving in the way that will get me off. So he generally finishes in 2 min, and is then upset with himself that I didn't finish. An all around crappy time.

Me too, exactly. I asked my GYN about it, and it just pissed me off. "Well, that's totally normal." Ok. Thanks. I don't want this normal!
The good news is that I still think my husband is a total hottie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with my DH for 11 years. Married for 6. For the first 6-7 years, I did enjoy sex with him and was physically attracted to him. Then he started gaining weight and not taking as good care of himself as I do. I still basically weigh the same and take good care of myself, what I wear, makeup, etc. He is about 50lbs over what he was when we married, and as shallow as it sounds, it is just a big turn off. So, it wasn't always this way, but after many gentle nudges for us both to work out more, etc, eat better, and his continued lack of effort in this area, it has made for very low sexual desire for him.

Sad, but true.

do you flirt with better looking men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use it or lose it. I follow the once a week minimum rule whether I'm in the mood or not. Does absolute wonders for our marriage!

I need to get back to this. I used this credo for the longest and now things have changed since the baby. I'm shitassed tired by bedtime and DH does not come to bed until late late....like 1am late. Add that to the fact that we co-sleep, so yeah...pretty much no sex in the champagne room BUT, I'm sure that if I went back to sex at least once per week weather I feel like it or not, he would be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use it or lose it. I follow the once a week minimum rule whether I'm in the mood or not. Does absolute wonders for our marriage!

If DH would be satisfied with once a week I could do that! He feels rejected and angry and resentful if not at least every other night. After 18 years,two kids, financial problems, etc - I am so exhausted and turned off. Quite frankly, I don't understand how men can sustain their sex drive. I wish my husband would lose interest. Also, he is no longer physically attractive to me (and yes,I am better looking and in better shape than when we met) but I am not interested in others, either. Just no longer sexual. I am 46.

I'm a 46 year old female who would love sex every other night. Why are you exhausted?