tell me about an ongoing saga in your life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Silence, probably. She is not the confrontational type.

Somehow she thinks it's my duty to support her since she gave me life. She tells everyone that I support her, it's like something to be proud of in her book.

God almighty. Spare me the wrath of a spiteful child. Wow.

I don't get this response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother has disappeared from my life. It's nothing new, but it continues to upset me. The rift started after our mom died. We fought over some property, and I gave in and let him have it. Later I regretted it, so I paid myself half the value of the property from the cash in the estate without discussing it with him. I was sole executor and had the right to do so, but it made him so mad he didn't speak to me for a year, and to this day, 10 years later, has not mentioned it.

I also made him give me some property of mine his wife had taken out of our mom's house before she died. He was extremely angry about this, even though his wife had no right to take the property from our mom's house. His wife had used the items as part of her decorating scheme, and was angry she had to rearrange her house. I was furious she'd taken the items without asking me, especially since they came from my childhood bedroom.

I guess refusing to see me is the only way my brother has to hurt me, now that our parents are both gone. I was the "favorite" child, so he resents me, I'm guessing. I miss him, but there's nothing I can do about it. I've tried to talk with him, but he's in total denial, so I've stopped trying.

This is almost the exact ongoing saga in my family. I am the daughter who was Dad's favorite, but after he died my Mom made my BROTHER the executor and he and his lawyer girlfriend screwed me out of a piece of valuable real estate which he lives in and transferred to himself. Also transferred large amounts of cash to himself without discussing it. My Mom lavished attention on my brother after my Dad died until he married the lawyer and now they have 2 kids and he virtually ignores my mom. We only speak at family events. My mother, well...that's for another thread. I am not so much punishing them as I am protecting myself from further betrayal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Silence, probably. She is not the confrontational type.

Somehow she thinks it's my duty to support her since she gave me life. She tells everyone that I support her, it's like something to be proud of in her book.

God almighty. Spare me the wrath of a spiteful child. Wow.

I don't get this response.

I just wonder what the mother's version of events is. For a site devoted to parenting and its extreme trials and tribulations, I'm always amazed how unforgiving the parents are of their own parents on this site. Hindsight is 20/20. Parents make terrible human mistakes and they sometimes suffer from mental illness. Can you not forgive them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been taking care of my mother, who has dementia, for 8 years. I pay her bills; coordinate her healthcare; deal with insurance issues; pre-load her meds every month; buy clothing for her; arrange for podiatrist visits; arrange for extra help; etc.

I have seven siblings but you would think I was an only child, given how (un)involved they have been.

This week my mother is going into hospice. Suddenly a few of my siblings are coming alive and paying attention. As soon as she is gone, I'm sure they will be calling me looking for checks. (I am the executrix of her will.)

I am exhausted. And sad. And angry.

So sorry for you. This is going to be my immediate future. I am so overwhelmed with anxiety about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Sorry, but in my mind you have a roomate, not a marriage. I hope you figure things out or at least are content with the current situation. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Nope, roommates don't raise my kids, be more kind to my mother than she deserves, scratch my back, refill the water glass next to my bed (because he knows I forget and then have a hard time taking my morning medication), pair my socks, remind me of my brother's birthday, or share more than half my history. I don't pretend it's perfect, or what I'd always hoped for. But I'm also not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater, and flounce away from my family over an incident of infidelity.

This a beautiful way of putting it, PP. Thank you for your sensible words. This is what is meant when people say that marriage is complicated.

[Anonymous]

I am struggling with forgiving an ex husband who cheated,treated me like dirt,was addicted to porn and left me in IRS debt.
I have been fighting for innocent spouse relief and finally got a break but just for 2006 and still have debt of 2005.
I wish this could all go a way but it continues to linger around.
My ex on the other hand is enjoying his life,lives like he is rich yet so much in debt-he just doesn't care.
He takes vacations all over the world,posts pictures on Facebook and Lately he has a new girlfriend from the Phillipines!!!!!!
I have moved on but just can't get over the fact that I was USED by this Looser...I still can't believe that I got myself into all this mess especially the debt!
Please somebody tell me it get's better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Silence, probably. She is not the confrontational type.

Somehow she thinks it's my duty to support her since she gave me life. She tells everyone that I support her, it's like something to be proud of in her book.

God almighty. Spare me the wrath of a spiteful child. Wow.

I don't get this response.

I just wonder what the mother's version of events is. For a site devoted to parenting and its extreme trials and tribulations, I'm always amazed how unforgiving the parents are of their own parents on this site. Hindsight is 20/20. Parents make terrible human mistakes and they sometimes suffer from mental illness. Can you not forgive them?

Yes, the mother is clearly mentally ill. Already posted as much. I just don't get any "wrath" on the part of the long-suffering OP. (She seems to not even get that her mother is sick.) What other "version of events" can there be from the mother? Being supported by a teenage child is not normal. No one owes their parents their financial support from the time they come of age until the parents pass away. Ridiculous to imagine that is normal, to anyone, or that there would be something the mother could possibly have done to justify that.

You sound like a guilt-ridden mother yourself, PP....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am struggling with forgiving an ex husband who cheated,treated me like dirt,was addicted to porn and left me in IRS debt.
I have been fighting for innocent spouse relief and finally got a break but just for 2006 and still have debt of 2005.
I wish this could all go a way but it continues to linger around.
My ex on the other hand is enjoying his life,lives like he is rich yet so much in debt-he just doesn't care.
He takes vacations all over the world,posts pictures on Facebook and Lately he has a new girlfriend from the Phillipines!!!!!!
I have moved on but just can't get over the fact that I was USED by this Looser...I still can't believe that I got myself into all this mess especially the debt!
Please somebody tell me it get's better!

It will get better. You'll make payments and slowly climb out of debt and live to tell the tale. You certainly aren't the first person to be taken advantage of by a man (unfortunately).

[Anonymous]

This is the PP who supports the mother. She has depression and finally started being treated for it about four years ago. It's being passed on from her dad, who killed himself, to her and then to me. I suspect my suffering from it has somehow played a role in my supporting her all these years.

She has no education (fifth grade was the highest she got) and was a stay at home mom who never tried to do anything for work, even after stepfather left. I saw no choice but to help. But it's been a long time, and my brother did not pitch in for many, many years. It's worn me out, not so much for the money but for her inability to enjoy life. It's not easy to live your life when you think your mom is miserable, so paying the bills helped me feel better. One time she overdosed on pills and it was all I could do to feel like if I hadn't been in graduate school I could have been supporting her better and that would not have happened.

I really just wanted her to come here and help me when I needed her. That's all. And I still can't believe that she could not do that for me.

I'm not spiteful to answer the PP above, just worn out.

[Anonymous]

Once you are a parent, you are a parent forever. Which is why I do not understand parents who fail to step up to the plate when their children need them most. PP, you are a better person than I. Some parents use every excuse they can think of in order to manipulate what they want from certain children, while supporting the siblings of those children almost entirely. They think people are blind to it. But they just are not.

[Anonymous]

to the poster with the diagnosis of intestinal cancer.. I am so sorry what you have to go through. I hope you have a good support system. I hope you find a better forum than this one to talk about your concerns. In 08 I was diagnosed w/ stage III colon cancer and went through surgery and six months of chemo. I'm not sure what your concern is regarding disfigurement, so can't really help on that score. It's not just the scar you're worried about is it? They are getting really good at making those look okay. (I think I got lucky, mine is not very noticeable at all. In the beginning it felt horrible, and looked horrible, and I couldn't understand why all the nurses and residents were saying "wow, that looks great". It was a huge gory gash, to me. But it healed up nicely over time, as did the rest of me (so far all clear, knock on wood). I don't like the left-over scar from where the "port" was, but count it as something to remind me of what I went through, whenever I start to lose perspective. But your situation must be different, and I can't presume to know what your concern is about the surgery and the disfigurement. But I do know that I hate surgery with a passion, but it's an invaluable tool when needed. Also, I recovered much more completely from the surgery than I ever will from the chemo, as far as I can tell. Just find a good surgeon. (and remember, the best surgeon might not be the one you like the best. Surgery seems to attract some arrogant, not-too-personable types, but they can still be good at what they do.
Finding others who have been through something similar might ease your concerns, or at least make you feel like you're not alone in needing to go through it. But by all means, don't worry about how you will look. Think of how to be as healthy as you can be, and just keep loving that two-year-old, and everyone else you can. (reading "Love, Medicine and Miracles" helped me, but I don't know anything about you, so can't say if it will resonate with you or not) My younger child was 18 mos (and still nursing) when I was diagnosed. It sucks. But I think their love bouys us, and that feeling that you simply can't leave them can help you heal. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a FT working mom; bored as heck at my understimulating job, and expecting another baby. When I told my non-parent boss that I am pregnant, boss basically suggested I stay at home with the kids. I have been asking for more work for weeks, but hardly get a response - meanwhile, boss is hiring another person in our 'super busy' group.
Additionally, DH and I are looking to move house and I don't expect to return to work FT after baby and moving house.
Would love to cut hours (now or after baby comes) - don't know about suggesting my hours be cut, because I was formerly PT and was told there was too much work to continue that.

What do you do and how much money do you make? I work at a great company that is really flexible, and we need three people right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My saga can be described by one word: cancer.

Was diagnosed last November, and had been misdiagnosed for over two years before that. .

I knew a woman who died last year because, for two years they did not diagnose her pain complaints as bile duct cancer.

If you learned anything from your experience, what is it? I think if I have a mysterious malady I am going to pay for one of those full body scans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a FT working mom; bored as heck at my understimulating job, and expecting another baby. When I told my non-parent boss that I am pregnant, boss basically suggested I stay at home with the kids. I have been asking for more work for weeks, but hardly get a response - meanwhile, boss is hiring another person in our 'super busy' group.
Additionally, DH and I are looking to move house and I don't expect to return to work FT after baby and moving house.
Would love to cut hours (now or after baby comes) - don't know about suggesting my hours be cut, because I was formerly PT and was told there was too much work to continue that.

What do you do and how much money do you make? I work at a great company that is really flexible, and we need three people right now.

PP with cheating husband here. Obviously your post wasn't directed to me, but I'd be very interested in working for a company like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Nope, roommates don't raise my kids, be more kind to my mother than she deserves, scratch my back, refill the water glass next to my bed (because he knows I forget and then have a hard time taking my morning medication), pair my socks, remind me of my brother's birthday, or share more than half my history. I don't pretend it's perfect, or what I'd always hoped for. But I'm also not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater, and flounce away from my family over an incident of infidelity.

I have a relationship like this and have for about 5 years, but infidelity is not what got us here. It has its pros and cons. It's nice to have someone to rely on, but occasionally disappointing. To the other poster asking about sex, some things are just more important than sex. There is an understanding that either of us are free to seek an outside sexual relationship, but who has time for that while working full time and caring for a child? Not me. It would also be an awkward conversation with a potential partner: "Um, yes, we live together, but we are not together".

I'm speaking for myself. I have no idea how the other poster handles it.