tell me about an ongoing saga in your life

[Anonymous]

My saga can be described by one word: cancer.

Was diagnosed last November, and had been misdiagnosed for over two years before that. Briefly thought about suing the doctors (I swear they all should lose their licenses and go flip burgers, since their mistake in my case was glaring!), but then decided against it. I've been in treatment ever since and pretty soon will need to decide on surgery, and the way things stand right now, I might wake up after this surgery pretty disfigured. I've consulted three surgeons so far, and every single one of them said they couldn't make any promises before the actual operation and would need to play it by ear.. and that I'll have to sign the consent form and be ready for anything.

At one point I considered refusing surgery and just let the disease run its course rather than living as a cripple. But my DD is only two, and the thought of her growing up without a mother is the hardest thing I've had to contemplate through this entire ordeal. So if worse comes to worst.. I guess I'll just have to deal, although can't even imagine how.

In case you're wondering.. it's not breast cancer (I'd take a mastectomy over this in a heartbeat!!), it's intestinal.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i had our second baby in march and quickly deteriorated into post-partum hell, as i did with my first DC, only this time i had a nervous breakdown when DD was 9 weeks old and had to go on meds. the meds had just started kicking in when an opportunity to buy our dream house fell into our lap. we jumped on it, but it isn't our style to make monumental decisions like this on such short notice, so that was stressful.

I managed to get the loan on the new house approved, so we go to settlement in 2 weeks, but the old house is still not sold. More stress, and more to do.

Men are pigs.

Yes, I hope he appreciates it - but also, please please be good to yourself. PPD is nothing to joke about and if you're adding stress to your plate, I worry about yourself and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My saga can be described by one word: cancer.

Was diagnosed last November, and had been misdiagnosed for over two years before that. Briefly thought about suing the doctors (I swear they all should lose their licenses and go flip burgers, since their mistake in my case was glaring!), but then decided against it. I've been in treatment ever since and pretty soon will need to decide on surgery, and the way things stand right now, I might wake up after this surgery pretty disfigured. I've consulted three surgeons so far, and every single one of them said they couldn't make any promises before the actual operation and would need to play it by ear.. and that I'll have to sign the consent form and be ready for anything.

At one point I considered refusing surgery and just let the disease run its course rather than living as a cripple. But my DD is only two, and the thought of her growing up without a mother is the hardest thing I've had to contemplate through this entire ordeal. So if worse comes to worst.. I guess I'll just have to deal, although can't even imagine how.

In case you're wondering.. it's not breast cancer (I'd take a mastectomy over this in a heartbeat!!), it's intestinal.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I am so, so sorry about this, OP. Hugs to you.
You are very brave to consider your family above your needs and wants.

For whatever it's worth, my mother had a similar set of circumstances and chose the disfiguring surgery route - only it turned out to not to be all that disfiguring, after all. After the swelling subsided, she was left with nothing more than a scar. I hope the same turns out for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

my cheating DH who is otherwise a good husband

He's "otherwise a good husband?" So other than betraying you, being dishonest with you, sneaking around with another woman behind your back, and breaking your trust and his marriage vows, he's a good husband?

I'm really sorry. I hope you get rid of him, go to school, and things work out for you.

Yes, I realize how strange that sounds. I can't forgive him, I don't think it's right, I don't trust home anymore and never will. But he (on the surface) treats me well, does everything for our family and is supportive (though I now think he has his own agenda for this). I only said "otherwise a good husband" to say that living with him is not unbareble on its own. I can't get past the cheating, but I can stick around till I get myself together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

my cheating DH who is otherwise a good husband

He's "otherwise a good husband?" So other than betraying you, being dishonest with you, sneaking around with another woman behind your back, and breaking your trust and his marriage vows, he's a good husband?

I'm really sorry. I hope you get rid of him, go to school, and things work out for you.

Yes, I realize how strange that sounds. I can't forgive him, I don't think it's right, I don't trust home anymore and never will. But he (on the surface) treats me well, does everything for our family and is supportive (though I now think he has his own agenda for this). I only said "otherwise a good husband" to say that living with him is not unbareble on its own. I can't get past the cheating, but I can stick around till I get myself together.

If you can stick it out and ease into the seperated and divorced phase, then GOOD for you. It looks like it's done either way, so it's time to make the best of it for you and your kids. You sound very level-headed and logical. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

[Anonymous]

My life seemed pretty awful until I read your various posts.

Hugs to you all and the best of luck and courage.

[Anonymous]

12:41 - Are you kidding? You have been supporting your mother since she was 40? Why? Then she won't help you for a week and could care less about your kids and criticizes you? Amazing. You are totally being taken advantage of in the worst way and are enabling her behavior financially. Stand up to her and find your back bone.

[Anonymous]

14:30: I suspect mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:30: I suspect mental illness.

So you don't know what her problem is after 20 years, you only suspect? There has to be more to this. Is she disabled? If she is a mental case you think she will be ok around your kids? How does your husband feel about the financial responsibility?

[Anonymous]

I"m 12:41 but not the poster who originally told the story.

i too supported my mom who is mentally ill. When I was pregnant she was difficult and disrespectful so I told her that I would have to exclude her from my life, and the life of my baby until she got help. She told me that she was "trying to get help" which was a huge step.

But, that's my experience. and I don't want to say that the other woman's mom is mentally ill but here's what we know:
1. can't support self.
2. didn't help out
3. cried and said "I want to go home"
4. Didn't visit family for 3 years.
so I vote mental illness and agree with pp that kids should not be left alone with her but that's me. and my crazy mom influenced perceptions.

[Anonymous]

to the OP:
I'm trying to negotiate legislation and when my brain hurts, I read DCUM. maybe not drama but some ppl are freaking out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Do you have sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Do you have sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Do you have sex?

Geez, can you read the post you quoted before asking questions? The answer is right there, last sentence.