tell me about an ongoing saga in your life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Do you have sex?

Geez, can you read the post you quoted before asking questions? The answer is right there, last sentence.

Not the PP, but she meant - Do you have sex with other people. Or do you masterbate. Or do you ignore your sexual desire/needs all together?

[Anonymous]

Thanks, yes, that's what I meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Sorry, but in my mind you have a roomate, not a marriage. I hope you figure things out or at least are content with the current situation. Life is too short to be unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I've been taking care of my mother, who has dementia, for 8 years. I pay her bills; coordinate her healthcare; deal with insurance issues; pre-load her meds every month; buy clothing for her; arrange for podiatrist visits; arrange for extra help; etc.

I have seven siblings but you would think I was an only child, given how (un)involved they have been.

This week my mother is going into hospice. Suddenly a few of my siblings are coming alive and paying attention. As soon as she is gone, I'm sure they will be calling me looking for checks. (I am the executrix of her will.)

I am exhausted. And sad. And angry.

[Anonymous]

PP here. I also have two kids; a FT job; and a husband with a chronic illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Sorry, but in my mind you have a roomate, not a marriage. I hope you figure things out or at least are content with the current situation. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Nope, roommates don't raise my kids, be more kind to my mother than she deserves, scratch my back, refill the water glass next to my bed (because he knows I forget and then have a hard time taking my morning medication), pair my socks, remind me of my brother's birthday, or share more than half my history. I don't pretend it's perfect, or what I'd always hoped for. But I'm also not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater, and flounce away from my family over an incident of infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Im so sorry PP. My mom is one of seven and I watched her going through the same. When my grandma died, leaving two sons that have mental illnesses themselves (one schizophrenic), my mom and I had to move into their home (grandma's house) and take care of them. They are over 15 years older than my mom and I was 13 at the time. It was really hard. Now my uncles are living in a facility and my mom is still responsible for giving everyone else Updates about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a "otherwise good husband". So we have separate bedrooms. He has not made amends for his cheating, and I'm not having him back in my bed until I am satisfied that he gets it.
But otherwise... we've been best friends for 20 years. Several of those before we were romantically involved. We have kids, and he's a great dad. He pulls his weight around the house. And yes, his salary is essential to my and our kids' lifestyle. We still have a marriage, we just don't have sex.

Sorry, but in my mind you have a roomate, not a marriage. I hope you figure things out or at least are content with the current situation. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Nope, roommates don't raise my kids, be more kind to my mother than she deserves, scratch my back, refill the water glass next to my bed (because he knows I forget and then have a hard time taking my morning medication), pair my socks, remind me of my brother's birthday, or share more than half my history. I don't pretend it's perfect, or what I'd always hoped for. But I'm also not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater, and flounce away from my family over an incident of infidelity.

So, then what about the sex? Do you really not care? Do you get it other places? Is this just how it is going to be? Truly curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been taking care of my mother, who has dementia, for 8 years. I pay her bills; coordinate her healthcare; deal with insurance issues; pre-load her meds every month; buy clothing for her; arrange for podiatrist visits; arrange for extra help; etc.

I have seven siblings but you would think I was an only child, given how (un)involved they have been.

This week my mother is going into hospice. Suddenly a few of my siblings are coming alive and paying attention. As soon as she is gone, I'm sure they will be calling me looking for checks. (I am the executrix of her will.)

I am exhausted. And sad. And angry.

I hope your mother left all her money to you. It sounds like your siblings are taking advantage of you, and leaving Mom's care all to you. It can't be easy. My father had dementia, and I ended up putting him into a nursing home because it was too difficult to handle him. Only one sibling, but he did nothing, and then showed up at my father's deathbed for a few hours. Be grateful you had time with your mother, and let go of your anger at your siblings. You have something they don't, and it's their loss. I miss my father to this day, and wish I'd spent even more time with him, despite the dementia. Life is precious, even the small bits of lucidity that are left near the end.

[Anonymous]

My brother has disappeared from my life. It's nothing new, but it continues to upset me. The rift started after our mom died. We fought over some property, and I gave in and let him have it. Later I regretted it, so I paid myself half the value of the property from the cash in the estate without discussing it with him. I was sole executor and had the right to do so, but it made him so mad he didn't speak to me for a year, and to this day, 10 years later, has not mentioned it.

I also made him give me some property of mine his wife had taken out of our mom's house before she died. He was extremely angry about this, even though his wife had no right to take the property from our mom's house. His wife had used the items as part of her decorating scheme, and was angry she had to rearrange her house. I was furious she'd taken the items without asking me, especially since they came from my childhood bedroom.

I guess refusing to see me is the only way my brother has to hurt me, now that our parents are both gone. I was the "favorite" child, so he resents me, I'm guessing. I miss him, but there's nothing I can do about it. I've tried to talk with him, but he's in total denial, so I've stopped trying.

[Anonymous]

Hoping the current IVF cycle I am on works. I am AMA and hoping for baby #1 and I am single. I have been at this for a while now. Good luck to you all who are going through hard times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you said "I have been supporting you for 20 years, and in return I want one week of help from you", what would her likely response be?

The woman is ill, obviously, so rational thinking won't work. What healthy 40 year old would allow her 18 year old daughter to take care of her -- and then extend that for 20 years?

PP, I hope you can see that your mother is mentally/emotionally/psychologically ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother has disappeared from my life. It's nothing new, but it continues to upset me. The rift started after our mom died. We fought over some property, and I gave in and let him have it. Later I regretted it, so I paid myself half the value of the property from the cash in the estate without discussing it with him. I was sole executor and had the right to do so, but it made him so mad he didn't speak to me for a year, and to this day, 10 years later, has not mentioned it.

I also made him give me some property of mine his wife had taken out of our mom's house before she died. He was extremely angry about this, even though his wife had no right to take the property from our mom's house. His wife had used the items as part of her decorating scheme, and was angry she had to rearrange her house. I was furious she'd taken the items without asking me, especially since they came from my childhood bedroom.

I guess refusing to see me is the only way my brother has to hurt me, now that our parents are both gone. I was the "favorite" child, so he resents me, I'm guessing. I miss him, but there's nothing I can do about it. I've tried to talk with him, but he's in total denial, so I've stopped trying.

If you were my sister, I would not be talking to you either.

[Anonymous]

Me neither!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silence, probably. She is not the confrontational type.

Somehow she thinks it's my duty to support her since she gave me life. She tells everyone that I support her, it's like something to be proud of in her book.

God almighty. Spare me the wrath of a spiteful child. Wow.