"My child is so mature and so independant for her age..."

[Anonymous]

OP you will notice very quickly (obvously) that one is either a helicopter or absent. This is D.C. there is no in between!

We have about half and half in the neighborhood. I have to say, I would pick the helicopter scenario over the absentee scenario. The latter seem so absolutely starving for attention from a young age, its sad. Not to mention, they are wandering the neighborhood way earlier than they should be. My husband and I always say (as we pull out of the neighborhood) - we truly hope the worst doesn't happen today (or any day). Not everyone is there to look out for others kids the way that kind of parent relies on. It is not 1952, and some parents are truly naive. Being checked out is never good. Feeling neglected as a youngster (whether or not such parent admits to it) is never good. Get help and figure out why you are so checked out. It is a psychological problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's kind of funny but it's kind of sad too. It seems very neurotic to me to make a 2 year-old work for 45 minutes. I have a child that age (this is my third child) and she doesn't have the type of attention span that would allow anything to be fun for 45 minutes. That's very typical for her age too. Maybe playdough or swimming but certainly not housework. Also, this woman freely admits to "pushing" the kid. I'm thinking that if the kid is really excited about doing the work and feels a great sense of accomplishment, it's because the mom is putting a lot of pressure on her and is giving her so much praise when she does it right. She also says that the other kid is being ignored while playing. So, in effect, they get to take turns being in mommy's favor. It's hard to imagine that any of this is healthy. I am all for teaching responsibilities and giving kids age appropriate chores but come on... this is over the top.

Wow. I'm the original PP and I must say I feel a bit misunderstood. By "pushing" I certainly didn't mean that I force them to work, simply that I provide lots of opportunities and support for them to practice "helping" with adult tasks. As for not being interested for 45 minutes of work, it's not like they are scrubbing the floor for 45 minutes. They stay with me for my afternoon dishes/dinner/trash/tidy the kitchen/set the table routine, helping where ever there's something they can do, which is most of the time. As for the idea that the child who helps is getting my favor and attention, while the kid who's having the day off is neglected, I say much for that. Yes, one kid is with me and the other is playing independently. My older kid really enjoys having time to build a tower, etc. without the toddler underfoot, and on the toddler's days he enjoys having a chance to play with the toys his sibling typically monopolizes. I used to let the both help, but they inevitably ended up fighting over which one got to do the favorite chores (like opening the fridge, or using a washcloth) so I decided we should take turns.

Whatever. I'm sure everyone who's still reading this thread is already convinced I'm a terrible mom. How dare I defy their expectations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's kind of funny but it's kind of sad too. It seems very neurotic to me to make a 2 year-old work for 45 minutes. I have a child that age (this is my third child) and she doesn't have the type of attention span that would allow anything to be fun for 45 minutes. That's very typical for her age too. Maybe playdough or swimming but certainly not housework. Also, this woman freely admits to "pushing" the kid. I'm thinking that if the kid is really excited about doing the work and feels a great sense of accomplishment, it's because the mom is putting a lot of pressure on her and is giving her so much praise when she does it right. She also says that the other kid is being ignored while playing. So, in effect, they get to take turns being in mommy's favor. It's hard to imagine that any of this is healthy. I am all for teaching responsibilities and giving kids age appropriate chores but come on... this is over the top.

Wow. I'm the original PP and I must say I feel a bit misunderstood. By "pushing" I certainly didn't mean that I force them to work, simply that I provide lots of opportunities and support for them to practice "helping" with adult tasks. As for not being interested for 45 minutes of work, it's not like they are scrubbing the floor for 45 minutes. They stay with me for my afternoon dishes/dinner/trash/tidy the kitchen/set the table routine, helping where ever there's something they can do, which is most of the time. As for the idea that the child who helps is getting my favor and attention, while the kid who's having the day off is neglected, I say much for that. Yes, one kid is with me and the other is playing independently. My older kid really enjoys having time to build a tower, etc. without the toddler underfoot, and on the toddler's days he enjoys having a chance to play with the toys his sibling typically monopolizes. I used to let the both help, but they inevitably ended up fighting over which one got to do the favorite chores (like opening the fridge, or using a washcloth) so I decided we should take turns.

Whatever. I'm sure everyone who's still reading this thread is already convinced I'm a terrible mom. How dare I defy their expectations!

PP, please do a favor to us all and stop trying to explain yourself. It is clear to the "ears" (or eyes) or normal people who have good reading comprehension skills that you are in fact doing a great job and your kids are having fun. However, there are some freaks out there who are determined to find a fault with your parenting - so now leaving a child playing by herself for 45min is ignoring the child huh? Wow, talk about over the top! Crazy freaks.

[Anonymous]

PP, your parenting activities sound just like everybody else's. Who doesn't have their kids underfoot all day long while they try to both do what needs to be done and "play" with their kids? we all do it them same way. The difference is your interpretation of what that all means. It's just play. It's just for fun. They learn all the time, at everything they do. They are not being "productive" any more than any other toddler can be "productive." A sense of accomplishment comes from accomplishing something; they are putting shape A in shape B, just as if they were using a shape sorter, even if you call it "loading the dishwasher."

[Anonymous]

The truth is that it's impossible for me or anyone else here to know if the PP is a good parent or a bad parent. I just found her wording very disturbing in the context of the conversation about parentified kids. She might be doing a great job or she might be pushing them too hard. there is no way for any of us to know. My previous comment wasn't about leaving one kid to play alone; it was about the possibility of playing the children off one another and having one be in favor for the day because that one is being the little adult. None of this will make much sense to people who don't understand the concept of parentification. But if you want to hijack the conversation just to give your opinion on a person's parenting that you have never even met, there is nothing I can do about it. I admit that I could be wrong but the wording sounding like there was a strong possibility of some parentification going on there. It's important to note that there are different types of parentification and one of those describes children who are given too much responsibility to do the tasks that adults should be doing.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing there's no fans of the free range kids movement here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing there's no fans of the free range kids movement here.

I wonder if that's true; I'd love to hear OP's (and others') thoughts on the matter. I like the idea of free range kids in part because I think it keeps kids kids for as long as possible, instead of doing what adults impose on them.

[Anonymous]

this thread is totally absurd. sorry OP, just because you had a crappy childhood doesn't mean that every "mature" child had your upbringing. And the crazy opining about the word "mature" is ridiculous! I call my kid "crazy,""a nutjob," and i tell her she's a "big girl" (she's 13 MO). Guess what - none of that is literal. I seriously doubt people who say their kids are mature literally mean they've had more life experiences and therefore have a deeper background from which to make important life choices. Um no, they mean their kid picks their nose less often and is smart enough to know they shouldn't cross the street without an adult. Or even more likely they think their kid is super special is a way that nobody else's kid could possible live up to . . . pretty much the same thing every other parent in the world thinks about their kid.

Its fabulous that you have so much insight into the lives of every single family who thinks their kid is mature and independent. But maybe . . . just maybe . . . you're jumping to conclusions, overreacting, and forcing your own baggage onto other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing there's no fans of the free range kids movement here.

I wonder if that's true; I'd love to hear OP's (and others') thoughts on the matter. I like the idea of free range kids in part because I think it keeps kids kids for as long as possible, instead of doing what adults impose on them.

I'm not OP but I think it's a totally different subject. That is really just a question of how comfortable you are letting your kids do things independently out in the world. It doesn't make you a good parent or a bad parent to let your kids have some freedom when you feel comfortable doing so. It doesn't speak to the question of how much attention and what kind of attention you are paying your children when you are with them. It doesn't answer the question of whether or not parents have appropriate boundaries with their kids or whether they make them act as parents to younger siblings or give them too much responsibility for adult tasks. I don't have a specific answer. I let my kids do some things on their own and not others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this thread is totally absurd. sorry OP, just because you had a crappy childhood doesn't mean that every "mature" child had your upbringing. And the crazy opining about the word "mature" is ridiculous! I call my kid "crazy,""a nutjob," and i tell her she's a "big girl" (she's 13 MO). Guess what - none of that is literal. I seriously doubt people who say their kids are mature literally mean they've had more life experiences and therefore have a deeper background from which to make important life choices. Um no, they mean their kid picks their nose less often and is smart enough to know they shouldn't cross the street without an adult. Or even more likely they think their kid is super special is a way that nobody else's kid could possible live up to . . . pretty much the same thing every other parent in the world thinks about their kid.

Its fabulous that you have so much insight into the lives of every single family who thinks their kid is mature and independent. But maybe . . . just maybe . . . you're jumping to conclusions, overreacting, and forcing your own baggage onto other people.

It must be nice for you to know everything about parenting now that you have a one year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this thread is totally absurd. sorry OP, just because you had a crappy childhood doesn't mean that every "mature" child had your upbringing. And the crazy opining about the word "mature" is ridiculous! I call my kid "crazy,""a nutjob," and i tell her she's a "big girl" (she's 13 MO). Guess what - none of that is literal. I seriously doubt people who say their kids are mature literally mean they've had more life experiences and therefore have a deeper background from which to make important life choices. Um no, they mean their kid picks their nose less often and is smart enough to know they shouldn't cross the street without an adult. Or even more likely they think their kid is super special is a way that nobody else's kid could possible live up to . . . pretty much the same thing every other parent in the world thinks about their kid.

Its fabulous that you have so much insight into the lives of every single family who thinks their kid is mature and independent. But maybe . . . just maybe . . . you're jumping to conclusions, overreacting, and forcing your own baggage onto other people.

It must be nice for you to know everything about parenting now that you have a one year-old.

I know it sucks being called out for being ridiculous. but no need to get defensive . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this thread is totally absurd. sorry OP, just because you had a crappy childhood doesn't mean that every "mature" child had your upbringing. And the crazy opining about the word "mature" is ridiculous! I call my kid "crazy,""a nutjob," and i tell her she's a "big girl" (she's 13 MO). Guess what - none of that is literal. I seriously doubt people who say their kids are mature literally mean they've had more life experiences and therefore have a deeper background from which to make important life choices. Um no, they mean their kid picks their nose less often and is smart enough to know they shouldn't cross the street without an adult. Or even more likely they think their kid is super special is a way that nobody else's kid could possible live up to . . . pretty much the same thing every other parent in the world thinks about their kid.

Its fabulous that you have so much insight into the lives of every single family who thinks their kid is mature and independent. But maybe . . . just maybe . . . you're jumping to conclusions, overreacting, and forcing your own baggage onto other people.

It must be nice for you to know everything about parenting now that you have a one year-old.

I know it sucks being called out for being ridiculous. but no need to get defensive . . .

It doesn't really suck because it's just another silly, obnoxious dcum post. And I'm not defensive at all. You just sound like you are not getting the concepts here and like you enjoy having an opinion on things you don't understand. Plenty of people with young kids think they understand everything about being a parent and enjoy expressing those opinions. I'm not the OP btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this thread is totally absurd. sorry OP, just because you had a crappy childhood doesn't mean that every "mature" child had your upbringing. And the crazy opining about the word "mature" is ridiculous! I call my kid "crazy,""a nutjob," and i tell her she's a "big girl" (she's 13 MO). Guess what - none of that is literal. I seriously doubt people who say their kids are mature literally mean they've had more life experiences and therefore have a deeper background from which to make important life choices. Um no, they mean their kid picks their nose less often and is smart enough to know they shouldn't cross the street without an adult. Or even more likely they think their kid is super special is a way that nobody else's kid could possible live up to . . . pretty much the same thing every other parent in the world thinks about their kid.

Its fabulous that you have so much insight into the lives of every single family who thinks their kid is mature and independent. But maybe . . . just maybe . . . you're jumping to conclusions, overreacting, and forcing your own baggage onto other people.

It must be nice for you to know everything about parenting now that you have a one year-old.

Yea i'm this PP. I don't know everything about parenting, but I do know i consider my child both mature and independent, my parents always bragged about my maturity and independence, and i know an awful lot of parents who tell me the exact same thing about their children. that's a pretty broad brush your painting with. i also know people who call their kid shy and clingy. I guess those parents are overprotecting and caccooning, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's kind of funny but it's kind of sad too. It seems very neurotic to me to make a 2 year-old work for 45 minutes. I have a child that age (this is my third child) and she doesn't have the type of attention span that would allow anything to be fun for 45 minutes. That's very typical for her age too. Maybe playdough or swimming but certainly not housework. Also, this woman freely admits to "pushing" the kid. I'm thinking that if the kid is really excited about doing the work and feels a great sense of accomplishment, it's because the mom is putting a lot of pressure on her and is giving her so much praise when she does it right. She also says that the other kid is being ignored while playing. So, in effect, they get to take turns being in mommy's favor. It's hard to imagine that any of this is healthy. I am all for teaching responsibilities and giving kids age appropriate chores but come on... this is over the top.

The truth is that it's impossible for me or anyone else here to know if the PP is a good parent or a bad parent. I just found her wording very disturbing in the context of the conversation about parentified kids. She might be doing a great job or she might be pushing them too hard. there is no way for any of us to know. My previous comment wasn't about leaving one kid to play alone; it was about the possibility of playing the children off one another and having one be in favor for the day because that one is being the little adult. None of this will make much sense to people who don't understand the concept of parentification. But if you want to hijack the conversation just to give your opinion on a person's parenting that you have never even met, there is nothing I can do about it. I admit that I could be wrong but the wording sounding like there was a strong possibility of some parentification going on there. It's important to note that there are different types of parentification and one of those describes children who are given too much responsibility to do the tasks that adults should be doing.

You were not talking about a "possibility" - you were very matter of fact when you said pp ignored one of her kids and set them up to be in mom's favor. PP never said such thing, she said they do like to play alone sometimes - the older child because he/she has the opportunity to play without the constant interruption of the younger, and the younger because he has the opportunity to play with toys that are usually monopolized by the older. You like to play and manipulate words to fit your bias. It is too back your childhood sucked, but stop projecting your issues to every other family out there that chooses a different approach on parenting. You know, some families are horrible enough to pay big bucks to enroll their kids in Montessori preschools so they learn and do all this stuff you are so set against it. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this thread is totally absurd. sorry OP, just because you had a crappy childhood doesn't mean that every "mature" child had your upbringing. And the crazy opining about the word "mature" is ridiculous! I call my kid "crazy,""a nutjob," and i tell her she's a "big girl" (she's 13 MO). Guess what - none of that is literal. I seriously doubt people who say their kids are mature literally mean they've had more life experiences and therefore have a deeper background from which to make important life choices. Um no, they mean their kid picks their nose less often and is smart enough to know they shouldn't cross the street without an adult. Or even more likely they think their kid is super special is a way that nobody else's kid could possible live up to . . . pretty much the same thing every other parent in the world thinks about their kid.

Its fabulous that you have so much insight into the lives of every single family who thinks their kid is mature and independent. But maybe . . . just maybe . . . you're jumping to conclusions, overreacting, and forcing your own baggage onto other people.

It must be nice for you to know everything about parenting now that you have a one year-old.

Yea i'm this PP. I don't know everything about parenting, but I do know i consider my child both mature and independent, my parents always bragged about my maturity and independence, and i know an awful lot of parents who tell me the exact same thing about their children. that's a pretty broad brush your painting with. i also know people who call their kid shy and clingy. I guess those parents are overprotecting and caccooning, right?

Your 13 month-old is mature and independent?