"My child is so mature and so independant for her age..."
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Anonymous
| I was independent and mature - because I was an only child who had involved parents. My parents were supportive and non-judgemental and I had the confidence to take chances and put myself out there because I knew I had a safety net. |
Anonymous
This is a bit late but I still want to reply. I think you're "sticking to the rules," too much and trying to set a general rule for every case. There are still cases where children are mature for their age without being forced to be a child. My main instance is myself: as a child my parents gave a fairly good balance between freedom and being protective. At the age of 4 my favorite thing to do was build things with tinkertoys and watch spongbob. I was very immature about some things, such as being responsible, doing homework, etc... which hasn't changed too much, but about other things it was pretty funky. Like at the age of 6 I became obsessed with religion and trying to see if God existed or not. I would present forms of arguments to my parents and friends. In 2nd grade I became with the notion of death wondering why it was a must in this world. I remember in 2nd grade and seeing a couple holding hands and my thought was word for word this, "look at us in 2nd grade and already worried about relationships. We have so much more life ahead of us." In kindergarten I was taken to day care a time or two. The last time I was taken everyone was watching telletubbies. I didn't care for watching telletubbies and just laid down in the back of the room thinking. At one point everyone started skipping around the room laughing, and when the teacher probed me to join in all I could wonder was why in the world the other kids were so damn shallow and baby like. Don't they see how silly teletubbies is? So in some ways I was mature, but in others I was out there. Like social interactions. It took me an enormously long time to develop so as to understand what was socially acceptable and what wasn't, and even now I'm still out there, just not as clueless. I'll admit I'm a bit of an exception. For instance, in high school I'm taking 21 credit hours in college and love to skip around campus, dodge cracks in the sidewalk, while wearing a pink and purple beanie. Still, I hope this serves as a case to point out that all children won't behave the same in the same circumstances. Many very well be mature with very good parents. I'm not very concerned about your belief of what causes mature children or not, but in general I think you're trying to set a standard rule and that just can't be the case. My reason for writing this is just to point out that the world isn't black and white, yet you seem like someone who would prefer it to be so just like many other parents. So many parents want to draw a line for every issue and topic when reality is more fuzzy than that. Lines are merely human convenience since it helps us operate and keeps things less confusing. |
Anonymous
| I couldn't even read this thread, it is so absurd. |
Anonymous
| Hey, that's great! I know a lot of people have been saying bad stuff, but some kids like me, had a bad past but once out of that situation was mature, and beyond my years. But some kids personalities just makes them mature! Also, being oldest child and having younger siblings, I have 4.... makes you more responsible, and thus viewed often as mature. But again.... mature doesn't always mean bad! |
Anonymous
| OP thank you so much for sharing your story. My son has a friend whose parents are not involved and let him do anything and take care of himself. He packed for the weekend to come to our house and only brought a tshirt. that's it. I didn't mind but it was kinda sad to see. He also seems to not have any sense of imagination and does't act like a little kid. It's kinda weird. I feel bad for him. He kind of clings to my husband. His mom says things to me like just sit down and stop worrying - this is when my 1.5 year old was in a kiddy pool without any type of floaties on. She makes me feel like a crazy control mom. Then I read stories like yours and feel slightly better about what I'm doing.. |
Anonymous
| Mature and independent can describe a lot of things. For me it's most commonly associated with self help skills and having a lot of those by NO MEANS means the parents are not involved...quite the opposite. So before you judge people who are proud of their independent kids you should make sure you know what you are talking about... |
Anonymous
| I think that keeping your child from playing with another child because they are mature is absurd. I know that your child is the absolute most important thing to you, but think about the other child for just a second. As I was growing up, I was "independent and mature". My parents were very involved, and I had an extremely close relationship with my Dad. Other parents and children had the same mentality of isolating me, or that independent child, which makes it so that child is forced to mature even more and grow even more independent. If the people in their world make it so they can't have friends due to isolation, they are setting that child up to have a horrible childhood/young adult-hood, because trust me, little socialization in pre-school and kindergarten leads to horrible social skills and anxiety issues in the future. I obviously am not the "Parental Rules Ultimatum Person", but still take the idea in to account that children is our species future chance of survival, so we need to make sure they all turn out okay, and isolating the few that are wise beyond their years is dampening what could be some of the most intelligent people of the next generation. |
Anonymous
| OP you are coming into this with baggage. It's not bad for any aged child to be mature, it's not expecting them to do taxes or make their own dinner, it's about having the confidence to face new situations with some modicum of emotional stability. That emotional stability comes when you know that a parent will always be there for you when you need it. My daughter is very mature, because she is very smart and reads constantly and is confident both in our love for her and her own capabilities. |
Anonymous
| .... |
Anonymous
| Historical note: if you liked "watching Spongebob" when you were 4, the OLDEST you can be now is 22. Take a seat with your theories of what will work out well for a kid. |
Anonymous
|
Depends how you define mature and independent.
I'm glad my kids are independent enough to entertain themselves. I'm glad I don't have whiny kids that require parental entertainment 24/7. I'm glad my kids are mature enough to behave in public. I'm glad they look adults in the eye and carry on a conversation (many of their peers can't/won't/don't). I'm glad that I don't have to wait on my kids hand and foot. They can make their own snacks and clean up after themselves. They know how to do laundry. They know how to mow the lawn. My kids are the ones that neighbors trust to pick up their mail, feed their pets and water the plants. It's not like DH and I have checked out. Rather, we're raising independent kids who are far better equipped to handle things themselves as opposed to whining and crying for constant adult attention and intervention. |
Anonymous
| For anyone who's just wandered in on page 7, there's a lot of stupid in the first 5 pages. |
Anonymous
NP, but no, clearly not if you read the post. PP is "right beside" the child, which implies assisting him when necessary. I have a five year old, and at 2 she was helping with loading the dishwasher, but nothing heavy and not the knives. I don't think mature or independent can be judged as either good or bad, because it depends on what is meant and how the outcome was achieved. A child held to high expectations, but with loving caregivers who made sure that the kid felt supported and loved and never overwhelmed is good, but if independence was achieved with shame, fear, or neglect it certainly isn't beneficial. |
Anonymous
| Our culture in the US coddles kids too much anyway and tends to produce helpless children who lack both competence and confidence -- given that, being "mature for their age" compared to their peers is something I would consider not just good but specifically desirable to strive for in raising kids. |
Anonymous
Hahahha. That post also came off as someone trying to sound like a gifted genius who is soo much smarter than her peers, but somehow has the writing style of a 12 yr old. |