IVF embryo error, custody settlement

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I haven't followed it all the way, but I remember being shocked that they located the biological parents and they didn't choose to sue for custody. I get why it's not the birth couple's fault, but I couldn't be so generous.

I went through IVF and I can't imagine being either couple in this scenario.

I think it was a very loving choice by the genetic parents. They didn't want to take a baby from the only family it has known or put parents who had bonded with and carried a baby through the pain of loss.

Well sure, I called it generous. I just couldn't do it.

+1

Maybe the couple "lucked out" in the sense that the biological parents had already completed their family, and it was a surplus embryo. We're not given any details but it could be something along those lines.

Is that actually lucky? Can you imagine being the biological couple’s other children and knowing that your parents would just give your siblings away? It would make me feel very disposable.

Could you imagine being the baby and when you grow up realizing your bio parents said, no thanks.

The bio mom whose egg was used is not a parent, never was
Neither is that child a sibling of some unknown person who they have never met.
It’s just genetics. Not ownership. People are not possessions

No, it isn't just that simple. There will always be a biological pull and you can't take away tens of thousands of years of evolution. You can't magically erase that. It becomes even more complicated when a child is of a different race than the adoptive parents. It can be hard for a child of color to grow up with white parents and it makes it harder knowing you have parents and a biological sibling who looks like you do.

The couple who got custody never should have publicly identified themselves and certainly shouldn't have agreed to post a picture of their family.

IMO, all these adults should be doing what is best FOR THE CHILD.

As soon as that baby was born they knew there was a mix-up. Once the DNA was done and bio parents were identified, truly selfless people would have given the bio parents THEIR baby.

Yes, the woman carried the embryo. Yes, it was absolutely gut-wrenching to have this happen. And no, just because the bio parents are identified and will keep in contact doesn't make it all right.

I cannot imagine the life this child will have when their visiting bio parents (and siblings?) come for a visit and then leave them behind.

It’s best for the child to remain with whatever their primary caregiver was since birth. They will likely have little to no connection with anyone except the parent they’ve bonded to since infancy.

What are you talking about? The minute this baby was born they knew there was an issue.

Within days, that NEWBORN's bio parents could have been identified and their baby returned to them. They obviously wanted the child or there wouldn't have been a custody issue.

I'll bet that money played a hand in this. Like it does with so many issues related to adoption in general. Perhaps the biological parents knew they couldn't out-gun the adoptive parents legally.

Apparently this was it. The law favors the parent who carried the child, which seems wrong to me. Heartrending for the biological parents--I can't imagine.

https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-15911703/embryo-custody-Tiffany-Score-Steven-Mills.html

I think it's just a matter of time before the law is challenged, and changed.

[Anonymous]

That baby will be furious with the parents who raised her once she’s old enough to understand what happened. They absolutely should have returned the baby to her biological parents.

How on earth are the custodial parents not thinking about the fallout down the road?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That baby will be furious with the parents who raised her once she’s old enough to understand what happened. They absolutely should have returned the baby to her biological parents.

How on earth are the custodial parents not thinking about the fallout down the road?

The families both agreed to this?

[Anonymous]

The genetic parents realized the law was not on their side and it would likely be a costly and unsuccessful lawsuit to win custody so they agreed to this arrangement to be allowed to stay in the child’s life. It is very sad for the genetic parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That baby will be furious with the parents who raised her once she’s old enough to understand what happened. They absolutely should have returned the baby to her biological parents.

How on earth are the custodial parents not thinking about the fallout down the road?

+1. I can’t believe the biological parents didn’t get their baby back. There is no permanent bond formed by the guardians. It has not been long and it was obvious it wasn’t their baby as soon as she was born. I feel bad for the guardians but they are doing the wrong thing for the baby and her real parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That baby will be furious with the parents who raised her once she’s old enough to understand what happened. They absolutely should have returned the baby to her biological parents.

How on earth are the custodial parents not thinking about the fallout down the road?

+1. I can’t believe the biological parents didn’t get their baby back. There is no permanent bond formed by the guardians. It has not been long and it was obvious it wasn’t their baby as soon as she was born. I feel bad for the guardians but they are doing the wrong thing for the baby and her real parents.

You don’t think there’s a permanent bond that results from growing a baby in your and birthing it? Are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The genetic parents realized the law was not on their side and it would likely be a costly and unsuccessful lawsuit to win custody so they agreed to this arrangement to be allowed to stay in the child’s life. It is very sad for the genetic parents.

The birth mother has said the genetic parents are staying a part of their shared child’s life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That baby will be furious with the parents who raised her once she’s old enough to understand what happened. They absolutely should have returned the baby to her biological parents.

How on earth are the custodial parents not thinking about the fallout down the road?

The woman who carried her is also her biological parent. Its impossible to say how the baby will feel. The woman who carried her should keep her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That baby will be furious with the parents who raised her once she’s old enough to understand what happened. They absolutely should have returned the baby to her biological parents.

How on earth are the custodial parents not thinking about the fallout down the road?

+1. I can’t believe the biological parents didn’t get their baby back. There is no permanent bond formed by the guardians. It has not been long and it was obvious it wasn’t their baby as soon as she was born. I feel bad for the guardians but they are doing the wrong thing for the baby and her real parents.

They are not the guardians. The woman who carried her is her mother, just like when they do embryo transplants or sperm donation. Same with adoption. We adopted. So you are saying we are fake parents and just guardians? And, there is no bond between us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't followed it all the way, but I remember being shocked that they located the biological parents and they didn't choose to sue for custody. I get why it's not the birth couple's fault, but I couldn't be so generous.

I went through IVF and I can't imagine being either couple in this scenario.

I think it was a very loving choice by the genetic parents. They didn't want to take a baby from the only family it has known or put parents who had bonded with and carried a baby through the pain of loss.

Well sure, I called it generous. I just couldn't do it.

+1

Maybe the couple "lucked out" in the sense that the biological parents had already completed their family, and it was a surplus embryo. We're not given any details but it could be something along those lines.

Is that actually lucky? Can you imagine being the biological couple’s other children and knowing that your parents would just give your siblings away? It would make me feel very disposable.

Could you imagine being the baby and when you grow up realizing your bio parents said, no thanks.

The bio mom whose egg was used is not a parent, never was
Neither is that child a sibling of some unknown person who they have never met.
It’s just genetics. Not ownership. People are not possessions

No, it isn't just that simple. There will always be a biological pull and you can't take away tens of thousands of years of evolution. You can't magically erase that. It becomes even more complicated when a child is of a different race than the adoptive parents. It can be hard for a child of color to grow up with white parents and it makes it harder knowing you have parents and a biological sibling who looks like you do.

The couple who got custody never should have publicly identified themselves and certainly shouldn't have agreed to post a picture of their family.

How do you know that? Everyone feels differently. We have an open adoption and honestly, my kid has little interest in the biological relatives. They can freely email, etc. and they don't. We don't restrict anything ever and I push my child to do it. I do it all and the relationship is really between me and the relatives (who I adore and prefer over my own).

The woman who carried the child is the parent. These are the child's parents.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why people assume the mom who birthed her was adversarial with the genetic parents. The birth mom literally went public saying she absolutely loves this baby but is trying to find the genetic parents because they deserve to know. She is the one who tracked the genetic parents down in the first place!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't followed it all the way, but I remember being shocked that they located the biological parents and they didn't choose to sue for custody. I get why it's not the birth couple's fault, but I couldn't be so generous.

I went through IVF and I can't imagine being either couple in this scenario.

I think it was a very loving choice by the genetic parents. They didn't want to take a baby from the only family it has known or put parents who had bonded with and carried a baby through the pain of loss.

Well sure, I called it generous. I just couldn't do it.

+1

Maybe the couple "lucked out" in the sense that the biological parents had already completed their family, and it was a surplus embryo. We're not given any details but it could be something along those lines.

Is that actually lucky? Can you imagine being the biological couple’s other children and knowing that your parents would just give your siblings away? It would make me feel very disposable.

Could you imagine being the baby and when you grow up realizing your bio parents said, no thanks.

The bio mom whose egg was used is not a parent, never was
Neither is that child a sibling of some unknown person who they have never met.
It’s just genetics. Not ownership. People are not possessions

No, it isn't just that simple. There will always be a biological pull and you can't take away tens of thousands of years of evolution. You can't magically erase that. It becomes even more complicated when a child is of a different race than the adoptive parents. It can be hard for a child of color to grow up with white parents and it makes it harder knowing you have parents and a biological sibling who looks like you do.

The couple who got custody never should have publicly identified themselves and certainly shouldn't have agreed to post a picture of their family.

Surrogacy with donor embryos is 41 years old. I don’t think evolution has caught up such that a kid knows on some instinctual level that the woman who birthed her isn’t her biological mom.

I don’t dispute that transracial adoption is very challenging on adoptees. But let’s not throw in pseudoscience about a genetic pull toward biology in this type of situation, absent citation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't followed it all the way, but I remember being shocked that they located the biological parents and they didn't choose to sue for custody. I get why it's not the birth couple's fault, but I couldn't be so generous.

I went through IVF and I can't imagine being either couple in this scenario.

I think it was a very loving choice by the genetic parents. They didn't want to take a baby from the only family it has known or put parents who had bonded with and carried a baby through the pain of loss.

Well sure, I called it generous. I just couldn't do it.

+1

Maybe the couple "lucked out" in the sense that the biological parents had already completed their family, and it was a surplus embryo. We're not given any details but it could be something along those lines.

Is that actually lucky? Can you imagine being the biological couple’s other children and knowing that your parents would just give your siblings away? It would make me feel very disposable.

Could you imagine being the baby and when you grow up realizing your bio parents said, no thanks.

The bio mom whose egg was used is not a parent, never was
Neither is that child a sibling of some unknown person who they have never met.
It’s just genetics. Not ownership. People are not possessions

No, it isn't just that simple. There will always be a biological pull and you can't take away tens of thousands of years of evolution. You can't magically erase that. It becomes even more complicated when a child is of a different race than the adoptive parents. It can be hard for a child of color to grow up with white parents and it makes it harder knowing you have parents and a biological sibling who looks like you do.

The couple who got custody never should have publicly identified themselves and certainly shouldn't have agreed to post a picture of their family.

Surrogacy with donor embryos is 41 years old. I don’t think evolution has caught up such that a kid knows on some instinctual level that the woman who birthed her isn’t her biological mom.

I don’t dispute that transracial adoption is very challenging on adoptees. But let’s not throw in pseudoscience about a genetic pull toward biology in this type of situation, absent citation.

By the time that kid is three she is going to know she looks nothing like her parents. I would assume the biological parents have other children because if not they would have fought tooth and nail for this baby. So as the child grows up it isn't like in many adoptions the birth mother is unable to take care of the child or the birth family is unstable or the parents willingly gave up their child. The later article said the birth family is South Asian. The baby is losing her culture and will realize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't followed it all the way, but I remember being shocked that they located the biological parents and they didn't choose to sue for custody. I get why it's not the birth couple's fault, but I couldn't be so generous.

I went through IVF and I can't imagine being either couple in this scenario.

I think it was a very loving choice by the genetic parents. They didn't want to take a baby from the only family it has known or put parents who had bonded with and carried a baby through the pain of loss.

Well sure, I called it generous. I just couldn't do it.

+1

Maybe the couple "lucked out" in the sense that the biological parents had already completed their family, and it was a surplus embryo. We're not given any details but it could be something along those lines.

Is that actually lucky? Can you imagine being the biological couple’s other children and knowing that your parents would just give your siblings away? It would make me feel very disposable.

Could you imagine being the baby and when you grow up realizing your bio parents said, no thanks.

The bio mom whose egg was used is not a parent, never was
Neither is that child a sibling of some unknown person who they have never met.
It’s just genetics. Not ownership. People are not possessions

No, it isn't just that simple. There will always be a biological pull and you can't take away tens of thousands of years of evolution. You can't magically erase that. It becomes even more complicated when a child is of a different race than the adoptive parents. It can be hard for a child of color to grow up with white parents and it makes it harder knowing you have parents and a biological sibling who looks like you do.

The couple who got custody never should have publicly identified themselves and certainly shouldn't have agreed to post a picture of their family.

Surrogacy with donor embryos is 41 years old. I don’t think evolution has caught up such that a kid knows on some instinctual level that the woman who birthed her isn’t her biological mom.

I don’t dispute that transracial adoption is very challenging on adoptees. But let’s not throw in pseudoscience about a genetic pull toward biology in this type of situation, absent citation.

By the time that kid is three she is going to know she looks nothing like her parents. I would assume the biological parents have other children because if not they would have fought tooth and nail for this baby. So as the child grows up it isn't like in many adoptions the birth mother is unable to take care of the child or the birth family is unstable or the parents willingly gave up their child. The later article said the birth family is South Asian. The baby is losing her culture and will realize it.

But she was birthed by her mom. She has a strong physical tie with her both mother and genetic parents.

Again, that’s not to say having parents of a different race is great and easy. But she is literally being raised by the woman who birthed her. And she is maintaining a relationship with her genetic parents. No matter who she ended up living with, she would have serious loss either way. I’d say taking her from the mother who birthed and raised her, loves her, and wants her is crueler than placing her with her genetic parents who did not even necessarily want to bring a/another baby into the world.

The best option is obviously maintaining a relationship with both sets of parents, which is evidently what the families agreed to.

[Anonymous]

Guys, the woman who gave birth to this baby did NOT agree to have her body used as a surrogate. If the law favors the birth mother, I think that's fair.

Both couples should sue the hell out of the fertility clinic.