Parents letting their little girls sleep over at my ex husband's house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former prosecutor it always chills me how easily some parents send their kids - especially girls - to sleep in a home with a man they barely know. Even teen boys can be predators, think of the girl raped and murdered by her own stepbrother.

Sleepovers at my house only.

A former prosecutor should be more thoughtful than to make comments suggesting that little girls are inherently more at risk for SA than boys. Or that boys are not abused by women. Or that predators do not always fit a stereotypical profile and that letting your guard down based on gender or marital status is not a great way to protect your kids.

In fact, I have to question if you were actually a prosecutor at all. If you were then I guess that explains the dismal state of our justice system these days.

I'm not a prosecutor but... girls are at higher risk--SA does happen to them more frequently. And men are much more likely to be abusers than women. Maybe the prosecutor isn't trying to eliminate risk (not possible anyway) but to reduce it.

[Anonymous]

There are at least to weirdos here; OP and the former prosecutor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is absolutely insane to let kids sleep over at a single man's house.

Simply because he’s single, or are you inferring the absence of a woman serving as a de facto guardian?
Because if it’s an issue of marital status, I can assure you that married men offend as well.

NP but for me it’s the absence of a woman’s presence, not marital status. I work with survivors of DV and SA, so I don’t allow my kids to sleepover at anyone’s house regardless. I’ve heard too much and experienced things myself as a kid. I think it’s a lot worse to let kids sleepover with a single male and no other adults, period. There are many stories in the news about things that happen at play dates- doesn’t even have to be sleepovers. Parents need to understand they should be fully aware who their kids spend time with and under what circumstances- never blindly trust anyone with your kids.

Meanwhile people are in the Michael Jackson thread saying he was just a big kid and it was all totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting your kids sleep there?

She probably has a court ordered custody schedule.

Have you seriously never heard of divorce?

If he’s a predator like OP implies, surely she has court orders, restraining orders and full custody. OP is inferring that he is a monster and no kid is safe around him. Surely she has taken legal action to keep her daughters from harm.

Oh, wait…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are at least to weirdos here; OP and the former prosecutor.

Yes they are easily identifiable

[Anonymous]

Y'all are taking crazy pills. If a father of girls is looking to molest he's gonna do it whether there's a wife around or not. And if a father of girls is looking to molest he's gonna do it with his own girls--not with their friends where the risk of getting caught is much higher.

Question for the prosecutor: exactly how many cases have you prosecuted where the perpetrator was the single father of underaged girls and the victims weren't related to him and were molested at sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex and I have two daughters ages 6 and 7.

We live in the same neighborhood and generally share the neighborhood friends so our kids have playdates with the local crew regardless of which house they're at. However, there are 2 families that live on his specific block, one with a 9yo girl and one with a 10yo girl. I havent met either family but the kids all play outside together when the girls are at their dad's. These 2 families avoid me at school functions so I'm not quite sure what the deal is there.

Friday night my ex texted me pics of my girls and the 2 older girls from the block having a sleepover at his house. I was...shocked. I actually assumed it would be hard for him to even have playdates at his house as a solo dad with only daughters, but the fact that two families let their little girls sleep there is bonkers to me.

Dont they presume he's a not so good person if his wife left him while we had little kids? Fwiw, he had a 3 year long affair, hid drinking, got a very severe DUI that was on trial for a year, those things resulted in job loss and he was unemployed for the last year. So, not exactly an upstanding citizen and someone I worry about having to coparent with.

Am I crazy? Are they crazy?

Why are you not in contact with the parents of children spending time at your child's house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting your kids sleep there?

She probably has a court ordered custody schedule.

Have you seriously never heard of divorce?

If he’s a predator like OP implies, surely she has court orders, restraining orders and full custody. OP is inferring that he is a monster and no kid is safe around him. Surely she has taken legal action to keep her daughters from harm.

Oh, wait…

With all due respect, there is a very high bar in the USA for these things, especially on the Commonwealth of Virginia side of the DMV. Very high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex and I have two daughters ages 6 and 7.

We live in the same neighborhood and generally share the neighborhood friends so our kids have playdates with the local crew regardless of which house they're at. However, there are 2 families that live on his specific block, one with a 9yo girl and one with a 10yo girl. I havent met either family but the kids all play outside together when the girls are at their dad's. These 2 families avoid me at school functions so I'm not quite sure what the deal is there.

Friday night my ex texted me pics of my girls and the 2 older girls from the block having a sleepover at his house. I was...shocked. I actually assumed it would be hard for him to even have playdates at his house as a solo dad with only daughters, but the fact that two families let their little girls sleep there is bonkers to me.

Dont they presume he's a not so good person if his wife left him while we had little kids? Fwiw, he had a 3 year long affair, hid drinking, got a very severe DUI that was on trial for a year, those things resulted in job loss and he was unemployed for the last year. So, not exactly an upstanding citizen and someone I worry about having to coparent with.

Am I crazy? Are they crazy?

To answer your question OP:

Yes, you are clearly crazy.

[Anonymous]

I don't know where people are getting pedo predator from the OP. XH doesn't sound like a prize, but an alcoholic affair-haver doesn't automatically equal pedo groomer predator.

The alcoholism/DUI would suggest he's likely not a good supervisor of children if he's solo parenting. That would likely be enough for me to nix a sleepover.

But PPs seem to be making some major leaps. It's enough for a guy to "just" be a crappy husband/human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where people are getting pedo predator from the OP. XH doesn't sound like a prize, but an alcoholic affair-haver doesn't automatically equal pedo groomer predator.

The alcoholism/DUI would suggest he's likely not a good supervisor of children if he's solo parenting. That would likely be enough for me to nix a sleepover.

But PPs seem to be making some major leaps. It's enough for a guy to "just" be a crappy husband/human.

I think when OP highlights the fact that it's "little girls" sleeping over, it implies a gender based concern. There is a couple other references in her post which highlight the gender issue ("I actually assumed it would be hard for him to even have playdates at his house as a solo dad with only daughters"), which is why people assumed she was talking about him as a possible predator.

I agree that the DUI is a legitimate concern, but 1) that's not gendered which the post definitely is and 2) no one but her knows about that. She thinks being a divorced man (emphasis on the man) is enough of a red flag to mean you wouldn't send your "little girls" (emphasis on the girls) to sleepover there. The implication is that there's something of a sexual nature that should be concerning them.

[Anonymous]

They're crazy.

Did you ever have any evidence that he's also a pedo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where people are getting pedo predator from the OP. XH doesn't sound like a prize, but an alcoholic affair-haver doesn't automatically equal pedo groomer predator.

The alcoholism/DUI would suggest he's likely not a good supervisor of children if he's solo parenting. That would likely be enough for me to nix a sleepover.

But PPs seem to be making some major leaps. It's enough for a guy to "just" be a crappy husband/human.

I think when OP highlights the fact that it's "little girls" sleeping over, it implies a gender based concern. There is a couple other references in her post which highlight the gender issue ("I actually assumed it would be hard for him to even have playdates at his house as a solo dad with only daughters"), which is why people assumed she was talking about him as a possible predator.

I agree that the DUI is a legitimate concern, but 1) that's not gendered which the post definitely is and 2) no one but her knows about that. She thinks being a divorced man (emphasis on the man) is enough of a red flag to mean you wouldn't send your "little girls" (emphasis on the girls) to sleepover there. The implication is that there's something of a sexual nature that should be concerning them.

Agree.
And the drinking/DUI - no mention of how long ago that was. It’s possible the trial and everything made him seek treatment and become a better person. Not excusing a DUI, but people do change.
And honestly 9 & 10 are not “little girls” anymore.
I think the OP is angry that her ex is friendly with this other family that she is not friendly with. Did ex “poison” them against her, or does she come off as a nutty ex-wife out for her ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're crazy.

Did you ever have any evidence that he's also a pedo?

She’s just bitter that he had an affair and he had a drinking problem. Nothing in having an affair or having a drinking problem indicates that he’s a pedo.

[Anonymous]

who did he have the affair with?