Perimenopause and no sex drive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you still love your husband? If not, then do some introspection about that. He deserves to be with someone who loves him. If you don't then let him go. And when you divorce, don't take him to the cleaners. You're the one who dropped the ball here, not him, so he shouldn't be screwed because you flaked on the marriage.

Please. You can’t always control who you want to have sex with. What if her DH let himself go?

Yeah not OP but my DH totally lacks any self reflection, he views my declining sex drive solely as a “me” problem rather than something he may have contributed to. First off, he’s totally let himself go and his big belly means that there are few sex positions that actually work anymore. He doesn’t even try to make himself attractive or get in shape. And I carry a disproportionate share of the mental load and household responsibilities, despite us both working full time. Even responsibilities that are supposed to be his he half-a$$-es, e.g. I cook dinner and he “cleans up” but never wipes down the counters or cleans dirty knives. Like literally every night I will come back down and there are crumbs and dirty chopping knives laying about, sometimes the pots and pans as well. He also doesn’t acknowledge things like Mother’s Day or my birthday, and whenever my kids are having a tough time he walks away leaving me to deal with them. But he totally seems to miss the connection that his lack of effort would have any influence on my attractiveness to him. And FWIW I am getting hormone levels checked and hopefully HRT could help but it’s not going to solve the above issues.

A weekly house cleaner visit would erase much of your resentment. They don’t cost very much.

DP. not really.

[Anonymous]

Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

PERImenopause is the key here. I hope you make it to menopause saying the same thing, but I wouldn’t count your chickens before they are hatched. You may get to a point where sex physically hurts and that obviously impacts how much you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

PERImenopause is the key here. I hope you make it to menopause saying the same thing, but I wouldn’t count your chickens before they are hatched. You may get to a point where sex physically hurts and that obviously impacts how much you want to.

I’m not that far away from menopause. And there are many ways to have orgasms other than penetration of course. And vaginal estrogen is supposed to help a lot (haven’t started that yet). And the more orgasms you have the better everything works!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

You don't see why your ovaries ceasing function would change sex drive and sexual function? I'm glad you've had a positive experience, but to not even understand that other women may experience something different? Huh. To reach middle age and to be either so lacking in knowledge or empathy is embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

PERImenopause is the key here. I hope you make it to menopause saying the same thing, but I wouldn’t count your chickens before they are hatched. You may get to a point where sex physically hurts and that obviously impacts how much you want to.

I’m not that far away from menopause. And there are many ways to have orgasms other than penetration of course. And vaginal estrogen is supposed to help a lot (haven’t started that yet). And the more orgasms you have the better everything works!

You sure know a lot about things you haven’t experienced!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him take you from behind while you fantasize about the other men in your head. It's like using him as your masturbation toy. It's OK to disconnect like that during sex. He's probably doing the same thing.

What if he makes noise or something? Doesn’t that break your concentration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

You don't see why your ovaries ceasing function would change sex drive and sexual function? I'm glad you've had a positive experience, but to not even understand that other women may experience something different? Huh. To reach middle age and to be either so lacking in knowledge or empathy is embarrassing.

Change yes, end, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

PERImenopause is the key here. I hope you make it to menopause saying the same thing, but I wouldn’t count your chickens before they are hatched. You may get to a point where sex physically hurts and that obviously impacts how much you want to.

I’m not that far away from menopause. And there are many ways to have orgasms other than penetration of course. And vaginal estrogen is supposed to help a lot (haven’t started that yet). And the more orgasms you have the better everything works!

You sure know a lot about things you haven’t experienced!

I’ve read a lot about it. Plenty of women continue to enjoy sex well after menopause. The idea that it is a biological shut-off doesn’t bear weight. I think for most women, if you put some time into rediscovering what feels good, you’ll feel it again. But if you had a marriage of bad or so-so sex and now your husband is unappealing and you are changing with perimenopause and maybe on an SSRI then yes, I can see how this would register as lack of interest in sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him take you from behind while you fantasize about the other men in your head. It's like using him as your masturbation toy. It's OK to disconnect like that during sex. He's probably doing the same thing.

What if he makes noise or something? Doesn’t that break your concentration?

You just have to get deep into the fantasy! It’s fun. But doesn’t really work for me if my partner is just plain bad at sex. Some things cannot be remedied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

PERImenopause is the key here. I hope you make it to menopause saying the same thing, but I wouldn’t count your chickens before they are hatched. You may get to a point where sex physically hurts and that obviously impacts how much you want to.

I’m not that far away from menopause. And there are many ways to have orgasms other than penetration of course. And vaginal estrogen is supposed to help a lot (haven’t started that yet). And the more orgasms you have the better everything works!

You sure know a lot about things you haven’t experienced!

I’ve read a lot about it. Plenty of women continue to enjoy sex well after menopause. The idea that it is a biological shut-off doesn’t bear weight. I think for most women, if you put some time into rediscovering what feels good, you’ll feel it again. But if you had a marriage of bad or so-so sex and now your husband is unappealing and you are changing with perimenopause and maybe on an SSRI then yes, I can see how this would register as lack of interest in sex.

Just shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

You don't see why your ovaries ceasing function would change sex drive and sexual function? I'm glad you've had a positive experience, but to not even understand that other women may experience something different? Huh. To reach middle age and to be either so lacking in knowledge or empathy is embarrassing.

NP, and agree completely.

It is almost as if the PP you answered is trying to deny peri and meno exist at all.

Talk about patronizing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perimenopause over here with the same sex drive I have always had more or less. I think the hormones matter much less than popular culture says. Yes men and women’s sex drives and sexual function BOTH change over time. But so far nothing has disappeared and I don’t see why it would. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I enjoy orgasms and being turned on so I don’t see that going away. Change yes, go away, no.

You don't see why your ovaries ceasing function would change sex drive and sexual function? I'm glad you've had a positive experience, but to not even understand that other women may experience something different? Huh. To reach middle age and to be either so lacking in knowledge or empathy is embarrassing.

NP, and agree completely.

It is almost as if the PP you answered is trying to deny peri and meno exist at all.

Talk about patronizing!

You think it’s patronizing to say women can enjoy sex in menopause? Ok then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him take you from behind while you fantasize about the other men in your head. It's like using him as your masturbation toy. It's OK to disconnect like that during sex. He's probably doing the same thing.

What if he makes noise or something? Doesn’t that break your concentration?

You just have to get deep into the fantasy! It’s fun. But doesn’t really work for me if my partner is just plain bad at sex. Some things cannot be remedied.

+1

What do you do imagine? Like a crush or an actor? A romance novel character?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him take you from behind while you fantasize about the other men in your head. It's like using him as your masturbation toy. It's OK to disconnect like that during sex. He's probably doing the same thing.

What if he makes noise or something? Doesn’t that break your concentration?

You just have to get deep into the fantasy! It’s fun. But doesn’t really work for me if my partner is just plain bad at sex. Some things cannot be remedied.

+1

What do you do imagine? Like a crush or an actor? A romance novel character?

I get revved up thinking about other men and then during the act I imagine dirty stories I’ve read and I make up my own too 😂. They have to be different for some reason. DH’s presence is largely irrelevant but it’s still better than doing it alone.