What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hate to think my kids weren’t having sex in college. What a waste!

My kids are both in healthy monogamous relationships and I would be sad if they missed out on this very important part of life at an age when it is so vital and fun.

Exactly! OP do you want your kids to be miserable? Do you hate sex and find it a chore or for making babies only?

LOL. I would be whole-heartedly behind the American obsession with wanting their kids to have premarital sex, IF - it made Americans good at sex, it made Americans have healthy sexually active marriages (most don't have), if it would save their marriages and if they liked their spouse.

But with 50% divorce rates...what did all the premarital hooking up gain you?

The statistics that you’re quoting our children who were raised by moms who did not have premarital sex, did not have the right to own their own home or credit card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Motorcycles
Tattoos
Drinking and driving
Private plane trips (yes a few moco kids have died in private planes)
AP classes

Ummmm since when is drinking and driving an american thing? It’s definitely illegal here and it’s not like anyone is promoting this behavior.

Well, you can look up the statistics and it’s the United States that as at the top of the drinking and driving incidents in the world.

We give our kids unlimited Uber so that they never ever have to think about whether they can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Eat sausage, fries, bacon, and sugar-full pastries for breakfast.

[Anonymous]

Drinking beverages at meals apart from water, milk, and sometimes tea. I allow juice at parties or hanging out with friends, or during sick days. Soda very limited at 9 years old but I don’t even think he should be drinking any at this age.

[Anonymous]

When we first met, foreign-born spouse said our kids would never have peanut butter.

Wanna guess how that worked out? 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eat sausage, fries, bacon, and sugar-full pastries for breakfast.

So many countries eat sugar full pastries for breakfast. In fact, I’d say that’s actually way more common other places than here. Typically the stereotypical Americans you think you are talking about get donuts usually one weekend morning as a treat. Not a regular thing at all.

Also, I think you watch too many older American sitcoms-The sausage and bacon huge breakfasts are really a tv thing-not real.

[Anonymous]

This is so funny to me. My DS is grown, but he only ever set off fireworks with an Indian family for Diwali, and had sleepovers with a kid whose mom is Japanese. So I don’t inherently think of these things as just American.

He never had lunchables or soda at home, but I don’t think that’s unique either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

Distracted and terrible driving, poorly maintained car, negligence to check if kids were wearing seatbelts, allowing rudeness, inappropriate behavior and trash talking in the car - we saw this behavior when I was also in the car of one parent who gave us a lift one time. So, that was my one exposure and then DH and I decided that we would not let our kids do carpool with someone else. I am perfectly fine driving other people's kids around if I am asked. I will happily do the carpooling, wait for them for pickup and drop off, let them wait for their parents at my house, provide meals and free childcare etc at my house, host events at my own house...all of this so that I can let my kids have fun and have friends...but I do not trust others with my children.

You are raising your children to be paranoid freaks. I’m 1/2 “American” and in my other home country children are much more free to play, explore, become independent in a healthy way while still having the whimsy of childhood. Exactly my point. These things are common in other countries and are lacking here. . This is what I have tried to instill as well as less materialism, importance of family, learning for the love of it not just a career path, greater sense of community. These things that you have mentioned are not American values. We are also very strict about guns. I will ask other parents if they have guns and how they are stored, and we talked to our children about what to do if a friend ever decided to “show them daddy’s gun” Come on. Now who is the paranoid freak!! or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hate to think my kids weren’t having sex in college. What a waste!

My kids are both in healthy monogamous relationships and I would be sad if they missed out on this very important part of life at an age when it is so vital and fun.

Exactly! OP do you want your kids to be miserable? Do you hate sex and find it a chore or for making babies only?

LOL. I would be whole-heartedly behind the American obsession with wanting their kids to have premarital sex, IF - it made Americans good at sex, it made Americans have healthy sexually active marriages (most don't have), if it would save their marriages and if they liked their spouse.

But with 50% divorce rates...what did all the premarital hooking up gain you?

The statistics that you’re quoting our children who were raised by moms who did not have premarital sex, did not have the right to own their own home or credit card.

Huh?? Is English your first language? Try again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

The bolded makes you mentally unhealthy, OP.

It's not normal to be that way as a parent. I say this as an East Asian foreigner. If you come to the US, you need to accept that the culture will be different and that your children will feel deprived if you wall them up and forbid them from experiencing a little bit of THEIR country's conventions. It doesn't have to be a lot. But your children will definitely remember that their parent was not healthy about this.

If you weren't prepared to think about this from the perspective of your children, you should never have moved to the US, or you should never have had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hate to think my kids weren’t having sex in college. What a waste!

My kids are both in healthy monogamous relationships and I would be sad if they missed out on this very important part of life at an age when it is so vital and fun.

Exactly! OP do you want your kids to be miserable? Do you hate sex and find it a chore or for making babies only?

LOL. I would be whole-heartedly behind the American obsession with wanting their kids to have premarital sex, IF - it made Americans good at sex, it made Americans have healthy sexually active marriages (most don't have), if it would save their marriages and if they liked their spouse.

But with 50% divorce rates...what did all the premarital hooking up gain you?

If you come from a culture where you will never divorce once married, why not have fun while you’re not married?

Do you see your circular logic. LOL
If you can divorce once married, why do American have premarital sex? Or if you can have premarital as well as marital sex, why not then have sex with your spouse once you are married? Why the dead bedrooms? You all are obviously not enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

Distracted and terrible driving, poorly maintained car, negligence to check if kids were wearing seatbelts, allowing rudeness, inappropriate behavior and trash talking in the car - we saw this behavior when I was also in the car of one parent who gave us a lift one time. So, that was my one exposure and then DH and I decided that we would not let our kids do carpool with someone else. I am perfectly fine driving other people's kids around if I am asked. I will happily do the carpooling, wait for them for pickup and drop off, let them wait for their parents at my house, provide meals and free childcare etc at my house, host events at my own house...all of this so that I can let my kids have fun and have friends...but I do not trust others with my children.

You are raising your children to be paranoid freaks. I’m 1/2 “American” and in my other home country children are much more free to play, explore, become independent in a healthy way while still having the whimsy of childhood. Exactly my point. These things are common in other countries and are lacking here. . This is what I have tried to instill as well as less materialism, importance of family, learning for the love of it not just a career path, greater sense of community. These things that you have mentioned are not American values. We are also very strict about guns. I will ask other parents if they have guns and how they are stored, and we talked to our children about what to do if a friend ever decided to “show them daddy’s gun” Come on. Now who is the paranoid freak!! or something.

Your obsession with pretending that guns are not dangerous is the stereotypical cavalier American attitude towards guns. There is strong hunting culture and guns are permitted but heavily regulated in my other home country, as it is for most of Europe. Your other corrections are pedantic, I was obviously talking about what we don't accept for our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat sausage, fries, bacon, and sugar-full pastries for breakfast.

So many countries eat sugar full pastries for breakfast. In fact, I’d say that’s actually way more common other places than here. Typically the stereotypical Americans you think you are talking about get donuts usually one weekend morning as a treat. Not a regular thing at all.

Also, I think you watch too many older American sitcoms-The sausage and bacon huge breakfasts are really a tv thing-not real.

I'm in my 50s, and we only every had the sausage and egg breakfasts maybe once a week on a weekend day. Donuts and sugary pastries were the same, but even less frequent, usually only on holidays or some sort of weekend get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

The bolded makes you mentally unhealthy, OP.

It's not normal to be that way as a parent. I say this as an East Asian foreigner. If you come to the US, you need to accept that the culture will be different and that your children will feel deprived if you wall them up and forbid them from experiencing a little bit of THEIR country's conventions. It doesn't have to be a lot. But your children will definitely remember that their parent was not healthy about this.

If you weren't prepared to think about this from the perspective of your children, you should never have moved to the US, or you should never have had kids.

As another Asian I have to say that all cultures can self-reflect and improve. All cultures have some level of toxicity. Having said that, no one will say that America is a nation of family values, morality and harmonious community.

However, I do like the fact that it is relatively easy to start with nothing, make money within 1-2 decades and become wealthy in the USA. And the tax system favors the rich, so that is another benefit.

[Anonymous]

I would not want my kids to eat processed foods, so they have learned to eat healthy, be adventurous with other cuisines, as well as cook from scratch.