7th grade DD wants crop tops for school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You wear a crop top with high waisted pants and have barely any skin show. Or the same top with low rise pants/skirt and it looks trashy.

Mostly, it's the girls not knowing how to wear the fashion.

Overall though, if you don't let it in the house, less chance a crop will be worn. Not perfect. Generations have changed at school or removed something to look different at school, without parent knowledge.

This is true. But I think some of the 12 year olds want to show off especially to the boys.

My daughter still thinks boys are disgusting idiots as an 8th grader. But she loves to look like every other girl that is hearing Lulu, Alo, FP movement, hollister and aerie. While I know she and her friends “theoretically” like boys, they seem to be dressing for each other and not to get boys attention.

You are correct that some girls want to show off for boys. But I don’t think that is the case for any 12 year old girl in a crop top and 2.5 inch lulu shorts. And I say this as a woman who was boy crazy at age 12. My daughter and many of her friends don’t seem to have the same agenda about boys as myself and my friends in the 1980s when Daisy Dukes, a crop top and wearing a high pony with a swatch around it was all the rage.

OP here. I know exactly what you mean. It’s because she sees other girls wearing this. She is heavily influenced by peers. I wish we had uniforms.

I also have a 12 year old DD, and I say no to any clothing that is sexualized - while she is dressing to mimic other girls, I am not going to allow her to follow that trend when it’s really about specializing bodies (which they are too young to be doing).

We are looking for a private school with a uniform for high school - at my DD’s request. She finds all the judgment about clothes and style and brands exhausting and awful - and it’s from other girls. Her current school has a pretty loose dress code, but the pressure is still a lot to dress in the right clothes and fit in.

I know that’s how it’s been for a long time, but I don’t think parents just reinforcing this norm is good for our girls. Their clothes aren’t a form of self-expression, just another way for them to judge each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And adding to my post with practical advice, take her to Hollister to try on clothes. You can find some options there like I’m talking about. That is where we started at that age.

I brought my 5th grader there because she was about 5’5” at the time. This was two years ago and there were only crop tops. Luckily she had no interest in wearing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a teen and wanted clothes my mom disapproved of, she said if you want it earn the money and buy it because I’m not buying it for you. I feel like that was a good compromise.

"This is my budget for x number of shirts. You may supplement with as much of your money to get what you want... as long as you get that number of shirts and they meet the dress code. You can buy anything that doesn't meet dress code entirely from your own money, and they don't count toward the required number."

Except I don’t want her getting stuff that doesn’t meet dress code to begin with.

You do you. That's what I do. I'm not buying things that don't meet dress code, nor am I rescuing if they choose to wear something to school that they know is inappropriate... but I'd rather they learn reality now than wear something inappropriate to a job interview or out with potential in-laws later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You wear a crop top with high waisted pants and have barely any skin show. Or the same top with low rise pants/skirt and it looks trashy.

Mostly, it's the girls not knowing how to wear the fashion.

Overall though, if you don't let it in the house, less chance a crop will be worn. Not perfect. Generations have changed at school or removed something to look different at school, without parent knowledge.

This is true. But I think some of the 12 year olds want to show off especially to the boys.

My daughter still thinks boys are disgusting idiots as an 8th grader. But she loves to look like every other girl that is hearing Lulu, Alo, FP movement, hollister and aerie. While I know she and her friends “theoretically” like boys, they seem to be dressing for each other and not to get boys attention.

You are correct that some girls want to show off for boys. But I don’t think that is the case for any 12 year old girl in a crop top and 2.5 inch lulu shorts. And I say this as a woman who was boy crazy at age 12. My daughter and many of her friends don’t seem to have the same agenda about boys as myself and my friends in the 1980s when Daisy Dukes, a crop top and wearing a high pony with a swatch around it was all the rage.

Totally! Even my 14 year old is still dressing for her friends rather than boys. I was boy crazy starting at 10! It’s really different now.
My girls both wear crop tops- but neither is showing more than a cm of skin. I think people who are very upset over them must be thinking of the very short ones? Idk- the ones that basically touch the top of their pants seem fine to me

[Anonymous]

Tale as old as time. Father of 2 daughters. Women mostly dress for one another's approval, not males. There are certain signs where you should be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You wear a crop top with high waisted pants and have barely any skin show. Or the same top with low rise pants/skirt and it looks trashy.

Mostly, it's the girls not knowing how to wear the fashion.

Overall though, if you don't let it in the house, less chance a crop will be worn. Not perfect. Generations have changed at school or removed something to look different at school, without parent knowledge.

This is true. But I think some of the 12 year olds want to show off especially to the boys.

My daughter still thinks boys are disgusting idiots as an 8th grader. But she loves to look like every other girl that is hearing Lulu, Alo, FP movement, hollister and aerie. While I know she and her friends “theoretically” like boys, they seem to be dressing for each other and not to get boys attention.

You are correct that some girls want to show off for boys. But I don’t think that is the case for any 12 year old girl in a crop top and 2.5 inch lulu shorts. And I say this as a woman who was boy crazy at age 12. My daughter and many of her friends don’t seem to have the same agenda about boys as myself and my friends in the 1980s when Daisy Dukes, a crop top and wearing a high pony with a swatch around it was all the rage.

Totally! Even my 14 year old is still dressing for her friends rather than boys. I was boy crazy starting at 10! It’s really different now.
My girls both wear crop tops- but neither is showing more than a cm of skin. I think people who are very upset over them must be thinking of the very short ones? Idk- the ones that basically touch the top of their pants seem fine to me

An inch or so is no problem but with fashion changing the very low cut Jeans and shorts are coming back into the stores. Good taste will go right out the window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden out of nowhere my DD is begging for new shirts that she sees a lot of girls wearing in middle school. Fitted crop tops, off the shoulder tops…I’m not comfortable with it. I’ve talked to her about it and I get tears and pouting. Not sure how to handle. Any advice?

Which happens sometimes when you PARENT. You aren't comfortable, end of story. Christ, parents like you explain so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:doesn't the school have a dress code?

Yes. Our MCPS MS principal keeps sending out weekly emails to parents to remind them that there is a dress code and no midriff, or unbuttoned/unzipped pants etc. allowed.

[Anonymous]

This is tough. I don't know how to say this in an appropriate way, but I feel like a crop top on a 95lb 5'4'' middle school girl looks very different than it does on a 130lb 5'4'' middle school girl, which is fine but unfortunately presents some challenges with attention and perception that no 12 year old girl should have to contend with, either overtly or implied. I have sons but I was the 130lb version and dressing without guidance or restriction came along with some cynical and sad downsides for me, personally. I don't envy the situation from anyone's perspective, OP. But I do think you have a point about MS vs HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:doesn't the school have a dress code?

Yes. Our MCPS MS principal keeps sending out weekly emails to parents to remind them that there is a dress code and no midriff, or unbuttoned/unzipped pants etc. allowed.

But are they actually enforcing it? Seems like schools are too afraid to enforce dress codes, as are parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough. I don't know how to say this in an appropriate way, but I feel like a crop top on a 95lb 5'4'' middle school girl looks very different than it does on a 130lb 5'4'' middle school girl, which is fine but unfortunately presents some challenges with attention and perception that no 12 year old girl should have to contend with, either overtly or implied. I have sons but I was the 130lb version and dressing without guidance or restriction came along with some cynical and sad downsides for me, personally. I don't envy the situation from anyone's perspective, OP. But I do think you have a point about MS vs HS.

My mother put me in tshirts that swam on me to try to disguise 5'4" 135lb DDD in 8th. I promptly pulled it up, twisted, and tied to create my own crop top, making it worse than anything I would have bought for myself. Since my pants were also too big, they rode low and exposed way too much... but i had no guidance in appropriate clothes that fit.

This is precisely why I allow anything that fits dress code and require that any clothes they want that don't fit dress code must be purchased while with me (and have followed through and donated things that "appeared"). It gives me the opportunity to have the discussion in the moment about when/where those clothes can be worn, whether it's a reasonable cost for that type of clothing, and whether the kid really wants to spend that much money in that way. All the while I can reinforce why I don't pay for clothes who don't meet dress code.