Mom chose vacation over childcare with no notice - am I wrong to be upset?

[Anonymous]

I think OP is mining DCUM for story material. There are youtube content creators who present story after story about situations like this for mothers and MILs with ungrateful, entitled DDs or DILs. They are quite entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hope you're a troll because otherwise you'd be a terminally clueless and entitled piece of human garbage, OP.

Can't you see she burns out regularly and needs mental health breaks????

She can't tell you in advance, because you're her daughter and she doesn't have the communication tools to do so. But this is not her fault. You put her in this situation. If she was a salaried employee, she would follow company rules about advance notice when taking leave. Here she cannot.

TAKE THE HINT. This poor woman might never find the courage to have the hard conversation with you.

She’s very blunt so she’d tell me no, if she were burnt out. She’s young (50s), retired, and enjoys spending time with my kids, they call her mom and are close to her. I don’t think that’s the problem, it’s just that she doesn’t give proper notice, because I’m her daughter.

So find other childcare. Either this is a dealbreaker for you, or it isn't.

I’m planning to talk with her about what would work best. One option I’m considering is enrolling the two older kids in aftercare, so she would only need to focus on the younger two. I really don’t feel like I’m asking for too much. When I was growing up, my grandma cared for me and my five siblings, so I also feel like it’s reasonable for her to do the same, or to see if one of my siblings might be able to help out as well.

You were clearly one of the younger siblings growing up.

[Anonymous]

She’s at her wit’s end. She has probably hinted that it’s too much for her but you don’t listen so the only way for her to get her point across is to put you on the spot. You are taking advantage of her and she wants you to see that. Go and get a nanny is what you should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or pay someone! Don’t ask your siblings!

My youngest sibling is only 24, living alone, she could also help babysit, and I’d pay her. I could also start paying my mother. I just don’t want to put my kids in daycare, I’d rather be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or pay someone! Don’t ask your siblings!

My youngest sibling is only 24, living alone, she could also help babysit, and I’d pay her. I could also start paying my mother. I just don’t want to put my kids in daycare, I’d rather be a SAHM.

So do it. But stop abusing your poor mother. Your entitlement is off the charts. No one owes you years of their life raising the kids you chose to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen OP answer the "is she paid?" question.

I'll also say that if you were two working parents of four young children who used daycare, you would have many many days when one of you needed to take leave. Because kids in daycare get sick a lot, and they don't do it on a schedule.

My guess is that using your mom like this has meant that you haven't needed to do that nearly as much, both because your kids are probably sick less often because they aren't in group care, and because your mom probably has lower standards for when she requires them to stay home.

Given that, you can use some of the time you hopefully saved.

No, she isn’t paid directly for childcare. She doesn’t expect it. Out of love and kindness, we do give her gifts.

Mmmm Hmmm. Get different childcare. No way a grandparent watches 4 young kids during the week and weekends. You’re probably a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hope you're a troll because otherwise you'd be a terminally clueless and entitled piece of human garbage, OP.

Can't you see she burns out regularly and needs mental health breaks????

She can't tell you in advance, because you're her daughter and she doesn't have the communication tools to do so. But this is not her fault. You put her in this situation. If she was a salaried employee, she would follow company rules about advance notice when taking leave. Here she cannot.

TAKE THE HINT. This poor woman might never find the courage to have the hard conversation with you.

She’s very blunt so she’d tell me no, if she were burnt out. She’s young (50s), retired, and enjoys spending time with my kids, they call her mom and are close to her. I don’t think that’s the problem, it’s just that she doesn’t give proper notice, because I’m her daughter.

They call her mom and call you troll.

[Anonymous]

Why did you have 4 kids you can't take care of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or pay someone! Don’t ask your siblings!

My youngest sibling is only 24, living alone, she could also help babysit, and I’d pay her. I could also start paying my mother. I just don’t want to put my kids in daycare, I’d rather be a SAHM.

What kind of birth control are you using now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hope you're a troll because otherwise you'd be a terminally clueless and entitled piece of human garbage, OP.

Can't you see she burns out regularly and needs mental health breaks????

She can't tell you in advance, because you're her daughter and she doesn't have the communication tools to do so. But this is not her fault. You put her in this situation. If she was a salaried employee, she would follow company rules about advance notice when taking leave. Here she cannot.

TAKE THE HINT. This poor woman might never find the courage to have the hard conversation with you.

She’s very blunt so she’d tell me no, if she were burnt out. She’s young (50s), retired, and enjoys spending time with my kids, they call her mom and are close to her. I don’t think that’s the problem, it’s just that she doesn’t give proper notice, because I’m her daughter.

So find other childcare. Either this is a dealbreaker for you, or it isn't.

I’m planning to talk with her about what would work best. One option I’m considering is enrolling the two older kids in aftercare, so she would only need to focus on the younger two. I really don’t feel like I’m asking for too much. When I was growing up, my grandma cared for me and my five siblings, so I also feel like it’s reasonable for her to do the same, or to see if one of my siblings might be able to help out as well.

You need to PAY for childcare you mooch.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really hope you're a troll because otherwise you'd be a terminally clueless and entitled piece of human garbage, OP.

Can't you see she burns out regularly and needs mental health breaks????

She can't tell you in advance, because you're her daughter and she doesn't have the communication tools to do so. But this is not her fault. You put her in this situation. If she was a salaried employee, she would follow company rules about advance notice when taking leave. Here she cannot.

TAKE THE HINT. This poor woman might never find the courage to have the hard conversation with you.

She’s very blunt so she’d tell me no, if she were burnt out. She’s young (50s), retired, and enjoys spending time with my kids, they call her mom and are close to her. I don’t think that’s the problem, it’s just that she doesn’t give proper notice, because I’m her daughter.

So find other childcare. Either this is a dealbreaker for you, or it isn't.

I’m planning to talk with her about what would work best. One option I’m considering is enrolling the two older kids in aftercare, so she would only need to focus on the younger two. I really don’t feel like I’m asking for too much. When I was growing up, my grandma cared for me and my five siblings, so I also feel like it’s reasonable for her to do the same, or to see if one of my siblings might be able to help out as well.

NO. What previous generations did should not obligate new ones into indentured servitude. That's how women get trapped in helpmeet roles.

Shame on you. Stop expecting your relatives to help you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen OP answer the "is she paid?" question.

I'll also say that if you were two working parents of four young children who used daycare, you would have many many days when one of you needed to take leave. Because kids in daycare get sick a lot, and they don't do it on a schedule.

My guess is that using your mom like this has meant that you haven't needed to do that nearly as much, both because your kids are probably sick less often because they aren't in group care, and because your mom probably has lower standards for when she requires them to stay home.

Given that, you can use some of the time you hopefully saved.

No, she isn’t paid directly for childcare. She doesn’t expect it. Out of love and kindness, we do give her gifts.

Wow, she's been taken advantage of. She is entitled to a vacation and also to having her own life and payment for her work.

Put your kids in standard daycare if you want reliability.

[Anonymous]

I would be embarrassed to have 4 kids and call my mom their primary caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really hope you're a troll because otherwise you'd be a terminally clueless and entitled piece of human garbage, OP.

Can't you see she burns out regularly and needs mental health breaks????

She can't tell you in advance, because you're her daughter and she doesn't have the communication tools to do so. But this is not her fault. You put her in this situation. If she was a salaried employee, she would follow company rules about advance notice when taking leave. Here she cannot.

TAKE THE HINT. This poor woman might never find the courage to have the hard conversation with you.

Human garbage?

Those are really biting words. Yes the OP sounds entitled and there’s nothing wrong that. You can find better ways of stating while maintaining dignity.