Not hearing from a physically independent parent for 2 days is a blessing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about people who can relate respond to the OP? The ones whose parents died when they were a teen or who had different relationships cannot relate. I guess it's great if you miss texting your mom... but there are many of us who do not. It's become a burden, because the elder is immature and needy. Often has always been. Imagining parenting your parent type of relationship. Give the OP some grace.

Please stop with your burden nonsense. He’s looking for a few texts. When he goes I hope it’s fast because his daughter is clearly not equipped to be supportive through a major decline or long illness.

As I said, you don't get it. These people have been a burden THEIR WHOLE LIVES. They're immature and emotionally needy. Of course you'd wonder and I have too why someone chose a spouse like this and decided to have kids with them... but as adult children, we'll never know. Maybe they were easy to order around, maybe they did as they were told... except actually taking on any responsibilities. They were another child, except that they never grew up. Mine is a perpetual damsel in distress. It must be attractive to the opposite sex when a woman is young... but believe me, pushing 80 and for an adult child, it's as off-putting as it gets. In my FOO I was the next in charge after my functional parent since I was an elementary schooler. Not that my dad wasn't fed up. He was as well. After decades, it grinds you down. Similarly to the OP I have supported my mom for 5 years after... and similarly, I'm tapped out. They suck the life out of you.

Her dad wants about 5 minutes of contact, that doesn’t sound like your situation. I’ve cared for a lot of elders and OP’s dad’s needs are so minor. She’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will miss him terribly when he is gone, and you will regret this post.

new person here: it's possible to miss someone conceptually, and still not be interested in the load of responding (frequently expected immediately!) to random texting or calling or video calling from someone who isn't actually interested in a dialog, but just interested in stealing bits of attention whenever they want.

my parents are both dead. bless their hearts but they'd call multiple times in a row if i didn't pick up to tell me whatever thing they just saw on tv and then somehow "forget" to tell me if they went to the hospital or got into a car accident. there was no possibility of a meaningful conversation with them, even before the years of dementia happened.

do i feel sad and miss never having a parent that could be called my best friend or i could even have a serious conversation with? absolutely. do i feel sad that i am no longer getting calls about something they saw on fox news? absolutely not. did i hesitate to spend a lot of time with them at their actual end of life? not for a second. Like nearly all familial relationships, it's complicated.

for those who lost their best friends, i am so sorry. it's heartbreaking. but that is not my loss. and i don't think it will be OPs loss.

[Anonymous]

Better to know he is fine than to wonder, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better to know he is fine than to wonder, IMO.

she said he's in assisted living. there are a whole bunch of adults checking on him and who will reach out if he falls or gets sick or has a real issue.

[Anonymous]

I am someone who sort of dreads texts generally because they usually come during work and it stresses me out responding, forgetting to respond...

I find that using Facebook messenger (I don't actually use Facebook at all or have it, just messenger) for communication with my parents feels a lot more relaxed: I will sometimes just send them a random pic of the garden or a pet or forward something dcs sent, just ask casually how they are, what they are up to... I do that many days throughout the week and it feels more relaxed and on my terms when it comes to response time as well.

Anyway, just to say maybe you need to rethink communication so it works for you as well and is more on your terms. I find my initiating it frequently helps a lot. As for calls, we have a set time, Sunday 10 am for a long conversation.