Not hearing from a physically independent parent for 2 days is a blessing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could text my mom it was hard not to after she died when I had a little funny story to tell her about the kids etc I’m now learning to text my dad with those types of things. I’m sure he is very lonely without your mom.

+1

My mom died when I was a teen. My dad remarried and started a new family and moved on completely. So I have no parents texting me. I wish I had OP's problem.

[Anonymous]

Some of you people are just terrible daughters. Simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad is spry for his age but very infantile and dependent emotionally. Told him it was a super busy week for me, he was still texting me with mundane stuff which of course I had to tolerate but haven’t heard from him for 2 days and suddenly realized what a blessing it was to not have to think about him for a little while!
I am sure he is fine, just wanted to share and maybe someone can relate. He has been a widower for 4 years now and it’s frankly become a bit much re: his presence even though he is a good man!

Did you have a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same person who is literally cleaning her father's home and cooking his meals?

He has a cleaning lady and he makes simple meals himself (so idk what you’re referring to) but he wants to text every day.
This is progress after he was calling everyday (on FaceTime, with camera on).
I can’t say “dad please just don’t text”.
He doesn’t need anything physically.
I just am amazed by how annoyed I was by his constant presence so to speak.
The poster who talks about encouraging him to do things, he does them but still keeps texting and texting with mundane stuff. Like maybe 2-3x a day.

That sounds harmless and your irritation is over the top.

He used to listen to you prattle on about mundane shit, remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will miss him terribly when he is gone, and you will regret this post.

This sucks as a reply. OP is allowed their feelings.

DP

OP’s feelings aren’t valid, and the reply was spot on.

[Anonymous]

Geez, he’s probably very lonely. OP can feel what she feels, and it doesn’t sound like she’s unkind to her dad, but the situation is very sad nonetheless. Texting 2-3x a day doesn’t seem like a burden, especially since OP describes him as unproblematic in general. I can’t personally relate because I do not find that level of contact with my elderly parents irritating.

[Anonymous]

I’m sad that OP has this kind of relationship with her dad. He’s likely very lonely and after losing his wife OP is his closest remaining family and texting or calling is literally a few minutes. No one is truly that busy that they don’t have a few minutes for their elderly parent.

[Anonymous]

How about people who can relate respond to the OP? The ones whose parents died when they were a teen or who had different relationships cannot relate. I guess it's great if you miss texting your mom... but there are many of us who do not. It's become a burden, because the elder is immature and needy. Often has always been. Imagining parenting your parent type of relationship. Give the OP some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about people who can relate respond to the OP? The ones whose parents died when they were a teen or who had different relationships cannot relate. I guess it's great if you miss texting your mom... but there are many of us who do not. It's become a burden, because the elder is immature and needy. Often has always been. Imagining parenting your parent type of relationship. Give the OP some grace.

Yes, a lot of truth to that
-OP

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think he was lowkey abused by my mother so I am not sure how much he misses her. I asked him once and he said he was “trying hard not to think about her” whatever that meant.
At the same time he wasn’t a good husband to her because of his immaturity.
So it’s all complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about people who can relate respond to the OP? The ones whose parents died when they were a teen or who had different relationships cannot relate. I guess it's great if you miss texting your mom... but there are many of us who do not. It's become a burden, because the elder is immature and needy. Often has always been. Imagining parenting your parent type of relationship. Give the OP some grace.

Please stop with your burden nonsense. He’s looking for a few texts. When he goes I hope it’s fast because his daughter is clearly not equipped to be supportive through a major decline or long illness.

[Anonymous]

My dad lives alone at 92 after my mom died last spring. I worry about him being lonely and check in with him on the phone daily in between visits. Isolation is hard on elderly people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad lives alone at 92 after my mom died last spring. I worry about him being lonely and check in with him on the phone daily in between visits. Isolation is hard on elderly people

I’ve been speaking to him daily for a couple years after my mother died, now it’s getting too much. I felt like he needed the support but now he seems to have settled into his new routines so how long do I need to keep supporting him emotionally? I am tapped out
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about people who can relate respond to the OP? The ones whose parents died when they were a teen or who had different relationships cannot relate. I guess it's great if you miss texting your mom... but there are many of us who do not. It's become a burden, because the elder is immature and needy. Often has always been. Imagining parenting your parent type of relationship. Give the OP some grace.

Please stop with your burden nonsense. He’s looking for a few texts. When he goes I hope it’s fast because his daughter is clearly not equipped to be supportive through a major decline or long illness.

As I said, you don't get it. These people have been a burden THEIR WHOLE LIVES. They're immature and emotionally needy. Of course you'd wonder and I have too why someone chose a spouse like this and decided to have kids with them... but as adult children, we'll never know. Maybe they were easy to order around, maybe they did as they were told... except actually taking on any responsibilities. They were another child, except that they never grew up. Mine is a perpetual damsel in distress. It must be attractive to the opposite sex when a woman is young... but believe me, pushing 80 and for an adult child, it's as off-putting as it gets. In my FOO I was the next in charge after my functional parent since I was an elementary schooler. Not that my dad wasn't fed up. He was as well. After decades, it grinds you down. Similarly to the OP I have supported my mom for 5 years after... and similarly, I'm tapped out. They suck the life out of you.

[Anonymous]

Also will add as you will for sure say "But she's your mother!" Well, she couldn't raise children as the attention was taken from her. My maternal grandma was "helping out" with my brother and once I was born, my paternal grandma moved in permanently. I'm sure in the OPs case the mom did all childrearing.