Ex-husband dating again and bringing women around kids

[Anonymous]

You divorced him but you expect him to continue following your rules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how there can be so many shitty divorce attorneys running around and making a living. Every divorce agreement should include some language on guidelines that both parents agree to wrt exposing children to new partners. It is especially important for the divorcing couple to discuss this openly so that someone can explain to them that there is a real potential for children to be harmed by mishandling this. It's actually the fathers who need to be extra vigilant about ensuring that the exW does not allow men around children without a thorough vetting over several months because of the risk of sexual abuse. Statistically, it is much more likely that a strange man will abuse children than a woman would. I know so many people whose mother's boyfriends abused them or endangered them in other ways.

The lawyers aren’t shitty. They just know it’s not enforceable and don’t want their clients to be mad when there’s notbuju they can do

[Anonymous]

It’s amazing how delusional so many ex-wives are when it comes to divorce. They keep trying to control their ex-husband’s even though they’re no longer married.

Wake up, op. You’re divorced. On his custody time, your husband can do pretty much whatever he wants with the kids unless it’s blatantly abusive and even then that’s hard to prove. let go. You can’t control him anymore.

[Anonymous]

You got divorced. He is now single. This is what happens. Maybe you would do it differently. But you don't get to control him. Also, know when you are complaining to anyone but your absolute best friend about this, you are the one who ends up looking bad - whiny and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess. You divorced him and thought he would just sit home and learn his lesson?

[Anonymous]

"The lawyers aren’t shitty. They just know it’s not enforceable and don’t want their clients to be mad when there’s notbuju they can do"

You really need to raise your expectations and standards, especially when you're paying someone good money to represent your interests. And BTW- In just the past two years I've seen three PSAs in Virginia with straight up unenforceable language (based on it being contrary to public policy and in one case it was a direct violation of VA law) so the problem isn't that clients might get mad about anything. It's that some lawyers aren't doing the bare minimum when it comes to drafting agreements and advising their clients.

A provision in the parenting agreement about how you BOTH agree to approach new relationships can go a long way toward establishing norms and boundaries that you'll follow while you're divorced but still coparenting. It's less about enforceability after the fact, and more about heading off bad behavior by giving the parents the chance during the negotiations to jointly ponder what is best for their children and to discuss what they want that to look like, and then memorializing that in the document. My ex and I have a similar provision in our agreement and I feel like it worked out well. We also did things like look ahead at what would happen if we remarried and how that would impact on our kids, especially with respect to inheritance and college costs. Sure, that's all just contract language and one of us could choose to not comply. I'm remarried, and I could just give my entire estate to my new husband and disinherit my kids. But because I've taken the time to consider this and then signed a legal document indicating that I don't want that outcome, I'm much less likely to try and do so. Moreover, I was able to point to that language in my divorce agreement when I explained to my new DH that my kids will remain the beneficiaries of some of my pre-marital assets. He was fine with that. But if he'd pushed back, it would have been helpful.

[Anonymous]

It sucks and it’s absolutely normal for men. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The lawyers aren’t shitty. They just know it’s not enforceable and don’t want their clients to be mad when there’s notbuju they can do"

You really need to raise your expectations and standards, especially when you're paying someone good money to represent your interests. And BTW- In just the past two years I've seen three PSAs in Virginia with straight up unenforceable language (based on it being contrary to public policy and in one case it was a direct violation of VA law) so the problem isn't that clients might get mad about anything. It's that some lawyers aren't doing the bare minimum when it comes to drafting agreements and advising their clients.

A provision in the parenting agreement about how you BOTH agree to approach new relationships can go a long way toward establishing norms and boundaries that you'll follow while you're divorced but still coparenting. It's less about enforceability after the fact, and more about heading off bad behavior by giving the parents the chance during the negotiations to jointly ponder what is best for their children and to discuss what they want that to look like, and then memorializing that in the document. My ex and I have a similar provision in our agreement and I feel like it worked out well. We also did things like look ahead at what would happen if we remarried and how that would impact on our kids, especially with respect to inheritance and college costs. Sure, that's all just contract language and one of us could choose to not comply. I'm remarried, and I could just give my entire estate to my new husband and disinherit my kids. But because I've taken the time to consider this and then signed a legal document indicating that I don't want that outcome, I'm much less likely to try and do so. Moreover, I was able to point to that language in my divorce agreement when I explained to my new DH that my kids will remain the beneficiaries of some of my pre-marital assets. He was fine with that. But if he'd pushed back, it would have been helpful.

No judge is going to deny custody to a parent who doesn't agree to these unenforceable terms. Sure it's nice if both parties can agree to the terms and abide by them, but that is not the case in vast majority of the cases. Why are you lecturing OP on something that's never going to happen?

OP, he is allowed to date. You divorced him and have no say in what he does with his time anymore.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. Are you my mother?
You’ve bad mouthed my step mom for well over twenty years now.. All while happily re married.

You’ve managed to cause so much friction for no reason at all.

[Anonymous]

You can’t control him anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how there can be so many shitty divorce attorneys running around and making a living. Every divorce agreement should include some language on guidelines that both parents agree to wrt exposing children to new partners. It is especially important for the divorcing couple to discuss this openly so that someone can explain to them that there is a real potential for children to be harmed by mishandling this. It's actually the fathers who need to be extra vigilant about ensuring that the exW does not allow men around children without a thorough vetting over several months because of the risk of sexual abuse. Statistically, it is much more likely that a strange man will abuse children than a woman would. I know so many people whose mother's boyfriends abused them or endangered them in other ways.

Actually, the shitty lawyers are the ones that agree to write these unenforceable clauses because it generates billable hours.

You cannot control who your ex brings around the children during his or her custody time. That’s just reality. Don’t like that? Don’t divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks and it’s absolutely normal for men. Ridiculous.

It’s normal for women, too. A lot of them whore around and are too fast to introduce their kids to their “new daddy.” It’s extremely common.

[Anonymous]

How long ago did you separate?

Divorces can be finalized years after a marriage ends.

Both men and women date both before and after their divorces are finalized and depending on when that takes place many will introduce new partner to their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

You’re not married to him, you don’t pay his bills, you have no say…

You’re right that she’s not married to him anymore but as a woman who had to pay alimony, you have no idea whether or not OP is paying his bills. I agree that she has no say but check your bias before you speak.

[Anonymous]

If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon