Ex-husband dating again and bringing women around kids

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. No matter the reason for divorce, a reasonable adult would not introduce partners to kids until the partnership is serious.

The best thing I did was get my kids their own therapist. I tried to remain positive about my exDH's relationships and ultimately his new wife. I encouraged my kids to give the wife a chance.

Unfortunately, my husband chose to drop visitation time with our kids and never took any custody or found a living space for them after we split up. My kids were sad about it when they were younger, but having their own therapist gave them a space where they could talk about it without fear of hurting me or getting me involved. The therapist was far more skilled than I in helping them learn to set boundaries with their Dad.

Both kids have a relationship with him, but, sadly, they don't think a lot of him and even less of his wife. The kids recognize that they are both very selfish and self-absorbed.

Good news is that the kids had a stable home with me and good relationships with other family members on both his and my side, so they didn't implode because of the lack of paternal attention.

In retrospect, it would have been healthier for all of us (kids, Dad and me), if I had moved to parallel parenting and grey rocking him immediately after the divorce. While I ultimately did so, the kids and I wasted years doing the "pick me" dance for his fathering attention. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. So, instead, let him be the person he wants to be and focus on teaching your kids to be the kind of people you want them to be, building happy memories with them, and working on your personal and career growth and independent happiness.

My kids turned out to be wonderful kids (despite some typical rough patches in adolescence).

You can create your own wonderful life if you stop looking backward or focusing on him. Let him do what he wants to do and let him be responsible for his relationship with his kids (for better or worse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon

No, it's not enforceable at all. This is pure fantasy you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. No matter the reason for divorce, a reasonable adult would not introduce partners to kids until the partnership is serious.

The best thing I did was get my kids their own therapist. I tried to remain positive about my exDH's relationships and ultimately his new wife. I encouraged my kids to give the wife a chance.

Unfortunately, my husband chose to drop visitation time with our kids and never took any custody or found a living space for them after we split up. My kids were sad about it when they were younger, but having their own therapist gave them a space where they could talk about it without fear of hurting me or getting me involved. The therapist was far more skilled than I in helping them learn to set boundaries with their Dad.

Both kids have a relationship with him, but, sadly, they don't think a lot of him and even less of his wife. The kids recognize that they are both very selfish and self-absorbed.

Good news is that the kids had a stable home with me and good relationships with other family members on both his and my side, so they didn't implode because of the lack of paternal attention.

In retrospect, it would have been healthier for all of us (kids, Dad and me), if I had moved to parallel parenting and grey rocking him immediately after the divorce. While I ultimately did so, the kids and I wasted years doing the "pick me" dance for his fathering attention. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. So, instead, let him be the person he wants to be and focus on teaching your kids to be the kind of people you want them to be, building happy memories with them, and working on your personal and career growth and independent happiness.

My kids turned out to be wonderful kids (despite some typical rough patches in adolescence).

You can create your own wonderful life if you stop looking backward or focusing on him. Let him do what he wants to do and let him be responsible for his relationship with his kids (for better or worse).

This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I really needed to hear this. This is OP. Many thanks for the positive, constructive outlook.

[Anonymous]

It's none of your business. Your ex is entitled to introduce his kids to any of his friends. You are just seething that he replaced you so quickly.