Ex-husband dating again and bringing women around kids

[Anonymous]

Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

There is zero you can do.

[Anonymous]

Aw, I'm sorry. That sucks. Too bad he's a d!ck, but you are a winner for being free of him!!!

[Anonymous]

You can’t control his behavior any more. How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Did you guys not discuss this? Our parenting agreement says we wont introduce kids to significant others until at least 6 months of dating exclusively and we each have the option to meet the others S/O before the kids do.

Im sorry that sounds really stressful

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry - it sucks. I think this is the hardest part about divorce is not being in control of the things our ex husbands do when our kids are around and letting go of that control. My divorce agreement only stated I had to be told before the kids met a new significant other of my ex (and vice versa), but no other stipulations. Hang in there. I'm sorry it feels icky, but unfortunately there's nothing you can do. But your feelings are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you guys not discuss this? Our parenting agreement says we wont introduce kids to significant others until at least 6 months of dating exclusively and we each have the option to meet the others S/O before the kids do.

Im sorry that sounds really stressful

You do know that isn’t an enforceable provision, right?

[Anonymous]

There is nothing you can do. You need to work a lot harder at disengaging and not feeling personally hurt by whatever he does.

The loss of control is what you have to accept in divorce. Fighting for control will fail and will harm your kids. I know because my mom tried.

[Anonymous]

XH introduced our kids a few days after the settlement agreement was finalized. We weren't even divorced yet. Not a good look.

Even if it is addressed in a parenting agreement, there is really no way to enforce any of it – you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

There's nothing you really can do, but if the kids are young, I think you can ask outright if this person is a long-term significant other who will be spending time around your children.

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Do you try to the control the behavior of other adults you are not married to?

He is the father of your children. You have no other relationship to him, as a matter of law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:XH introduced our kids a few days after the settlement agreement was finalized. We weren't even divorced yet. Not a good look.

Even if it is addressed in a parenting agreement, there is really no way to enforce any of it – you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

There's nothing you really can do, but if the kids are young, I think you can ask outright if this person is a long-term significant other who will be spending time around your children.

I'm sorry.

yawn

[Anonymous]

There is nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Do you try to the control the behavior of other adults you are not married to?

He is the father of your children. You have no other relationship to him, as a matter of law.

As a matter of the spirit, OP can absolutely say she doesn’t think it’s wise or appropriate to bring strange women around their children, especially at such a vulnerable time.

Now, DH might not do anything with that information, but it’s worth speaking up at least. She may not have control in this situation, but right is right and wrong is wrong. Speak your peace and then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Why do you assume he isn't already familiar with these women?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, but it is ideal to wait more than a few months or until a relationship is committed for a partner to meet kids. My dad always had new girlfriends around and most of them were nice and good people, have a lot of great memories, one taught me a special dish when I was 13, others babysat, one helped me learn how to drive etc, so it wasn’t all bad, but some stability is important, especially since you said it’s only been a month. Yikes!