Ex-husband dating again and bringing women around kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Why do you assume he isn't already familiar with these women?

They’re strange to the children DUH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Why do you assume he isn't already familiar with these women?

They’re strange to the children DUH

Everyone is a stranger until you are introduced.

A parent is capable of deciding whether or not another adult can be introduced to their child.

[Anonymous]

I would think the kids already know her and you were kept in the dark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Why do you assume he isn't already familiar with these women?

They’re strange to the children DUH

Everyone is a stranger until you are introduced.

A parent is capable of deciding whether or not another adult can be introduced to their child.

So what? And another parent is capable of finding it, in good faith, inappropriate for their children to have this sprung on them one month after the divorce. We have freedom of speech and belief in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think the kids already know her and you were kept in the dark.

Possible. Not clear from the post: "I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time."

You have to assume this means 'women they've never met nor heard about' and that the boys are providing reliable comprehensive information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry - it sucks. I think this is the hardest part about divorce is not being in control of the things our ex husbands do when our kids are around and letting go of that control. My divorce agreement only stated I had to be told before the kids met a new significant other of my ex (and vice versa), but no other stipulations. Hang in there. I'm sorry it feels icky, but unfortunately there's nothing you can do. But your feelings are valid.

You mean our ex-spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Why do you assume he isn't already familiar with these women?

They’re strange to the children DUH

Everyone is a stranger until you are introduced.

A parent is capable of deciding whether or not another adult can be introduced to their child.

So what? And another parent is capable of finding it, in good faith, inappropriate for their children to have this sprung on them one month after the divorce. We have freedom of speech and belief in this country.

We have reason to question this. OP gives herself away with this admission

"I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships"

That is not her business anymore. It's now a reason to suspect she isn't acting in good faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Why do you assume he isn't already familiar with these women?

They’re strange to the children DUH

Everyone is a stranger until you are introduced.

A parent is capable of deciding whether or not another adult can be introduced to their child.

So what? And another parent is capable of finding it, in good faith, inappropriate for their children to have this sprung on them one month after the divorce. We have freedom of speech and belief in this country.

We have reason to question this. OP gives herself away with this admission

"I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships"

That is not her business anymore. It's now a reason to suspect she isn't acting in good faith.

She’s human, but taking her feelings out of it, you can still have objectively good faith reasons for not bringing women whose level of commitment are unknown (really, the level of commitment of the exDH to them!) in and out of children’s lives.

Again, DH doesn’t have to agree, but it can be and often is imprudent in practice to involve young children in this stuff.

[Anonymous]

I do not know if you are on good terms w/your ex-husband or not but if you are you can always discuss your concern w/him directly.

I think though that fundamentally since it is HIS parenting time he can bring whomever he desires around his kids.

I think it is a bad idea to do so if he isn’t serious about the person but I don’t know if you have a say or not.

Sorry, I sincerely empathize w/you on this. ❤️‍🩹

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think the kids already know her and you were kept in the dark.

Definitely a possibility. My cousin’s ex had been taking their little kids to Saturday brunches with his AP. My cousin thought the ex was being considerate when he insisted that she take that time for herself.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand how there can be so many shitty divorce attorneys running around and making a living. Every divorce agreement should include some language on guidelines that both parents agree to wrt exposing children to new partners. It is especially important for the divorcing couple to discuss this openly so that someone can explain to them that there is a real potential for children to be harmed by mishandling this. It's actually the fathers who need to be extra vigilant about ensuring that the exW does not allow men around children without a thorough vetting over several months because of the risk of sexual abuse. Statistically, it is much more likely that a strange man will abuse children than a woman would. I know so many people whose mother's boyfriends abused them or endangered them in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Why do you assume he isn't already familiar with these women?

They’re strange to the children DUH

Everyone is a stranger until you are introduced.

A parent is capable of deciding whether or not another adult can be introduced to their child.

So what? And another parent is capable of finding it, in good faith, inappropriate for their children to have this sprung on them one month after the divorce. We have freedom of speech and belief in this country.

We have reason to question this. OP gives herself away with this admission

"I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships"

That is not her business anymore. It's now a reason to suspect she isn't acting in good faith.

She’s human, but taking her feelings out of it, you can still have objectively good faith reasons for not bringing women whose level of commitment are unknown (really, the level of commitment of the exDH to them!) in and out of children’s lives.

Again, DH doesn’t have to agree, but it can be and often is imprudent in practice to involve young children in this stuff.

That's not how good faith works. You don't get to exclude behavior and statements that challenge the credibility of your intentions.

But yes I agree a concern for the parent's capability to introduce adults to children is valid. That said, I'm not advising OP with the automatic assumption that DH is not this capable person.

[Anonymous]

Are you dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you dating?

yes, i have been on a date but I would never bring someone I hardly know around my kids. I only date in my non-kid days and would never introduce someone to my kids until at least a year of being serious with them. I have no issue with him dating in his private time, just not bringing women around the kids who are just 7 and 4.

[Anonymous]

op, you are acting a bit controlling and jealous. You have no right to ask him what he does in his personal life as long as he is not hurting kids.