Reasonable to Ask 19YO to Cover Childcare for 5 Days?

[Anonymous]

Uber eats carryout every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: We originally planned this assuming my MIL would stay with the kids, since our nanny is unavailable that week. We asked too late, and she already had plans with other family. She kindly offered to rearrange and babysit, but we said no — we didn’t want her to miss time with her other grandchildren.

This is a short, adults-only trip to the Maldives — not a family trip. Our daughter’s break is longer than a week, and she already has a trip with friends planned, so this wouldn’t be her entire break.

We already plan for the younger kids (ages 4–9) to be in full-day camps, and there will be playdates. Responsibilities will be divided among the teens, who genuinely look up to their older sister and are responsible and trustworthy. She will be paid $4k-6k?, not 100% sure yet, for the five days , and we prefer not to hire another babysitter, as we don’t trust anyone else as much as our nanny.

MIL isn’t available and my parents are traveling. This arrangement only happens with her full agreement. Backup adults are available nearby (SILs, siblings) if needed.

We understand this wouldn’t work for every family, but we’re trying to plan it thoughtfully and respectfully, so thanks for the tips on making sure this goes smoothly.

You have to be a troll. Even my selfish parents wouldn’t have expected our grandparent to take care of all of us for five days. You need to arrange, at a minimum, a second adult to be there for camp pickups, dinner and bedtime.

[Anonymous]

If something goes wrong this could quickly be a CPS issue OP. Say 9 year old has to go to the ER for stiches and now you have a 15 year old caring for 4 kids overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uber eats carryout every day

I am the parent above with six kids. For me, I think the hardest part of feeding everyone is keeping track of everybody's needs and preferences and appetites. If I was leaving my younger kids with my 8th grader, I'd do all the dinner planning in advance and then have the food scheduled and ready to go, or I'd have very easy things to make and very specific instructions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If something goes wrong this could quickly be a CPS issue OP. Say 9 year old has to go to the ER for stiches and now you have a 15 year old caring for 4 kids overnight.

OP says there are adults nearby who could come in an emergency. There are also plenty of situations where one adult is home with multiple children. Single parents. People whose spouses are deployed, or on work trips. When something comes up, they problem solve. A 15 year old can stay with younger siblings long enough for an aunt or uncle to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If something goes wrong this could quickly be a CPS issue OP. Say 9 year old has to go to the ER for stiches and now you have a 15 year old caring for 4 kids overnight.

OP says there are adults nearby who could come in an emergency. There are also plenty of situations where one adult is home with multiple children. Single parents. People whose spouses are deployed, or on work trips. When something comes up, they problem solve. A 15 year old can stay with younger siblings long enough for an aunt or uncle to get there.

Too many things could fall through. It’s just a really dumb plan. OP needs to actually pay for professional childcare.

[Anonymous]

Daughters taking care of siblings is ok. But do you trust you son, Mrs Duggar?

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure why everyone is shocked by OP’s poor planning.. they have 8 kids. That should’ve made planning is not a strength.

To answer OP’s question: I’m sure your 19 yr old is more than capable of doing this for a week because she’s likely been a caregiver to her siblings for a long time (even if you don’t want to admit it). Is this a fair or reasonable thing to ask ? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol are you insane?

How did you buy non-refundable international tickets for a week that neither your nanny or your MIL is available?

Because it’s a troll post. The mom of 7, jetting off to the Maldives for a 7 day trip didn’t clue you in? The Maldives are far, and if this mom can 7 can afford it, she can afford back up care for the regular nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uber eats carryout every day

I am the parent above with six kids. For me, I think the hardest part of feeding everyone is keeping track of everybody's needs and preferences and appetites. If I was leaving my younger kids with my 8th grader, I'd do all the dinner planning in advance and then have the food scheduled and ready to go, or I'd have very easy things to make and very specific instructions.

Are you saying you leave your 8th grader home alone with 5 younger kids? It's hard to believe, but I don't have experience with big families. I don't know many 8th graders who could handle 5 younger kids for more than a coup hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uber eats carryout every day

I am the parent above with six kids. For me, I think the hardest part of feeding everyone is keeping track of everybody's needs and preferences and appetites. If I was leaving my younger kids with my 8th grader, I'd do all the dinner planning in advance and then have the food scheduled and ready to go, or I'd have very easy things to make and very specific instructions.

Are you saying you leave your 8th grader home alone with 5 younger kids? It's hard to believe, but I don't have experience with big families. I don't know many 8th graders who could handle 5 younger kids for more than a coup hours.

Older girl in a large family here. I was definitely expected to pitch in with caring for a younger sibling but never all of them, and certainly never alone with no other adult for an extended time period. The one time I did watch the teens when I was in my 20s when my parents were on a trip (I think they took the youngest one with them, who would have been about 13) they were totally out of control and I’m lucky I didn’t end up criminally charged for all the underage drinking. I had to basically confiscate all the car keys and tell the kids there they had to either call their parents or stay overnight.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's a lot to ask, but $4-6k for a week's work would be worth it for a 19 year old. That's great pay. As long as there really are relatives near enough that she could "inconvenience" them in case of an emergency.

[Anonymous]

15:24 again back with practical advice since it sounds like this is pretty likely to happen.

1. Legal paperwork making it clear that from DATE to DATE while parents are out of the country, 19YO is granted authority to care for the children and make decisions, including medical, as needed. This must be in order.

2. Leave accurate contact info and a reasonable expectation for how frequently/quickly you can be reached.

3. If you're leaving her in charge, she needs authority, flexibility, and to know that you will back her up. If she sends a kid to bed early, or takes away the video game controller, or whatever, if the other kids think they can text you to complain and it will work, chaos will result. If she has to manage the circus (and 6 kids at once will always be a bit of a circus at least if she's new to managing them all) then you cannot undermine her from afar.

4. If she wants input, help her plan meals and daily schedules. If she's so accustomed to caring for the younger kids already that she says she's got it, just make sure she has access to the money and supplies she will need.

5. Make sure all camps for the little kids have the 19 year old as the authorized adult for drop off, pick up, communication about issues, etc.

6. Make sure you and the 19 year old are on the same page about the absolutely non-negotiable rules, and then give her the flexibility to manage everything else. If you usually eat organic but everything goes wrong so she grabs takeout one night -- yeah, okay, she's managing a ton of kids alone and sometimes stuff happens. If you're usually a gentle discipline household but 2 of the kids will not stop fighting so she sits them in chairs facing the corner and makes them stay put until they can shut it, okay, she managed the problem. If bedtime "should" be 8pm but the little one will not freaking sleep except in her lap in the rocking chair and 4 years old "should" be past this darn stage... yeah, ok, as long as sleep eventually happened and nobody got hurt the 19 year old is doing great. Flexibility, grace, priorities, support.

[Anonymous]

I’m the one who posted about my parents doing this in the 70s. My older siblings have no resentment about this -/ and they didn’t get paid! OP is paying th child more than 1K per day and the kids will be in camp. This seems to me totally reasonable, and the kids might actually make some great bonding memories. With the follow up explanations this really seems to be to be no big deal. Older sibs are welling to help out. I think most people don’t understand how large families work…these teens have significant child care experience and if she’s says she’s comfortable with it, I’d believe her. It’s not a random 19 year old off the streets — she’s knows what she’s getting into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uber eats carryout every day

I am the parent above with six kids. For me, I think the hardest part of feeding everyone is keeping track of everybody's needs and preferences and appetites. If I was leaving my younger kids with my 8th grader, I'd do all the dinner planning in advance and then have the food scheduled and ready to go, or I'd have very easy things to make and very specific instructions.

Are you saying you leave your 8th grader home alone with 5 younger kids? It's hard to believe, but I don't have experience with big families. I don't know many 8th graders who could handle 5 younger kids for more than a coup hours.

OK, I think I started to write 18 year old and then got distracted (by one of my 6 kids), because my oldest is 18, and is a 12th grader.