Reasonable to Ask 19YO to Cover Childcare for 5 Days?

[Anonymous]

Hi all — looking for advice and perspective.

My husband and I will be traveling abroad for 5 days soon. Our 19-year-old daughter will be home from college during that time, and we’re hoping she can help with her younger siblings (ages 15, 13, 11, 9, 6, and 4) while we’re away. Just to be clear, our 18-year-old won’t be home, so it would really be her managing things for that stretch. The kids will be on school break, so she won’t have to worry about school runs or things like that.

She’s responsible and conscientious, and we’re confident in her ability to handle things, but we also don’t want to overburden her or make her feel like it’s “her job.” Our nanny will be out for a planned family obligation, and my MIL will be traveling with my BIL and his kids, so our usual support network isn’t available. We could ask other siblings or extended family, but we’d really prefer not to inconvenience anyone unless it’s necessary.

We plan to compensate her, lay out a clear schedule, and provide all the emergency contacts and guidance she might need. That said, we want to be thoughtful about boundaries, fairness, and the logistics of having a single 19-year-old run the household for a few days.

Has anyone done something similar? Does this seem reasonable — having a college-age sibling as the main caregiver for a few days? Anything we should be thinking about in terms of boundaries, expectations, division of responsibilities, or backup plans?

Thanks so much for any insight — trying to navigate this in a way that’s reasonable, responsible, and keeps everyone’s dignity intact!

[Anonymous]

I assume this is a troll.

But in case it is not- NO it is not reasonable. Are you crazy?!

[Anonymous]

Some 19 yr olds can. Some can’t.

This is your family. You know the dynamics.

How did you not plan your vacation when your nanny was available?

[Anonymous]

I have 6, not 7, with similar age spread. My almost 19 year old is really good at managing the younger kids.

My biggest concern would be whether my teens would listen to her.

I think you should offer to pay her what your nanny would charge for the same time period, and then let her make the decision.

I also think I'd make sure that there are things built in so she gets breaks. For example, is it weekdays so the kids will be in school? Can you ask some of their friends' parents to invite kids over for sleepovers? Can they go to camp?

I'd also want to make other things easier for them. Stock up the freezer, etc . . .

Another option would be to see if she has a friend in college who would like to come home with her and help out and be well paid.

[Anonymous]

F no. please parent the numerous children you chose to have. I am from a similar sized family and while I did help out while I was home for college my parents never left without an older adult to care for the younger ones.

[Anonymous]

What's your plan if she says no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 6, not 7, with similar age spread. My almost 19 year old is really good at managing the younger kids.

My biggest concern would be whether my teens would listen to her.

I think you should offer to pay her what your nanny would charge for the same time period, and then let her make the decision.

I also think I'd make sure that there are things built in so she gets breaks. For example, is it weekdays so the kids will be in school? Can you ask some of their friends' parents to invite kids over for sleepovers? Can they go to camp?

I'd also want to make other things easier for them. Stock up the freezer, etc . . .

Another option would be to see if she has a friend in college who would like to come home with her and help out and be well paid.

Pro tip - the teens will NOT listen. In this scenario my younger brothers threw a massive party which only ended up with nobody dead or paralyzed or in a drunk driving accident by will of god.

[Anonymous]

Asking a 19 year old to be a single parent to 6 kids is a tall order.

I don't know that I would go that far.

I think you need the consent and work agreement with your 15 year old as well. That's the only other babysitter age kid you have. And does your 15 year old drive?

If anything comes up, the 19 year old will have to leave the home in the 15 year old's care. For example if the 4 year old needed to go to the ER.

You need excellent emergency backup plans.

[Anonymous]

Even if you get a babysitter you will need her to manage. That’s insane. Can you put younger kids in spring break camps at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 6, not 7, with similar age spread. My almost 19 year old is really good at managing the younger kids.

My biggest concern would be whether my teens would listen to her.

I think you should offer to pay her what your nanny would charge for the same time period, and then let her make the decision.

I also think I'd make sure that there are things built in so she gets breaks. For example, is it weekdays so the kids will be in school? Can you ask some of their friends' parents to invite kids over for sleepovers? Can they go to camp?

I'd also want to make other things easier for them. Stock up the freezer, etc . . .

Another option would be to see if she has a friend in college who would like to come home with her and help out and be well paid.

Pro tip - the teens will NOT listen. In this scenario my younger brothers threw a massive party which only ended up with nobody dead or paralyzed or in a drunk driving accident by will of god.

I'm pretty sure I know my kids better than you do.

[Anonymous]

Is this her spring break? I’d resent the hell out of you.

[Anonymous]

The only way this would be remotely ok is if you took the three younger ones with you on the trip, or hired another babysitter to come to help with the evenings. Otherwise no, far too much to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 6, not 7, with similar age spread. My almost 19 year old is really good at managing the younger kids.

My biggest concern would be whether my teens would listen to her.

I think you should offer to pay her what your nanny would charge for the same time period, and then let her make the decision.

I also think I'd make sure that there are things built in so she gets breaks. For example, is it weekdays so the kids will be in school? Can you ask some of their friends' parents to invite kids over for sleepovers? Can they go to camp?

I'd also want to make other things easier for them. Stock up the freezer, etc . . .

Another option would be to see if she has a friend in college who would like to come home with her and help out and be well paid.

Pro tip - the teens will NOT listen. In this scenario my younger brothers threw a massive party which only ended up with nobody dead or paralyzed or in a drunk driving accident by will of god.

I'm pretty sure I know my kids better than you do.

I’m pretty sure you don’t. 😂

[Anonymous]

Pay her a fair salary because this is a lot of work. Presumably you have the money considering this many kids and your ability to travel abroad. Don't cheap out. Sign up the kids for some activities during the day or arrange for some playdates at someone else's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this her spring break? I’d resent the hell out of you.

A nanny for those hours and that number of kids would be around $5,000. I'd definitely have taken that job for $5K at that age.

But college spring breaks are a week or two away. If OP has planned a trip for 1-2 weeks from now, and hasn't yet made childcare plans, and it's not something like "we found out a relative is dying, and want to see them one last time", then they are idiots.