What is this behavior pattern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

I agree with this to an extent. OP, your son's response was rude and then you just silently got up to scrape black bits off. I'm sure he was embarrassed and then he felt worse after how you guys handled it. I'm not saying he did it correctly, but are you willing to examine your own behavior here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

If I were him I’d be embarassed as F to act like that after making a mistake.

Maybe he should be posting his misperceptions and piss poor behavior on DCUM for feedback.

That's quite dramatic. Everyone burns dinner sometimes, it's not a big deal.

My husband was making Belgian waffles for our kids one weekend morning. I usually do it and I make it with fresh whipped cream, which he had never made before. He whipped it too much and it turned to butter. Instead of commenting rudely on it, the kids said it's ok I bet it'll still taste great and I asked if he wanted me to make another batch and he said yes and everything was fine.

The point is, all of them contributed to the dynamic that exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

This part is fine, if somewhat annoying: "He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions."

This part is lying: "And that it’s not burned."

It's one thing to explain that you'd followed the instructions and set a timer, and it's still edible. To actually deny it's burned when everyone sees it's burned and is scraping off burned parts is weird and unsettling.

I agree with you EXCEPT at no point did OP or her son say anything like "it's ok, it's just the top" or "it still tastes delicious, thank you for making it." So honestly, I'm not going to blame the guy all that much to resorting to lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry guys, I burned the chicken! I’ll check it more next time! Here’s just the bottom.

The end. Everyone moves on.

No destroying trust and the relationship.
No posting on DCUM needed.

+1
That would be the mature response, and way to model accountability to the kids.

And OP could model kindness by thanking her husband for making dinner and saying it's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

If I were him I’d be embarassed as F to act like that after making a mistake.

Maybe he should be posting his misperceptions and piss poor behavior on DCUM for feedback.

That's quite dramatic. Everyone burns dinner sometimes, it's not a big deal.

My husband was making Belgian waffles for our kids one weekend morning. I usually do it and I make it with fresh whipped cream, which he had never made before. He whipped it too much and it turned to butter. Instead of commenting rudely on it, the kids said it's ok I bet it'll still taste great and I asked if he wanted me to make another batch and he said yes and everything was fine.

The point is, all of them contributed to the dynamic that exists.

It’s not a big deal. Unless you do it frequently/ the carelessness, the mindlessness.

It’s not a big deal. Unless you deny it or lie and hide it.

It’s not a big deal. Unless you jump sow your kids throat for asking if the food is burned.

He’s got anger issues for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

This part is fine, if somewhat annoying: "He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions."

This part is lying: "And that it’s not burned."

It's one thing to explain that you'd followed the instructions and set a timer, and it's still edible. To actually deny it's burned when everyone sees it's burned and is scraping off burned parts is weird and unsettling.

I agree with you EXCEPT at no point did OP or her son say anything like "it's ok, it's just the top" or "it still tastes delicious, thank you for making it." So honestly, I'm not going to blame the guy all that much to resorting to lying.

Yes! Baby the 40-something lying and arguing parent. That’s the ticket!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he gaslights (in the truest sense of the word) and you all walk on eggshells? I feel bad for your kids.

Is this how he gets sex too?

Unattractive and undesirable bully. And you, OP, are training your kids to be doormats. Just awful.

She's actually probably training them to be bullies because they'll see their dad "winning" in these cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He made dinner, he made a mistake, and all anybody could do was point out the one mistake he made.

He made a big deal about the one mistake he made instead of just scraping it off and saying hey thanks for making dinner. I’m gonna scrape the top off because it’s a little burnt.

I’ve made dinner over 4000 and I still might burn something. Sometimes they make the rice and it’s a little undercooked or sometimes it’s a little overcooked.

That’s life just freaking eat. What’s good and don’t eat. What’s not good.

What I don’t understand is why you have to make a big deal about it.

Yes, exactly (and +1 to PP above as well).

This and that.

Now OP can complain that he never cooks anymore and she'll wonder why.

[Anonymous]

He needs more practice cooking. He should run the meal planning, shopping, preparing, and cooking. That will give him a better sense of for how that oven works, and not forget to check on the cooking food, and how learn what sized foods heat up where.

If he can’t use a pictorial Blue Apron cooking sheet to cook…. Lots more practice and common sense will help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

If I were him I’d be embarassed as F to act like that after making a mistake.

Maybe he should be posting his misperceptions and piss poor behavior on DCUM for feedback.

That's quite dramatic. Everyone burns dinner sometimes, it's not a big deal.

My husband was making Belgian waffles for our kids one weekend morning. I usually do it and I make it with fresh whipped cream, which he had never made before. He whipped it too much and it turned to butter. Instead of commenting rudely on it, the kids said it's ok I bet it'll still taste great and I asked if he wanted me to make another batch and he said yes and everything was fine.

The point is, all of them contributed to the dynamic that exists.

It’s not a big deal. Unless you do it frequently/ the carelessness, the mindlessness.

It’s not a big deal. Unless you deny it or lie and hide it.

It’s not a big deal. Unless you jump sow your kids throat for asking if the food is burned.

He’s got anger issues for sure.

OP never said he burnt dinner frequently. I'm an excellent cook and have burned things sometimes, on accident.

He only "lied" about it after everyone made a big deal about it. Maybe look at how he got there.

The kid didn't ask if the food was burned, that was his first comment, according to OP. Not, thanks for making dinner, but, it's burnt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

This part is fine, if somewhat annoying: "He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions."

This part is lying: "And that it’s not burned."

It's one thing to explain that you'd followed the instructions and set a timer, and it's still edible. To actually deny it's burned when everyone sees it's burned and is scraping off burned parts is weird and unsettling.

I agree with you EXCEPT at no point did OP or her son say anything like "it's ok, it's just the top" or "it still tastes delicious, thank you for making it." So honestly, I'm not going to blame the guy all that much to resorting to lying.

Yes! Baby the 40-something lying and arguing parent. That’s the ticket!

I guess you're bringing your own damage to the table, but since when it saying something nice to someone who just did something babying them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he gaslights (in the truest sense of the word) and you all walk on eggshells? I feel bad for your kids.

Is this how he gets sex too?

Unattractive and undesirable bully. And you, OP, are training your kids to be doormats. Just awful.

She's actually probably training them to be bullies because they'll see their dad "winning" in these cases.

It’s a f’d up family dynamic for sure.

Accident-prone male, mistakes on the regular, no learning or feedback loop, cannot talk about it, lies and has a temper tantrum. Females are to smile, say nothing, fix the setbacks, praise the inattentive male. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Why did he serve it all black and burnt?

What was up with that!?!?

Even my young kid knows to scrape off the over cooked black parts of his grilled cheese; it tastes disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, at best immaturity at worst narcissistic personality disorder. Either way, definitely not normal or healthy. Good luck.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did he serve it all black and burnt?

What was up with that!?!?

Even my young kid knows to scrape off the over cooked black parts of his grilled cheese; it tastes disgusting.

Willful ignorance

Learned helplessness

Fail until you aren’t made to do anything