What is this behavior pattern?

[Anonymous]

My spouse made the blue apron meal kit tonight, cool!

We grab a plate, and it’s totally black and burned bread crumbs on the top. We look at him like what’s up, the 12 yo says it’s burned, we all take a bite and the black bread crumbs topping on the chicken tastes horrible like charcoal. I go grab a plate to scrap the black parts off and do so. I asked how it got burned in the frying pan or oven so don’t do that again.

He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions. And that it’s not burned.

Everyone looks at him likes he’s insane but we don’t want him to temper tantrum so we eat what’s left in bewilderment.

I hate how he roles models this lying and excuses in front of his own kids. I guess I’m sad. For them and me, and their future.

[Anonymous]

So you're asking what the behavior pattern is of lying? I don't understand your question.

[Anonymous]

Lying, excuses, inability to apologize, gets angry when asked what happened, changes the subject, starts personally attacking others who ask, raises his voice to avoid answering anything, etc.

[Anonymous]

Girl, at best immaturity at worst narcissistic personality disorder. Either way, definitely not normal or healthy. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sorry guys, I burned the chicken! I’ll check it more next time! Here’s just the bottom.

The end. Everyone moves on.

No destroying trust and the relationship.
No posting on DCUM needed.

[Anonymous]

My STBX would pull crap like this. He had an adult diagnosis of AuDHD but definitely some other stuff going on. I don’t think his parents ever dared to give him anything but praise because they were afraid of him, and it created the man he is today.

He had a lot of trouble with stuff like cooking, where there are rules and instructions but you can’t just follow the steps like it’s a Lego kit and get an airplane. He did not understand or chose to not understand that you have to set a timer and then watch and adjust and maybe cook something shorter or longer. He would sit on the couch on his phone two rooms away with a stopwatch from track and not go back to the pan or oven or whatever until the watch beeped.

It’s a combination of learned helplessness, weaponized incompetence, and literalism. And it means you either cook yourself or starve.

Don’t forget to praise him and say thank you! If you don’t he’ll punish you later.

[Anonymous]

Bonus points if he turns this into him being the victim and storms around half-crying going “well I guess I can’t do anything right, I should just kill my self!”

-my STBX in a similar situation

[Anonymous]

Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My STBX would pull crap like this. He had an adult diagnosis of AuDHD but definitely some other stuff going on. I don’t think his parents ever dared to give him anything but praise because they were afraid of him, and it created the man he is today.

He had a lot of trouble with stuff like cooking, where there are rules and instructions but you can’t just follow the steps like it’s a Lego kit and get an airplane. He did not understand or chose to not understand that you have to set a timer and then watch and adjust and maybe cook something shorter or longer. He would sit on the couch on his phone two rooms away with a stopwatch from track and not go back to the pan or oven or whatever until the watch beeped.

It’s a combination of learned helplessness, weaponized incompetence, and literalism. And it means you either cook yourself or starve.

Don’t forget to praise him and say thank you! If you don’t he’ll punish you later.

Projecting much? Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Girl. Do something.
Like … Make a move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lying, excuses, inability to apologize, gets angry when asked what happened, changes the subject, starts personally attacking others who ask, raises his voice to avoid answering anything, etc.

You just described my H.

[Anonymous]

Crap like this is why Im over men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Crap like this is why Im over men

Woman here. I equally suspect men would say the same about women, vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My STBX would pull crap like this. He had an adult diagnosis of AuDHD but definitely some other stuff going on. I don’t think his parents ever dared to give him anything but praise because they were afraid of him, and it created the man he is today.

He had a lot of trouble with stuff like cooking, where there are rules and instructions but you can’t just follow the steps like it’s a Lego kit and get an airplane. He did not understand or chose to not understand that you have to set a timer and then watch and adjust and maybe cook something shorter or longer. He would sit on the couch on his phone two rooms away with a stopwatch from track and not go back to the pan or oven or whatever until the watch beeped.

It’s a combination of learned helplessness, weaponized incompetence, and literalism. And it means you either cook yourself or starve.

Don’t forget to praise him and say thank you! If you don’t he’ll punish you later.

Projecting much? Good grief.

I’m not projecting, just sharing my experience in the hopes that it helps Op either say “yes that sounds like my DH” or “that is nothing like my DH so I can cross those explanations off the list.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

If I were him I’d be embarassed as F to act like that after making a mistake.

Maybe he should be posting his misperceptions and piss poor behavior on DCUM for feedback.