What is this behavior pattern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

Lying, excuses and self denial are indeed Characteristic Flaws Pp. Those were choices he made to respond with after making a dim-witted mistake.

[Anonymous]

Guess with that doubling down type we’ll never really know why or how he overcooked the food. Mysteries mysteries. All the time.

But shhhhh. Never talk or ask about them….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

This part is fine, if somewhat annoying: "He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions."

This part is lying: "And that it’s not burned."

It's one thing to explain that you'd followed the instructions and set a timer, and it's still edible. To actually deny it's burned when everyone sees it's burned and is scraping off burned parts is weird and unsettling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry guys, I burned the chicken! I’ll check it more next time! Here’s just the bottom.

The end. Everyone moves on.

No destroying trust and the relationship.
No posting on DCUM needed.

So true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

This part is fine, if somewhat annoying: "He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions."

This part is lying: "And that it’s not burned."

It's one thing to explain that you'd followed the instructions and set a timer, and it's still edible. To actually deny it's burned when everyone sees it's burned and is scraping off burned parts is weird and unsettling.

He clearly needs to be molly coddled like a little child. Same with cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse made the blue apron meal kit tonight, cool!

We grab a plate, and it’s totally black and burned bread crumbs on the top. We look at him like what’s up, the 12 yo says it’s burned, we all take a bite and the black bread crumbs topping on the chicken tastes horrible like charcoal. I go grab a plate to scrap the black parts off and do so. I asked how it got burned in the frying pan or oven so don’t do that again.

He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions. And that it’s not burned.

Everyone looks at him likes he’s insane but we don’t want him to temper tantrum so we eat what’s left in bewilderment.

I hate how he roles models this lying and excuses in front of his own kids. I guess I’m sad. For them and me, and their future.

If you are being honest, there is absolutely zero bewilderment involved when you are all afraid he’s going to tantrum. Why pretend otherwise? If you want advice, why not just ask the more straightforward question about how or whether to handle your ahole DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

Zing!!!

[Anonymous]

He is an immature bully. Hope your kids do not imitate that BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry guys, I burned the chicken! I’ll check it more next time! Here’s just the bottom.

The end. Everyone moves on.

No destroying trust and the relationship.
No posting on DCUM needed.

+1
That would be the mature response, and way to model accountability to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse made the blue apron meal kit tonight, cool!

We grab a plate, and it’s totally black and burned bread crumbs on the top. We look at him like what’s up, the 12 yo says it’s burned, we all take a bite and the black bread crumbs topping on the chicken tastes horrible like charcoal. I go grab a plate to scrap the black parts off and do so. I asked how it got burned in the frying pan or oven so don’t do that again.

He says it’s fine. He set a timer and didn’t check. He followed the instructions. And that it’s not burned.

Everyone looks at him likes he’s insane but we don’t want him to temper tantrum so we eat what’s left in bewilderment.

I hate how he roles models this lying and excuses in front of his own kids. I guess I’m sad. For them and me, and their future.

The magic fairy did it!

Oh wait, nothing to see here, that gas lantern ain’t flickering or out kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Crap like this is why Im over men

Woman here. I equally suspect men would say the same about women, vice versa.

Except no wife is gonna gaslight her family about dinner being burned or not.

[Anonymous]

Don’t cry over spilled milk. Or burnt breadcrumbs

[Anonymous]

Did he eat the burnt breadcrumbs? Maybe he prefers burnt toast. So he is a bad cook. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that you are posting this here seemingly as validation that you are right.

This doesn’t sound like a man “lying,” it sounds like someone trying not to get dunked on by his own family. He burned dinner. That’s not a character flaw. When the response is a group stare-down and commentary from everyone at the table, people get defensive and dig in. The real issue isn’t the breadcrumbs, it’s a family dynamic where one mistake turns into a referendum on competence, and then a wife who races to DCUM.

This. Feeling sad for your children, yourself, and the future—over a burned dinner topping—is humorously overdramatic, OP.

If you’re a good cook, offer advice at a calmer moment. Otherwise scrape off the breadcrumbs (which can be fickle) and offer a little grace.

(It sounds like the instructions called for cooking the chicken and breadcrumbs together, which was too high/long for the breadcrumbs. Probably better to toast separately.)

[Anonymous]

This is my family situation. It's dismissive avoidant attachment type. My kids are both very good at accepting responsibility, repairing, and moving on. My biggest issue is after a huge tantrum, there is no repair. He just act like everything is normal. I have been sending my husband videos and specifically pointing out the behavior. If he doesn't change, we will divorce once the kids go to college.