Money transparency

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So what was the $150k spent on... A vacation and $25k on what for your child?

Where is the rest?

Sorry, your husband is a money liar. This will not work long term.

17k private school due to SN child
8k 1-week surprise lux vacation wt Child as a treat to us as we never had honeymoon and it was rough with Sn issues etc. he said - I would never approve it. This is why he went ahead and booked it before inheritance money ran out.
Rest: new car with full blown add ons whatever, payoff 50k debt, household expenses.

So who pays this expense now?

Most bills are on him. I don’t ask money and pay for groceries, vacations (pretty much all but that lux one), house improvement projects (big things - like window replacement, my loan payment over time); bathroom remodeling; gifts, eating out, extracurricular activity payment, fun outings like movies, paid of my own car (my first car of 17years broke down completely)… I’m probably forgetting some things. Vet

This absolutely no way to live and unbelievable.. Anyways, So now what?

Now he wants me to take over more bills-expenses. And not look at his credit cards.

You need to monitor his credit. You have his SS, so it's not that hard to set up alerts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So what was the $150k spent on... A vacation and $25k on what for your child?

Where is the rest?

Sorry, your husband is a money liar. This will not work long term.

17k private school due to SN child
8k 1-week surprise lux vacation wt Child as a treat to us as we never had honeymoon and it was rough with Sn issues etc. he said - I would never approve it. This is why he went ahead and booked it before inheritance money ran out.
Rest: new car with full blown add ons whatever, payoff 50k debt, household expenses.

So who pays this expense now?

Most bills are on him. I don’t ask money and pay for groceries, vacations (pretty much all but that lux one), house improvement projects (big things - like window replacement, my loan payment over time); bathroom remodeling; gifts, eating out, extracurricular activity payment, fun outings like movies, paid of my own car (my first car of 17years broke down completely)… I’m probably forgetting some things. Vet

This absolutely no way to live and unbelievable.. Anyways, So now what?

Now he wants me to take over more bills-expenses. And not look at his credit cards.

I can't believe you are whining about the inheritance not being fair to you while you are literally blind to the debt he is accumulating. This is mind boggling. Sit him down, tell him to log in and review where your money is going.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he spent the inheritance money on family expenses, just like he told you. And it sounds like you've got a lifestyle that exceeds your joint incomes, which leads to lots of small amounts adding up on the credit cards. Rather than fixate on seeing the credit card statements for what has already been spent, you should jointly create a budget going forward that reflects your current income streams. Then monitor the heck out of that. What's spent is spent. Just move on. But this time, do it with mutual transparency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he spent the inheritance money on family expenses, just like he told you. And it sounds like you've got a lifestyle that exceeds your joint incomes, which leads to lots of small amounts adding up on the credit cards. Rather than fixate on seeing the credit card statements for what has already been spent, you should jointly create a budget going forward that reflects your current income streams. Then monitor the heck out of that. What's spent is spent. Just move on. But this time, do it with mutual transparency.

You can't make a budget, nor stick to one, with someone who is secretive of their spending. That doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he spent the inheritance money on family expenses, just like he told you. And it sounds like you've got a lifestyle that exceeds your joint incomes, which leads to lots of small amounts adding up on the credit cards. Rather than fixate on seeing the credit card statements for what has already been spent, you should jointly create a budget going forward that reflects your current income streams. Then monitor the heck out of that. What's spent is spent. Just move on. But this time, do it with mutual transparency.

You can't make a budget, nor stick to one, with someone who is secretive of their spending. That doesn't work.

>>> I think you said it so well for me. I’m tired of secretive person; and raging person when I ask basic questions. I don’t want to be requesting credit report on him - that’s if you have a tenant… anyway, he is not cooperating and I’m okay with parting ways.

[Anonymous]

Get your own 3 agency credit report. He may have opened cards in your name or joint to use your good credit.

[Anonymous]

>>> It’s fine. I checked mine recently.

[Anonymous]

Good! Might put a lock on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:* I told DH that I am open

Ughh - sorry lots of typos and errors because of the dictation and autocorrects.

Why don’t you read through the text and edit it before you hit post?

[Anonymous]

>>> My apologies. I’m on my cellphone in rush usually. Quick and not perfectionistic. Sometimes, dictation just flows and I don’t have glasses on to check or I hit submit too fast. Yes, I should slow down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good! Might put a lock on it.

I did not know you could do that. But I trust he would not go this route. I know him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good! Might put a lock on it.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

This too shall pass.

Everything will be okay eventually. Stay well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*50 k debt (credit cards again)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he spent the inheritance money on family expenses, just like he told you. And it sounds like you've got a lifestyle that exceeds your joint incomes, which leads to lots of small amounts adding up on the credit cards. Rather than fixate on seeing the credit card statements for what has already been spent, you should jointly create a budget going forward that reflects your current income streams. Then monitor the heck out of that. What's spent is spent. Just move on. But this time, do it with mutual transparency.

You can't make a budget, nor stick to one, with someone who is secretive of their spending. That doesn't work.

This only works when you pull a credit report to see what credit cards are out there, download the last three months, then drop them into chathpt and get a quick summary on where its all going.

Then you create at budget. Otherwise he’s just going to keep lying.

[Anonymous]

I know someone with a similar issue with regard to lack of transparency and it turns out
The DH had been spending massively on both gambling AND drugs and his debt was so so much worse than the wife knew. They are getting divorced and it’s a nightmare. The wife has not taken responsibility for her own finances and somehow also didn’t realize that she could not afford her lifestyle on her on own. They mostly have debt to split. Her parents are bailing them out but in the meantime they have have had their water and other utilities turned off for periods of time etc. anyway the point is the kids who are completely blameless in all of this are really suffering and will likely have to move out of school district and it would be way worse if they didn’t have wealthy family. All that to say you need to think of this through the lens of protecting your kid. I am not one to rush to divorce but I would definitely give an ultimate that you two have transparency into the house hold financial situation and establish a budget with a counselor or a CPA or you divorce. You may view your finances as separate but legally they are not so you need to protect yourself and your kid.