"Normal" reaction to loss of parent, what is typical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more abnormal when an old (like 85+) person dies of natural causes and their child acts like it is the shock of the century. Did you think they would live to be 100+?

Exactly. You should be be prepared for your parents' deaths by the time they're 60. A heart attack could come along and take them away in an instant.

Why do so many people have such unnatural and unhealthy attitudes towards death?

You post s**t like this on every thread. 60 is not “old” nowadays, but regardless, there’s nothing psychological about being shocked or devastated when people die at 60. My kids will be in their twenties when I’m 60.

And while I agree that it’s not shocking when a parent in their 80s dies, it can still cause very deep grief. But there’s no right or wrong way to experience it.

[Anonymous]

Nothing *pathological ^^

[Anonymous]

I lost my mom eight months ago. I still cry most days---my grief is profound and will stay with me forever. However, I can enjoy myself, live my life, and hold things in pretty well. I prefer to wait until I'm alone to let go and truly wallow in my despair.

If your DH doesn't share his feelings with the world (or with anyone, including you), it does not necessarily mean that he's not feeling grief over his loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was notified late at night that my Father had died (it was going to be sometime w/in the year). DH was asleep and I let him sleep. I didn't need comforting. What I needed was to get some things done: packing, making travel arrangements, oth arrangements to be gone. Filled him in on details in the morning.

I often find someone else's reaction to what they think I must be feeling -- their reaction, that adds stress for me.

DP. That’s a normal response too. There’s no “right” way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more abnormal when an old (like 85+) person dies of natural causes and their child acts like it is the shock of the century. Did you think they would live to be 100+?

Exactly. You should be be prepared for your parents' deaths by the time they're 60. A heart attack could come along and take them away in an instant.

Why do so many people have such unnatural and unhealthy attitudes towards death?

You post s**t like this on every thread. 60 is not “old” nowadays, but regardless, there’s nothing psychological about being shocked or devastated when people die at 60. My kids will be in their twenties when I’m 60.

And while I agree that it’s not shocking when a parent in their 80s dies, it can still cause very deep grief. But there’s no right or wrong way to experience it.

My mom cried when my great granddad died at 100. Just because he was very old didn't mean she wasn't sad about his death (my grandmother predeceased him). Everybody dies, it doesn't mean death isn't sad.

[Anonymous]

There really is no room for judgment on this thread.

[Anonymous]

When my dad died I cried a little bit for the day but then had to pull it together because of the logistics that needed to be taken care of and because my mom was a wreck. So I kind of suppressed all of my grief to the point that I went right back to work without using all of my personal days. A month later, the grief hit me hard and I had to take time off work and that’s when I really started feeling it.

I don’t think I was in my deepest phase of grief until 6 or even 12 months out. Sometimes it takes time for it to be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

+1

My husband was devastated when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and extremely stressed throughout the period of their illness. He has outwardly seemed pretty “normal” since their death, though I know he feels sad and misses them.

+2. DP. My husband experienced this when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and throughout the illness. And more “normal” after.

When my mom died I was in shock for months after. We also had a tough relationship so her passing was very very complicated to say the least. I didn’t (and still don’t) related to all the things people said to me about grief or a parent passing.

This doesn't make any sense. If you didn't have much of a relationship with your mother, then what did you even lose when she died?

Sounds like you need therapy.

They said it was a difficult relationship, not that there was no relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This feels pretty typical to me, but there is no “normal”. I remember when I was 14 and my aunt died—I cried nonstop for a week, couldn’t go to school, and still felt pretty normal after—but losing an aunt is different from losing a parent.

Was Your aunt your caretaker or was it a gruesome or sudden tragic death?

Often children and teens don’t know how to grieve or process big emotions so they copy movies or what they then they should be doing- bawling, crying, heaving, suffering, lying around, not functioning.
There is also peer pressure to show sadness, at that age. My high school class lost a girl to cancer- she showed up in 9th grade and died in 10th grade. The entire school was at the funeral and kids who didn’t even know her from her sports or honor classes were loudly crying the whole time. Were they truly very sad? Did they want to appear very sad to be socially acceptable? Were they projecting doomsday on themselves? Did they have other connections or deaths recently and triggered? Unlikely. Just peer pressure.

[Anonymous]

My husband just lost his dad after a long illness. He cried during the service, but bounced back quickly. My own dad told me that he didn't cry when his dad died (my grandfather died when my dad was 20) until randomly a decade later. There's a lot of normal ways of dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more abnormal when an old (like 85+) person dies of natural causes and their child acts like it is the shock of the century. Did you think they would live to be 100+?

Exactly. You should be be prepared for your parents' deaths by the time they're 60. A heart attack could come along and take them away in an instant.

Why do so many people have such unnatural and unhealthy attitudes towards death?

You post s**t like this on every thread. 60 is not “old” nowadays, but regardless, there’s nothing psychological about being shocked or devastated when people die at 60. My kids will be in their twenties when I’m 60.

And while I agree that it’s not shocking when a parent in their 80s dies, it can still cause very deep grief. But there’s no right or wrong way to experience it.

My mom cried when my great granddad died at 100. Just because he was very old didn't mean she wasn't sad about his death (my grandmother predeceased him). Everybody dies, it doesn't mean death isn't sad.

It does. Death in old age is entirely expected. It isn't sad. At least, it shouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman. My dad passed away when he was 80, after a sharp decline. My grieving period was short. It was expected, and we weren’t particularly close.
There is no normal.

[Anonymous]

That’s normal. He’s still grieving inside. Stop judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more abnormal when an old (like 85+) person dies of natural causes and their child acts like it is the shock of the century. Did you think they would live to be 100+?

Yes. I think some people are lucky enough to see their parents as strong and immortal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more abnormal when an old (like 85+) person dies of natural causes and their child acts like it is the shock of the century. Did you think they would live to be 100+?

It’s still sad.