"Normal" reaction to loss of parent, what is typical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

+1

My husband was devastated when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and extremely stressed throughout the period of their illness. He has outwardly seemed pretty “normal” since their death, though I know he feels sad and misses them.

+2. DP. My husband experienced this when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and throughout the illness. And more “normal” after.

When my mom died I was in shock for months after. We also had a tough relationship so her passing was very very complicated to say the least. I didn’t (and still don’t) related to all the things people said to me about grief or a parent passing.

This doesn't make any sense. If you didn't have much of a relationship with your mother, then what did you even lose when she died?

Sounds like you need therapy.

[Anonymous]

My husband's mom died after a terrible decline from brain cancer. So by the time she died she hadn't been able to move or talk for weeks. It was absolutely awful. So when she died there was some sense of relief that she wasn't trapped anymore. My husband grieved a lot when she was first diagnosed and when we realized the tumor had spread despite treatment.

There's also a sense of delayed grief. Her birthday was hard, the first Christmas was hard, the birth of our second kid after she had died was hard. Little things like that.

When a close aunt of mine died I actually didn't really grieve about it until a week or so later because I was primarily focusing on my Dad who was shaken up by his younger sister dying.

[Anonymous]

I was notified late at night that my Father had died (it was going to be sometime w/in the year). DH was asleep and I let him sleep. I didn't need comforting. What I needed was to get some things done: packing, making travel arrangements, oth arrangements to be gone. Filled him in on details in the morning.

I often find someone else's reaction to what they think I must be feeling -- their reaction, that adds stress for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

+1

My husband was devastated when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and extremely stressed throughout the period of their illness. He has outwardly seemed pretty “normal” since their death, though I know he feels sad and misses them.

+2. DP. My husband experienced this when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and throughout the illness. And more “normal” after.

When my mom died I was in shock for months after. We also had a tough relationship so her passing was very very complicated to say the least. I didn’t (and still don’t) related to all the things people said to me about grief or a parent passing.

This doesn't make any sense. If you didn't have much of a relationship with your mother, then what did you even lose when she died?

Sounds like you need therapy.

Wow, that's really a cruel response. Death can actually be a lot harder when you had a complicated relationship with the person who died. Yes, they had a tough relationship but that was her mom. The PP's response is very very normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

You are so weird, cold and immature. Are you on the spectrum? Basing it on your post above. Very abnormal post. Says a lot about you and your marriage. Tsk, tsk!

Such a strange and cruel response. You sound heartless attacking OP who is clearly concerned about their loved ones mental health. I really think you need counseling from reading this cold and immature response perhaps you are on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for the displaced anger, acting out by drinking more, ramped up porn addiction, and other ways in which men express grief because they're too weak to face sadness.

Shocked that your loving support didn’t lead to a different outcome.

[Anonymous]

My father died a slow and grueling death from cancer. It was awful. After his immediate death I didn’t cry at all. I left on a family vacation and had a good time and honestly felt better than I had in months. I was relieved for him and for us (me and siblings). I had cried many times during the process of him declining.

Years later I still get pangs of grief.

Everyone is different OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

Is the other parent alive or not? Are they handling the funeral, paperwork, various arrangements?

If not, does your spouse have to help make arrangements with their sibling? Give a eulogy speech, call friends & family, handle the estate, clean up & sell the home apt unit?

Who is handling all of that?

Often that person has to grieve in cycles and get $hit done at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

Do you and your spouse need to stay strong for the rest of the family and your own kids?
It’s ok to grieve and be sad on/off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

Is the other parent alive or not? Are they handling the funeral, paperwork, various arrangements?

If not, does your spouse have to help make arrangements with their sibling? Give a eulogy speech, call friends & family, handle the estate, clean up & sell the home apt unit?

Who is handling all of that?

Often that person has to grieve in cycles and get $hit done at the same time.

It can happen both ways. When my FIL died we were very focused on helping my MIL. When my MIL died there were just so many things to deal with in order to deal with the cars, the property, closing accounts. Death has a lot of logistics, even with a lawyer helping you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

+1

My husband was devastated when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and extremely stressed throughout the period of their illness. He has outwardly seemed pretty “normal” since their death, though I know he feels sad and misses them.

+2. DP. My husband experienced this when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and throughout the illness. And more “normal” after.

When my mom died I was in shock for months after. We also had a tough relationship so her passing was very very complicated to say the least. I didn’t (and still don’t) related to all the things people said to me about grief or a parent passing.

This doesn't make any sense. If you didn't have much of a relationship with your mother, then what did you even lose when she died?

Sounds like you need therapy.

Wow, that's really a cruel response. Death can actually be a lot harder when you had a complicated relationship with the person who died. Yes, they had a tough relationship but that was her mom. The PP's response is very very normal.

It's completely irrational. There's no relationship to mourn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

You are so weird, cold and immature. Are you on the spectrum? Basing it on your post above. Very abnormal post. Says a lot about you and your marriage. Tsk, tsk!

Prob a Troll OP or a 10 yo.

When your own parent dies there’s a ton of stuff to do- for the property, surviving spouse, outreaches, taxes, funeral and celebration of life, etc.

Very very odd that OP left ALL of that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

Is the other parent alive or not? Are they handling the funeral, paperwork, various arrangements?

If not, does your spouse have to help make arrangements with their sibling? Give a eulogy speech, call friends & family, handle the estate, clean up & sell the home apt unit?

Who is handling all of that?

Often that person has to grieve in cycles and get $hit done at the same time.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for the displaced anger, acting out by drinking more, ramped up porn addiction, and other ways in which men express grief because they're too weak to face sadness.

Whatever you're thinking, it isn't healthy. Your parents dying in old age shouldn't be emotionally traumatizing.

The way men deal with grief is invariably unhealthy.

No, it really isn’t, and the fact that you say this suggests that you have spent your time with the wrong men. Or to put it another way, you may be the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

I was the same when my mother died, notwithstanding the fact that we had been very close. She had been ill for a while though so it wasn’t a shock.

I find it harder to understand the people that completely fall apart when a parent dies at a ripe old age. You have had 40 or 50 years to prepare for this - what did you think was going to happen?