"Normal" reaction to loss of parent, what is typical?

[Anonymous]

I hate using the word normal so maybe typical is better what is a typical emotional response to the loss of a parent? My spouse lost their dad and they cried and were upset a few day but then went back to normal. Like it didn't happen. Would you say that's a typical emotional response? Or are they not dealing with it?

[Anonymous]

Everyone grieves differently,

[Anonymous]

If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

[Anonymous]

There’s no normal.

[Anonymous]

That’s how your husband grieves.
Everyone grieves differently.

Is that not ok with you?

[Anonymous]

Your spouse is a man? That's normal. He stuffed it in a box and it'll slowly rot therr.

[Anonymous]

Just because he’s not outwardly expressing emotion doesn’t mean he’s not feeling it. I didn’t tell anyone when my mother died. I attended her funeral via Zoom and was working remotely on my work laptop. But I cried in my sleep. Also we had a very difficult relationship and there was a very distinct feeling of “whew, I’ll never have to deal with/hear that again!” and the guilt that came with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

+1

My husband was devastated when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and extremely stressed throughout the period of their illness. He has outwardly seemed pretty “normal” since their death, though I know he feels sad and misses them.

[Anonymous]

Sounds pretty normal. You didn't provide many details, but I'm assuming this was natural causes, not an accident or homicide. Old people die, so this shouldn't have been a shock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

+1

My husband was devastated when his parent received a terminal diagnosis and extremely stressed throughout the period of their illness. He has outwardly seemed pretty “normal” since their death, though I know he feels sad and misses them.

In those situations you usually feel relief once they die.

[Anonymous]

I can only speak for myself but when my dad died a few years ago I maybe spent a week outwardly crying and being upset. I didn't really feel the need to beyond that, but also falling apart daily just doesn't work for adult life you have responsibilities and you have to get on with it.

But not crying and being upset doesn't mean not grieving.

Grieving is a complicated process and in my opinion one that never ends but takes on different phases as we move through life without our loved one.



Don't judge your spouse check in with them.

[Anonymous]

Get ready for the displaced anger, acting out by drinking more, ramped up porn addiction, and other ways in which men express grief because they're too weak to face sadness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he had been very sick for a while, I think it's normal. We expect our parents to die. If they've been sick or are very old, it's sometimes a relief and we've done our grieving slowly over the years. If you lost your kid and he was like this, I'd be concerned.

I mean, even if it was a kid, what good does crying for a week do? What would you want to see that you think suggests a more functional human being?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for the displaced anger, acting out by drinking more, ramped up porn addiction, and other ways in which men express grief because they're too weak to face sadness.

Whatever you're thinking, it isn't healthy. Your parents dying in old age shouldn't be emotionally traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for the displaced anger, acting out by drinking more, ramped up porn addiction, and other ways in which men express grief because they're too weak to face sadness.

Whatever you're thinking, it isn't healthy. Your parents dying in old age shouldn't be emotionally traumatizing.

The way men deal with grief is invariably unhealthy.