Is my boyfriend marriage material?

[Anonymous]

You can do better.

And if you don’t want kids just save yourself the hassle and don’t get married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
But personally, I could never be in another relationship where I was both making the money and cleaning the house. What's the point of living with someone if you still have to doe everything?

If you are cleaning the house instead of delegating it to hired help then you aren't really making enough money. That's a bigger issue for you. Improve your own income so your partner is there for love and attention not chores and financial arguments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend wants to get married. I want to get married in general. My parents went through a bad divorce, so I’m weary. I want to avoid something like that. I want to go into marriage with eyes wide open. From those of you who are more experienced can you tell me if you think my boyfriend is marriage material? We don’t want kids.

Pros: very sweet, loyal, showers me with attention, hard working, smart, good politics, nice friend group

Cons: diagnosed adhd, messy, stubborn/inflexible, dysfunctional family (but not local)

He’s in low earning profession but I don’t mind that.

Your family is dysfunctional and your income is low. If you were from a functional and stable family and making top dollars, this would be a different scenario.

[Anonymous]

He's on meds because you asked him to take them?

Then, no

He' was fine with his ADHD life sans meds before he met you.

After the honeymoon phase, he will go off the meds and blame you for making him take them

[Anonymous]

Don't marry if you are a child of bad divorce and want a perfect husband to make your marriage work. Only marry if you are willing and capable of making this marriage accepting and respecting flaws of your partner. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself. If you want a healthy marriage, you'll have to be willing and capable.

[Anonymous]

You don't want kids and don't want marriage unless with a perfect husband. You want an easy life of no responsibilities. You are fully entitled to that. Don't ruin someone else's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

If your really an 8 then I don’t think you are limited at all. I didn't catch your age, but if you consider slightly older men, you can snag a high earner whose kids are already grown. Then you are on easy street, as long as you keep him happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

I could be wrong because my husband doesn't have ADHD but that plus you being overly sensitive seem like a bad combination to me?

Personally, I couldn't live with the messiness or the inflexibility so those would be dealbreakers for me.

If you don't want kids, I'd take your time. Why marry the wrong person?

[Anonymous]

Di you see the irony in the fact that you are from a highly dysfunctional family which ended up in a bad divorce and you are more concerned about his family being dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? No. ADHD in men and being messy only gets a lot worse with kids and your kids will have a higher probability of having it too. If is not earning a lot bow it's not even helping him super focus at work. You will carry all of the burden of house and money. As he couldn't handle being a stay at home parent. I have seen this play out in so many friends and husbands. It compounds exponentially with a house and kids and the non ADHD parent ends up completely burned out.

Which part of, they don't want kids, is hard to comprehend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

So apparently you don't really think you have any cons or personality issues. You know perfectly well that not being submissive is not a thing, and that your family members are not reflective of you. Also that not wanting kids is fairly common these days.

So you lack self awareness or the ability to see what your less appealing traits are.

[Anonymous]

If you are under 25 with a lucrative career or big inheritance and many high functioning and high earning suitors, you have liberty to make your choices. If not then choose staying single and living alone.

If you want another human to love and navigate life with, they'll come with one set of flaws or other. You'll have to support their flaws and they'll have to support yours. I'm assuming you aren't a flawless creature?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's wooing you right now so the sweetness comes naturally

Over the decades, you will be left with mostly the cons

Also, kids make this situation worse

Unless OP is a wealthy and accomplished supermodel, what is he wooing her for? We don't know what OP offers. We only know that she comes from a broken family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m 31. Don’t want kids so no particular timeline, but do enjoy the companionship of a partner.

His messiness is very bad. I’m middle of the road on being tidy. I think I can live with this trait and just hire help if it comes to that.

Communication doesn’t help all the way with the adhd symptoms. He got on meds at my request which has improved things some, but it’s still a struggle with symptoms. He’s very inflexible.

Just no. If you hire cleaners he will freak because they move stuff to the wrong places.
Inflexible.

Don't marry. Of course he wants to marry an 8 with an income!
Maybe you will fall out of love with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a personal decision. When dating, I screened out men with dysfunctional families.

That everyone else (if she gets any good options) would eliminate OP.