Teen struggling with male gaze

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She talks to you about how he is looking at her?

My daughter would talk to me about this for sure, not weird at all if you have a close relationship as daughter/mother.

Ok, I have an incredibly close relationship with my daughters and neither would tell me "John is staring at me in class."
Something is off about this.

Sad. Absolutely your daughter should feel self aware to notice this (guaranteed it happens) and safe and supported by you enough to bring it up. I would looking at red flags in your relationship and your views on sexuality if she isn't. My daughter brought it up many times, and with friends in the car too.

This is something they need help with and also a concern behavior if they're alone with men like this. Most of the time my daughter brought it up but a few times I did when it happened when we were together. These men are disgusting and their sick thoughts can worm their way in if women don't defend against it.

DP. You are crazy. I bolded one sentence, but actually, your whole post is crazy.

To the PP whose daughter wouldn’t bring this up, same here.

I don't understand how you possibly think this is a good or normal thing that your daughter will not talk to you about when things like this happen in her life. This is a valuable door to have open between you. It takes a lot of conversations to teach values on healthy sexuality especially in our current society, there's a lot to undo from religion and otherwise.

I don’t know, maybe no one’s staring at her. Maybe she’s completely oblivious to it. Maybe she notices but ignores it. She’s a very confident young woman who has never really cared what anyone—boy or girl—thinks about how she looks or how she’s presenting herself. I don’t go looking for issues where none appear to be.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s awful that some boy moms and the moderators struck a ton of relevant, non-obscene posts. I guess a lot of you know that your sons are weird and have zero social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys treating this poor hormonal middle school boy like he’s R. Kelly?

His minds telling him no but his body his body

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you guys treating this poor hormonal middle school boy like he’s R. Kelly?

Because this can get worse. I don't know how you know when something will escalate and when it won't, but the "poor hormonal 9th grader" who started out by staring at my daughter was staring at her while fondling himself in class a couple of months later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s awful that some boy moms and the moderators struck a ton of relevant, non-obscene posts. I guess a lot of you know that your sons are weird and have zero social skills.

What was the gist?

[Anonymous]

My 13 yo DD recently had an issue with two boys seated on either side of her staring at her. I told her to ask the teacher politely if her seat could be changed because she was having trouble focusing on her schoolwork. She did, and it was.

I did tell her, kindly, that when she chooses to wear fitted, shoulder- and or-belly exposing clothes, she would get more attention and there's a negative piece to that she now understands better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t control is someone looks at you or even stares. It’s not illegal. Tell her she needs to be secure with herself and move on.

Unless he is doing something extreme, which my your post doesn’t appear that way.

Agree with this. But I also think it's fine to say "stop staring at me" and make him feel awkward.

[Anonymous]

Loud enough for others to hear, and with casual disdain, she should tell him to stop being such a perv.

Help shame switch sides.

[Anonymous]

How about she just dresses more appropriately if she doesn’t want people staring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my daughter for the first time is dealing with being looked at by a boy she doesn’t like. She has only in the last couple of months begun wearing any clothes more revealing than shapeless tees and shorts. Current clothes are not revealing, but sometimes show her shoulders or her chest (Altho no cleavage). She is really made uncomfortable by the fact that this boy notices her body. I think this is a fact of life that she’s going to have to learn to deal with, but I’d appreciate any thoughts on conversations others had with their daughters that helped and any suggestions for books she could read that might help her thinking about it. This morning she was back in sweats and clearly feels very stressed.

Tell her something like "Oh boo hoo, you are attractive to some boys. Deal with it. At least some boys look at you, do you want to be unnoticeable and a wallflower?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD recently had an issue with two boys seated on either side of her staring at her. I told her to ask the teacher politely if her seat could be changed because she was having trouble focusing on her schoolwork. She did, and it was.

I did tell her, kindly, that when she chooses to wear fitted, shoulder- and or-belly exposing clothes, she would get more attention and there's a negative piece to that she now understands better.

Also may want to talk about a lot about who's behind designing this clothing for young girls to wear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD recently had an issue with two boys seated on either side of her staring at her. I told her to ask the teacher politely if her seat could be changed because she was having trouble focusing on her schoolwork. She did, and it was.

I did tell her, kindly, that when she chooses to wear fitted, shoulder- and or-belly exposing clothes, she would get more attention and there's a negative piece to that she now understands better.

Also may want to talk about a lot about who's behind designing this clothing for young girls to wear.

Most all clothing design is by women or bi/gay males. Is that what you are hinting at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should learn to stare right back at him, but with a scowl.

If he gets creepier, teach her to take up space and be loud. Creepy men are empowered by SHAME. She can wear what she wants and he needs to mind his business.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD recently had an issue with two boys seated on either side of her staring at her. I told her to ask the teacher politely if her seat could be changed because she was having trouble focusing on her schoolwork. She did, and it was.

I did tell her, kindly, that when she chooses to wear fitted, shoulder- and or-belly exposing clothes, she would get more attention and there's a negative piece to that she now understands better.

Also may want to talk about a lot about who's behind designing this clothing for young girls to wear.

Agreed. Young girls are confused and brainwashed by media telling them that dressing like a prostitute is empowering. They need to understand that catering to the male gaze by wearing revealing clothing is perpetuating the patriarchy and degrading themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD recently had an issue with two boys seated on either side of her staring at her. I told her to ask the teacher politely if her seat could be changed because she was having trouble focusing on her schoolwork. She did, and it was.

I did tell her, kindly, that when she chooses to wear fitted, shoulder- and or-belly exposing clothes, she would get more attention and there's a negative piece to that she now understands better.

Also may want to talk about a lot about who's behind designing this clothing for young girls to wear.

Agreed. Young girls are confused and brainwashed by media telling them that dressing like a prostitute is empowering. They need to understand that catering to the male gaze by wearing revealing clothing is perpetuating the patriarchy and degrading themselves.

Burqas for every woman then? In the past, so much as exposing hands or ankle in public was considered scandelous even among most Americans/Brits.