Teen struggling with male gaze

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before long she will also notice boys and male bodies. She will start to have crushes too and sneak peaks at boys she likes. She will realize that interest goes both ways and that there is a lot of talk in real life and online by women about men and their bodies. Her friends will start to look at boys too.

It is part of puberty and part of life.

Right-- "sneak peek". Not staring so that he notices and feels uncomfortable.

It's part of life to learn to call out inappropriate behavior. Unfortunately, girls must learn this at a young age because of boys like this.

You don't think boys have ever noticed girls staring and looking at them? That happens often. Boys and girls check out people they like or their friends like. A lot of tweens and teens are uncomfortable about what other kids do. They lack self confidence and it is uncomfortable for many to have girls / boys pay additional attention to them. This happened more to my son than my daughter at that age. He is introverted and was very uncomfortable with attention from girls. In grade 8, he didn't even want to go to school because of it.

[Anonymous]

I’m still not clear whether or not he’s just looking at her or leering and staring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still not clear whether or not he’s just looking at her or leering and staring.

The only difference is the attractiveness of the person looking.

Ugly people looking = leering, ick, ewwies
Hot people looking = oohhh yeah baby Imma put on a show for you now!

[Anonymous]

This sub had an I'd Hit That thread that was 200 pages long of just women objectifying men and commenting on their bodies.

Becoming aware of your romantic and sexual interest in others and their interest in you is biologically driven by the visible development of secondary sex characteristics. Looking to see if you are interested (mating rituals) is how all species continue to exist.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s very possible this kid has a crush on her and is staring at her bc of that not bc of a glimpse of shoulder.

It’s a subtle difference and fine that/if that still bothers her, I was just thinking that it might make it feel less threatening to her if she knew people stare at people without it being about their bare shoulders or whatever.

uncouth teens stare at the opposite sex, regardless of what they’re wearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s very possible this kid has a crush on her and is staring at her bc of that not bc of a glimpse of shoulder.

It’s a subtle difference and fine that/if that still bothers her, I was just thinking that it might make it feel less threatening to her if she knew people stare at people without it being about their bare shoulders or whatever.

uncouth teens stare at the opposite sex, regardless of what they’re wearing.

That isn't what male gaze is. It has to do with the look in the males eyes and his facial expression. It's not just looking or staring. It's like burning eyes forcing the female into his hyper-sexualized and objectifying nature. It feels completely dirty to the female, like gross and nauseating. The gaze neglects all aspects of her besides her sexuality and ability to service men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s very possible this kid has a crush on her and is staring at her bc of that not bc of a glimpse of shoulder.

It’s a subtle difference and fine that/if that still bothers her, I was just thinking that it might make it feel less threatening to her if she knew people stare at people without it being about their bare shoulders or whatever.

uncouth teens stare at the opposite sex, regardless of what they’re wearing.

That isn't what male gaze is. It has to do with the look in the males eyes and his facial expression. It's not just looking or staring. It's like burning eyes forcing the female into his hyper-sexualized and objectifying nature. It feels completely dirty to the female, like gross and nauseating. The gaze neglects all aspects of her besides her sexuality and ability to service men.

This is subjective. She can feel like he is “leering” while he may feel like he was just looking at her for a second or in her direction. If he isn’t saying anything to her, touching her, following her, etc. she needs to move on.

[Anonymous]

OP brings up one of the very most crucial issues facing our society: systemic misogyny.

But as bad as that is, it’s even worse for BIPOC women. This is truly insightful

https://www.careercontessa.com/advice/the-white-gaze-at-work/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP brings up one of the very most crucial issues facing our society: systemic misogyny.

But as bad as that is, it’s even worse for BIPOC women. This is truly insightful

https://www.careercontessa.com/advice/the-white-gaze-at-work/

Not insightful. Go start a new thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before long she will also notice boys and male bodies. She will start to have crushes too and sneak peaks at boys she likes. She will realize that interest goes both ways and that there is a lot of talk in real life and online by women about men and their bodies. Her friends will start to look at boys too.

It is part of puberty and part of life.

Right-- "sneak peek". Not staring so that he notices and feels uncomfortable.

It's part of life to learn to call out inappropriate behavior. Unfortunately, girls must learn this at a young age because of boys like this.

You don't think boys have ever noticed girls staring and looking at them? That happens often. Boys and girls check out people they like or their friends like. A lot of tweens and teens are uncomfortable about what other kids do. They lack self confidence and it is uncomfortable for many to have girls / boys pay additional attention to them. This happened more to my son than my daughter at that age. He is introverted and was very uncomfortable with attention from girls. In grade 8, he didn't even want to go to school because of it.

What total horseshit.

[Anonymous]

More evolved human's know attractive humans exist and you don't "check them out" or "stare" but your daughter needs to understand she does not inhabit the earth with similarly evolved humans, and she will need to expect neanderthal behavior.

staring is just one of many.

How do you deal with people who stand too close, or spit when they talk, or chew with their mouth open, or stare to long, or can't manage an elevator or... go on and on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s very possible this kid has a crush on her and is staring at her bc of that not bc of a glimpse of shoulder.

It’s a subtle difference and fine that/if that still bothers her, I was just thinking that it might make it feel less threatening to her if she knew people stare at people without it being about their bare shoulders or whatever.

uncouth teens stare at the opposite sex, regardless of what they’re wearing.

That isn't what male gaze is. It has to do with the look in the males eyes and his facial expression. It's not just looking or staring. It's like burning eyes forcing the female into his hyper-sexualized and objectifying nature. It feels completely dirty to the female, like gross and nauseating. The gaze neglects all aspects of her besides her sexuality and ability to service men.

And I’m saying op’s dd may be classifying this as that type of male gaze and instead it’s just the age old (and gender neutral!) custom of looking at your crush a lot.

This is not a criticism of OP’s dd at all! Shes young and could be misinterpreting the nature of the frequent looks or she could be right and he’s leering at her. In any case, it probably good to talk about w her.

[Anonymous]

Submit SSL hours for time spent being beautiful in public for the uggos to admire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my daughter for the first time is dealing with being looked at by a boy she doesn’t like. She has only in the last couple of months begun wearing any clothes more revealing than shapeless tees and shorts. Current clothes are not revealing, but sometimes show her shoulders or her chest (Altho no cleavage). She is really made uncomfortable by the fact that this boy notices her body. I think this is a fact of life that she’s going to have to learn to deal with, but I’d appreciate any thoughts on conversations others had with their daughters that helped and any suggestions for books she could read that might help her thinking about it. This morning she was back in sweats and clearly feels very stressed.

Tell her to MYOB and ignore this boy isn't talking to her.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to hear your daughter is going through this. My best friend went through leering and comments from her male peers in middle and high school. She wore baggy sweat shirts and jeans most days as a result. It wasn't until college that she started wearing form-fitting shirts. She said she ignored it and took self-defense classes to give her confidence. Perhaps taking up a martial arts class might help?