Teen struggling with male gaze

[Anonymous]

Staring is not a crime or school violation, but if done in a creepy way, which sound like it is, your DD needs to tell him to stop. The boy will most likely be mortified and will stop staring. He might now even realize he’s doing it. Also, have a talk with her about how this will continue with even strangers, because unfortunately this is the world we live in. My DD was 11 when she heard her first comment about her short volleyball shorts. It stinks and I wish I could protect her but the reality is that it will happen again. I had to tell her to cover up when not playing. The best thing to do is shame the perverts so they feel self conscious doing it again.

[Anonymous]

Is she bold enough to stare him down without blinking and deadpan face? I’ve done that. Guys always folded.

[Anonymous]

Arrest him for staring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She talks to you about how he is looking at her?

My daughter would talk to me about this for sure, not weird at all if you have a close relationship as daughter/mother.

Ok, I have an incredibly close relationship with my daughters and neither would tell me "John is staring at me in class."
Something is off about this.

Sad. Absolutely your daughter should feel self aware to notice this (guaranteed it happens) and safe and supported by you enough to bring it up. I would looking at red flags in your relationship and your views on sexuality if she isn't. My daughter brought it up many times, and with friends in the car too.

This is something they need help with and also a concern behavior if they're alone with men like this. Most of the time my daughter brought it up but a few times I did when it happened when we were together. These men are disgusting and their sick thoughts can worm their way in if women don't defend against it.

[Anonymous]

A boy used to stare at me during class. I stared right back. I have zero problem staring someone down. I'd keep staring until he looked away. We reconnected as adults with our spouses, and he had grown up and wasn't doing sh-t like that anymore.

There was another guy who would only look at our breasts when he talked to us, and I called him out on it. I'm not sure it entirely stopped him, but the calling out reduced it.

Sometimes, they are so dumb you have to bring attention to what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my sister in high school. It escalated to all kinds of not-quite-technically-illegal harassment like driving by our house revving his engine, stuff like that. But of course, one day he managed to get her alone and he groped her and forced his tongue into her mouth. You have to nip this in the bud or else they decide they can get away with escalating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my sister in high school. It escalated to all kinds of not-quite-technically-illegal harassment like driving by our house revving his engine, stuff like that. But of course, one day he managed to get her alone and he groped her and forced his tongue into her mouth. You have to nip this in the bud or else they decide they can get away with escalating.

These guys that learn this behavior and who are willing to objectify females the way they do are a huge red flag. And the earlier it gets addressed, the better. People ignore junior high boy comments and behavior then they grow up to do horrible stuff like this. Teach our girls they need to have a don't ___ with me attitude and establish their right to exist without ANY of this. I involved police over threatening behavior. Just reporting it is powerful and sends a message. Its not actually about their looks and the guys hormones. It's abuse of another person's right to exist in space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t control is someone looks at you or even stares. It’s not illegal. Tell her she needs to be secure with herself and move on.

Unless he is doing something extreme, which my your post doesn’t appear that way.

Basically this. Welcome to life.

[Anonymous]

My DD is in 5th grade and this stuff had already started at her old co-ed private when she was in 4th. There were eventually comments being made about her and other girls about their appearance, both to them and behind their backs. It was one of the reasons she was eager to move to an all-girls’ school and did. And they were in dowdy polyester uniforms so no one could make the accusation that these 9 year olds were dressing for the male gaze.

Teachers and administrators were not equipped to deal with the situation and the boys’ behavior was slippery enough that everyone found excuses to ignore it rather than have difficult conversations with them or their parents. There were a lot of boys with older boy siblings in her old grade so that may have influenced their behavior.

It has been really interesting to see the change in my DD’s demeanor since starting at her new school. Her body language and posture have improved and the anxiety that followed her like a dark cloud is gone. Her old classmates are struggling this year and during a big party at our house last week I heard them talking about how the boys have become more aggressive and obvious this year.

[Anonymous]

Before long she will also notice boys and male bodies. She will start to have crushes too and sneak peaks at boys she likes. She will realize that interest goes both ways and that there is a lot of talk in real life and online by women about men and their bodies. Her friends will start to look at boys too.

It is part of puberty and part of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She talks to you about how he is looking at her?

My daughter would talk to me about this for sure, not weird at all if you have a close relationship as daughter/mother.

Ok, I have an incredibly close relationship with my daughters and neither would tell me "John is staring at me in class."
Something is off about this.

Sad. Absolutely your daughter should feel self aware to notice this (guaranteed it happens) and safe and supported by you enough to bring it up. I would looking at red flags in your relationship and your views on sexuality if she isn't. My daughter brought it up many times, and with friends in the car too.

This is something they need help with and also a concern behavior if they're alone with men like this. Most of the time my daughter brought it up but a few times I did when it happened when we were together. These men are disgusting and their sick thoughts can worm their way in if women don't defend against it.

DP. You are crazy. I bolded one sentence, but actually, your whole post is crazy.

To the PP whose daughter wouldn’t bring this up, same here.

[Anonymous]

Stop looking at my ass please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before long she will also notice boys and male bodies. She will start to have crushes too and sneak peaks at boys she likes. She will realize that interest goes both ways and that there is a lot of talk in real life and online by women about men and their bodies. Her friends will start to look at boys too.

It is part of puberty and part of life.

Right-- "sneak peek". Not staring so that he notices and feels uncomfortable.

It's part of life to learn to call out inappropriate behavior. Unfortunately, girls must learn this at a young age because of boys like this.

[Anonymous]

Why are you guys treating this poor hormonal middle school boy like he’s R. Kelly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She talks to you about how he is looking at her?

My daughter would talk to me about this for sure, not weird at all if you have a close relationship as daughter/mother.

Ok, I have an incredibly close relationship with my daughters and neither would tell me "John is staring at me in class."
Something is off about this.

Sad. Absolutely your daughter should feel self aware to notice this (guaranteed it happens) and safe and supported by you enough to bring it up. I would looking at red flags in your relationship and your views on sexuality if she isn't. My daughter brought it up many times, and with friends in the car too.

This is something they need help with and also a concern behavior if they're alone with men like this. Most of the time my daughter brought it up but a few times I did when it happened when we were together. These men are disgusting and their sick thoughts can worm their way in if women don't defend against it.

DP. You are crazy. I bolded one sentence, but actually, your whole post is crazy.

To the PP whose daughter wouldn’t bring this up, same here.

I don't understand how you possibly think this is a good or normal thing that your daughter will not talk to you about when things like this happen in her life. This is a valuable door to have open between you. It takes a lot of conversations to teach values on healthy sexuality especially in our current society, there's a lot to undo from religion and otherwise.