My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(

[Anonymous]

People normally stay as they are. I'm sure your parents didn't suddenly turn from doting parents to avoidant and non-caring grandparents. Also as the poster above, some people are better with different age-groups. That said, both my mom and MIL suck and my kids are teens (dads have unfortunately passed away), they've always been all about themselves, so no surprises there. You're lucky to have grandparents that are actually interested in your kids, it's quite rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You’re messy OP. Stop over sharing with your in-laws.

They probably think their child married into a horrible family anyways.

Also, your parents aren’t obligated to help you with your kids.

Just another entitled Boomer who sees herself in the MIL role.

Go on another cruise, but your family doesn’t want to hear you drone on and on about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biggest issue is your ILs judging your parents. That's not right. But I'm not sure if you just think they're judging them or if they have actually said of done anything. I think you just have to expect your parents to be the way they are. Your not going to change them. Just be thankful your in-laws are more involved and more helpful. I can't think of a lot of families that have two sets of involved grandparents.

I have no problem with them judging my parents. I am not upset about that. I’m judging my parents as well. I just feel bad for my ILs because it makes them sad that it seems like my family doesn’t care about the grandkids.

Why do your ILs care so much? It has no bearing on the relationship they have with the kids. In fact, it makes them the automatic favorites. ILs need to mind their own business. This is not their issue and you need to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You’re messy OP. Stop over sharing with your in-laws.

They probably think their child married into a horrible family anyways.

Also, your parents aren’t obligated to help you with your kids.

Americans are so selfish. This is why I didn’t marry one. They feel no obligation to their family and don’t give a crap about their children or grandchildren. Everything is just about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biggest issue is your ILs judging your parents. That's not right. But I'm not sure if you just think they're judging them or if they have actually said of done anything. I think you just have to expect your parents to be the way they are. Your not going to change them. Just be thankful your in-laws are more involved and more helpful. I can't think of a lot of families that have two sets of involved grandparents.

I have no problem with them judging my parents. I am not upset about that. I’m judging my parents as well. I just feel bad for my ILs because it makes them sad that it seems like my family doesn’t care about the grandkids.

Why do your ILs care so much? It has no bearing on the relationship they have with the kids. In fact, it makes them the automatic favorites. ILs need to mind their own business. This is not their issue and you need to get over it.

They never have said anything about it to me. I just know they feel this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is me and my husband (my parents are great, his useless).

You need to stop seeing the big difference between as making the problem bigger. You're phrasing this like it'd be better if they all were useless, cause at least it'd be fair and you wouldn't be as angry? But that's crazy. Stop comparing.

Your in-laws are amazing grandparents. That's FABULOUS. You've won the in-law lottery. Embrace it! Embrace them! Heck, my husband just took two of our kids to go see my parents at their house WITHOUT ME. Lean in! How wonderful for your kids, how wonderful for you. No but. Full stop.

Your parents aren't involve grandparents. Okay. A bummer, sure, but people are different. They're not going to help. You should set boundaries and clear expectations so they don't make things worse, and enjoy whatever visits or whatever they do give. it's okay to be disappointed, and even to express that disappointment (once!). But then you need to work on letting it go. Not everyone is cut out to be a fab grandparent. They're visiting sometimes? They're not actively undermining your parenting? You don't feel obligated to financially support them? Then frankly, they are right in the meaty part of the curve for grandparenting. Keep your expectations low, enjoy what you can, try and let go of the anger.

+1. I think if one set is fabulous and the other isn't actively making life worse (for example, making bad financial decisions after you tell them it's a bad idea and then expecting you to fix it- this is one real example from my life, and I have many more), then you won the LOTTERY.

Enjoy your parents in small doses and let the rest go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is me and my husband (my parents are great, his useless).

You need to stop seeing the big difference between as making the problem bigger. You're phrasing this like it'd be better if they all were useless, cause at least it'd be fair and you wouldn't be as angry? But that's crazy. Stop comparing.

Your in-laws are amazing grandparents. That's FABULOUS. You've won the in-law lottery. Embrace it! Embrace them! Heck, my husband just took two of our kids to go see my parents at their house WITHOUT ME. Lean in! How wonderful for your kids, how wonderful for you. No but. Full stop.

Your parents aren't involve grandparents. Okay. A bummer, sure, but people are different. They're not going to help. You should set boundaries and clear expectations so they don't make things worse, and enjoy whatever visits or whatever they do give. it's okay to be disappointed, and even to express that disappointment (once!). But then you need to work on letting it go. Not everyone is cut out to be a fab grandparent. They're visiting sometimes? They're not actively undermining your parenting? You don't feel obligated to financially support them? Then frankly, they are right in the meaty part of the curve for grandparenting. Keep your expectations low, enjoy what you can, try and let go of the anger.

+1. I think if one set is fabulous and the other isn't actively making life worse (for example, making bad financial decisions after you tell them it's a bad idea and then expecting you to fix it- this is one real example from my life, and I have many more), then you won the LOTTERY.

Enjoy your parents in small doses and let the rest go.

They also have no retirement savings and are terrible with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is me and my husband (my parents are great, his useless).

You need to stop seeing the big difference between as making the problem bigger. You're phrasing this like it'd be better if they all were useless, cause at least it'd be fair and you wouldn't be as angry? But that's crazy. Stop comparing.

Your in-laws are amazing grandparents. That's FABULOUS. You've won the in-law lottery. Embrace it! Embrace them! Heck, my husband just took two of our kids to go see my parents at their house WITHOUT ME. Lean in! How wonderful for your kids, how wonderful for you. No but. Full stop.

Your parents aren't involve grandparents. Okay. A bummer, sure, but people are different. They're not going to help. You should set boundaries and clear expectations so they don't make things worse, and enjoy whatever visits or whatever they do give. it's okay to be disappointed, and even to express that disappointment (once!). But then you need to work on letting it go. Not everyone is cut out to be a fab grandparent. They're visiting sometimes? They're not actively undermining your parenting? You don't feel obligated to financially support them? Then frankly, they are right in the meaty part of the curve for grandparenting. Keep your expectations low, enjoy what you can, try and let go of the anger.

+1. I think if one set is fabulous and the other isn't actively making life worse (for example, making bad financial decisions after you tell them it's a bad idea and then expecting you to fix it- this is one real example from my life, and I have many more), then you won the LOTTERY.

Enjoy your parents in small doses and let the rest go.

They also have no retirement savings and are terrible with money.

You clearly hate your parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biggest issue is your ILs judging your parents. That's not right. But I'm not sure if you just think they're judging them or if they have actually said of done anything. I think you just have to expect your parents to be the way they are. Your not going to change them. Just be thankful your in-laws are more involved and more helpful. I can't think of a lot of families that have two sets of involved grandparents.

I have no problem with them judging my parents. I am not upset about that. I’m judging my parents as well. I just feel bad for my ILs because it makes them sad that it seems like my family doesn’t care about the grandkids.

Why do your ILs care so much? It has no bearing on the relationship they have with the kids. In fact, it makes them the automatic favorites. ILs need to mind their own business. This is not their issue and you need to get over it.

They never have said anything about it to me. I just know they feel this way.

You can't read minds.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have a spending issue. They should not be providing significant financial support. There is more to this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is me and my husband (my parents are great, his useless).

You need to stop seeing the big difference between as making the problem bigger. You're phrasing this like it'd be better if they all were useless, cause at least it'd be fair and you wouldn't be as angry? But that's crazy. Stop comparing.

Your in-laws are amazing grandparents. That's FABULOUS. You've won the in-law lottery. Embrace it! Embrace them! Heck, my husband just took two of our kids to go see my parents at their house WITHOUT ME. Lean in! How wonderful for your kids, how wonderful for you. No but. Full stop.

Your parents aren't involve grandparents. Okay. A bummer, sure, but people are different. They're not going to help. You should set boundaries and clear expectations so they don't make things worse, and enjoy whatever visits or whatever they do give. it's okay to be disappointed, and even to express that disappointment (once!). But then you need to work on letting it go. Not everyone is cut out to be a fab grandparent. They're visiting sometimes? They're not actively undermining your parenting? You don't feel obligated to financially support them? Then frankly, they are right in the meaty part of the curve for grandparenting. Keep your expectations low, enjoy what you can, try and let go of the anger.

+1. I think if one set is fabulous and the other isn't actively making life worse (for example, making bad financial decisions after you tell them it's a bad idea and then expecting you to fix it- this is one real example from my life, and I have many more), then you won the LOTTERY.

Enjoy your parents in small doses and let the rest go.

They also have no retirement savings and are terrible with money.

You are terrible with money too if your inlaws are funding your lifestyle.e. Grow up. You should help your parents.

[Anonymous]

This is such a far cry from parents who “suck.” Yours are just not super involved, and that’s their choice. Theyre done raising kids, are probably retired, and get to do what they want with their limited time. Let’s say they *were* in your face 24/7 rushing to your service to help, but on their imperfect and particular terms…..is that really what you want? Just be happy your lucked out w the IL lottery, stop comparing, live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is me and my husband (my parents are great, his useless).

You need to stop seeing the big difference between as making the problem bigger. You're phrasing this like it'd be better if they all were useless, cause at least it'd be fair and you wouldn't be as angry? But that's crazy. Stop comparing.

Your in-laws are amazing grandparents. That's FABULOUS. You've won the in-law lottery. Embrace it! Embrace them! Heck, my husband just took two of our kids to go see my parents at their house WITHOUT ME. Lean in! How wonderful for your kids, how wonderful for you. No but. Full stop.

Your parents aren't involve grandparents. Okay. A bummer, sure, but people are different. They're not going to help. You should set boundaries and clear expectations so they don't make things worse, and enjoy whatever visits or whatever they do give. it's okay to be disappointed, and even to express that disappointment (once!). But then you need to work on letting it go. Not everyone is cut out to be a fab grandparent. They're visiting sometimes? They're not actively undermining your parenting? You don't feel obligated to financially support them? Then frankly, they are right in the meaty part of the curve for grandparenting. Keep your expectations low, enjoy what you can, try and let go of the anger.

+1. I think if one set is fabulous and the other isn't actively making life worse (for example, making bad financial decisions after you tell them it's a bad idea and then expecting you to fix it- this is one real example from my life, and I have many more), then you won the LOTTERY.

Enjoy your parents in small doses and let the rest go.

They also have no retirement savings and are terrible with money.

But do they make it your problem or ask for money?

[Anonymous]

Some people want to be active in day to lives of their grandchildren and some want to be vacation and holiday grandparents. Both come with positives and negatives.

How many other grandchildren do your parents have and how many other grandchildren do your in-laws have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your in-laws are completely out of line if they're judging your parents. That's rude.

This.