16 year old son doesn't handle dating well

[Anonymous]

He really shouldn't be dating if he can't handle it. Maybe he needs a little therapy, OP, if you feel you can't talk to him about this.

[Anonymous]

I think he needs some advice from a friend that is a girl. Does he have any? A big sister would be ideal. You might also encourage self-reflection by asking him what "good" dating relationships are like for kids his age? This will only work if the topic comes up somehow (i.e. he mentions A and B are dating or broke up).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He becomes too clingy and is constantly texting and asking to see the girls he dates and always winds up getting dumped. He largely ignores his guy friends when he is dating and then when he is dumped he is depressed and isolated until he can rekindle those friendships. We've sent him to a therapist, which doesn't help. I don't feel like I can tell him that he is forbidden from dating as a 16 year old, but I wish I could because this dynamic is not healthy for him. What can I reasonably do that I haven't already done besides talking to him and sending him to the therapist?

This is normal adolescent human behavior.

[Anonymous]

He needs to learn and grow. My DH would definitely be taking to him. We only have boys so this already has been a conversation. You can’t add value to a relationship if you don’t have anything going on for yourself. If you don’t have interests or be able to maintain your own friendships, why would a girl want you? Becoming obsessed just makes you weak and a simp and a girl is definitely not going to want you then. It is very basic stuff. Be your own person and make sure that’s a good person. And it doesn’t hurt to go to the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 girlfriends already and he’s only 16? Wtf.

yeah, this is kind of unusually early. I have 3 teens--one started dating at 18, one has never dated at 19.

No, sorry that is weird AF to not have a first date until after high school

It’s more common nowadays than you think. Not “weird AF.”

No I agree. That's very unusual. Maybe there are more anxious introverts just at home on their phone looking at porn, but no most kids date and hook-up in high school. Going into college never having kissed someone is not common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He becomes too clingy and is constantly texting and asking to see the girls he dates and always winds up getting dumped. He largely ignores his guy friends when he is dating and then when he is dumped he is depressed and isolated until he can rekindle those friendships. We've sent him to a therapist, which doesn't help. I don't feel like I can tell him that he is forbidden from dating as a 16 year old, but I wish I could because this dynamic is not healthy for him. What can I reasonably do that I haven't already done besides talking to him and sending him to the therapist?

This is normal adolescent human behavior.

No it isn't. One time maybe, but not three. This is a pattern and he needs to break it before being in any more relationships. Sounds like anxiety and people pleasing traits

[Anonymous]

Every other girl is just like your son and they all figure it out (or not) but there isn’t much one can do. It just needs to happen. Heck my 38yo friend is figuring out rn that it’s not a good idea to ditch friends for a new guy (she was married in her early 20s and has little dating awareness).

[Anonymous]

See I don’t think it’s fine to let kids figure it. Three times in a row without a lesson learned is behavior. Does he have any diagnosis or anxiety OP?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s his overbearing boy-mom that makes the girls dump your sweet baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He becomes too clingy and is constantly texting and asking to see the girls he dates and always winds up getting dumped. He largely ignores his guy friends when he is dating and then when he is dumped he is depressed and isolated until he can rekindle those friendships. We've sent him to a therapist, which doesn't help. I don't feel like I can tell him that he is forbidden from dating as a 16 year old, but I wish I could because this dynamic is not healthy for him. What can I reasonably do that I haven't already done besides talking to him and sending him to the therapist?

OP, why would you send him to a therapist for this? Where the hell is his father? Can't he teach him what he's doing wrong?

Her kid is borderline Domestic Violence
Stalker that’s why

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s his overbearing boy-mom that makes the girls dump your sweet baby.

Good point. Boys who are momma boys and too close to their moms often have relationship issues like this.

[Anonymous]

Three times in a row without a lesson learned is behavior. Does he have any diagnosis or anxiety OP?

Yes, he has a diagnosis of anxiety and a 504 plan that lets him do any required oral presentations one on one with a teacher due to it.

[Anonymous]

We don’t encourage or permit dating in high school. Leads to absolutely nowhere and no good outcomes ever.

Geez. I had a total of 2 boyfriends in high school and one of them is still a friend. The other I have no issues with but we just drifted apart over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Three times in a row without a lesson learned is behavior. Does he have any diagnosis or anxiety OP?

Yes, he has a diagnosis of anxiety and a 504 plan that lets him do any required oral presentations one on one with a teacher due to it.

Talk with him about the anxiety piece.

Help him recognize that relationships of all kinds involve uncertainty - in part because no matter how much people like each other, they’re still two separate people. This means they’re never going to be perfectly aligned on all things at all times, and there’s never any certainty about exactly how things will go.

That unpredictability is a feature, not a bug. It’s part of what we all sign up for when we form relationships with other people. But it can be VERY hard for people with anxiety to live with uncertainty. But seeking constant reassurance or contact etc. from a partner or friend is not the answer. It drives people away.

Encourage DC to take a break from dating for the next three months and focus instead on his platonic friendships. At the same time, have him continue therapy re his anxiety. He needs to be more flexible in the face of uncertainty (“get more comfortable being uncomfortable”) before trying again with a new girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He becomes too clingy and is constantly texting and asking to see the girls he dates and always winds up getting dumped. He largely ignores his guy friends when he is dating and then when he is dumped he is depressed and isolated until he can rekindle those friendships. We've sent him to a therapist, which doesn't help. I don't feel like I can tell him that he is forbidden from dating as a 16 year old, but I wish I could because this dynamic is not healthy for him. What can I reasonably do that I haven't already done besides talking to him and sending him to the therapist?

Why is he dating then? Maybe he’s too young emotionally. My 18 yo about to go to college son isn’t dating yet. What’s the rush? He’s still a puppy!