16 year old son doesn't handle dating well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 girlfriends already and he’s only 16? Wtf.

This. The kid is too immature to date at this point.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird that you sent him to therapy for how he dates, but whatever. He is a red flag. He is possessive. I would warn my daughter away from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 girlfriends already and he’s only 16? Wtf.

yeah, this is kind of unusually early. I have 3 teens--one started dating at 18, one has never dated at 19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 girlfriends already and he’s only 16? Wtf.

yeah, this is kind of unusually early. I have 3 teens--one started dating at 18, one has never dated at 19.

Agree. That's really young. My 16-year-old has no interest in dating yet, and I'm perfectly happy if he doesn't date at all in high school. My older two didn't start until 17ish (Junior year in HS), and it was never anything serious.

[Anonymous]

Therapy wasn't the answer and maybe shows something else is broken. If you resort to that, maybe your ability to relate to people (like your son) is delayed? I know that's harsh and I'm sorry if this is way off. But I can't imagine not having some casual chats about this with my kids. Not to lecture or give advice, but to just talk.

[Anonymous]

People saying OP should stay out of it are wrong. The parent’s job is to guide their teen on how to be in a healthy relationship. I do agree that already having 3 girlfriends by 16 is a lot and I also worry that he will become possessive/controlling if not given guidance.

[Anonymous]

My son is similar (he’s in college and has only had 1 gf, but handled the relationship similarly). My son isn’t a controlling person at all - if anything, he was controlled by his gf. But he was needy, which is what it sounds like OP’s son is like. And as a human, I know that I would not like a needy partner!

I think being needy in a relationship shows signs of lack of self esteem, and difficulty making connections with peers.

So I do think it is part of a parent’s job to coach their kids in this arena, whether it be bc their kid is needy or bossy or whatever in relationships.

[Anonymous]

Not normal at all. He is low on whatever feel good hormone he gets from it. Taking something too far is not ok, but why is he doing it?
You sure you didn't leave something out.

[Anonymous]

He needs to build up his self-esteem and, as PP said, deeper and more nurturing relationships with his friends. And drill the lesson that you never dump your friends when you’re in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP didn't say that her kid has had 3 girlfriends, just that he has gone out with 3 girls. It sounds like he's taking casual dating more seriously than the girls are, getting clingy, thus ensuring no further dates with the girls.

OP should provide guidance on relationships, and it sounds like he needs help just generally, as he doesn't have any good male friends either, and the ones he has, he tosses over for whatever new girl catches his fancy. OP, he might take this all better from peers rather than parents/adults. Does he have any female friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How many girlfriends has he had?

Three. I also don't understand how he becomes so emotionally involved given that their hanging out is primarily at school, getting food, or going to movies.

3 by 16 doesn’t seem extreme to me, but maybe I’m using an outdated yardstick.

[Anonymous]

Three. I also don't understand how he becomes so emotionally involved given that their hanging out is primarily at school, getting food, or going to movies.


3 by 16 doesn’t seem extreme to me, but maybe I’m using an outdated yardstick.

I think people may be ascribing a more serious meaning to the term girlfriend than the actual situation with these young ladies sounds like it entailed. It sounds like they went out on some dates and OP's son got overly invested.

[Anonymous]

He needs to go find group activity, volunteer work, etc., that includes both males and females without having to be “dating.”

He does a volunteer activity and school club. The volunteer activity he does with a female friendly acquaintance and a male friend. The school club skews male, fairly hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He becomes too clingy and is constantly texting and asking to see the girls he dates and always winds up getting dumped. He largely ignores his guy friends when he is dating and then when he is dumped he is depressed and isolated until he can rekindle those friendships. We've sent him to a therapist, which doesn't help. I don't feel like I can tell him that he is forbidden from dating as a 16 year old, but I wish I could because this dynamic is not healthy for him. What can I reasonably do that I haven't already done besides talking to him and sending him to the therapist?

Yeah, he needs to deal with that. My DD went on ONE DATE with a boy and he started texting/FT'ing and being just too familiar almost immediately. She tried to set some boundaries (e.g., I'm with friends tonight, I'll not be able to talk to you until the morning) and he didn't respect it. Then just FREAKED out when she cut it off: showing up with flowers, implying he'd hurt himself, etc.

The next boy was more of a BF but, again, he said she needed to "text me more and see me more." Not unreasonable, necessarily, but they are parting ways for college anyway and she is getting ready for that, for a tough curriculum, etc. I get he was feeling uneasy and got clingy in response. But it was way too much. So she broke up with him.

Clingy, in a man or a woman, is just not an attractive quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People saying OP should stay out of it are wrong. The parent’s job is to guide their teen on how to be in a healthy relationship. I do agree that already having 3 girlfriends by 16 is a lot and I also worry that he will become possessive/controlling if not given guidance.

Agree with this. This is what a parent is SUPPOSED to do. Guide your children.