Pre-nup or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SO and I are late 20s. I'm in tech, earn and saved well. Net worth is approaching $1M (no house). SO is in medical residency, has close to no net worth and will likely be in that state (specialization, etc.) for a while. We currently live together, vibe well and talking about marriage. I foot all the bills (except for share of rent which SO's parents pay).

Assuming we get married, once SO starts working, I'll have to take a secondary role - move to where their job would be, be the primary caregiver for any kids, step down on my career track, etc. all of which I'm OK with. At the same time I'm concerned (having see it happen) that if we were to get divorced at some point, I'd end up splitting my net worth prior to marriage and get close to nothing from SO's savings. SO does come from a wealthy family (only child) and is set to inherit a lot more than what I would inherit or save.

Wondering if I should consider a pre-nup.. Would growth on my net worth also be covered by the pre-nup typically? Looking for thoughts from folks who may have gone through a similar situation before.

I don’t see anything special about the above, needing a prenup.

Doctors are in school until age 30, finance and tech people make increasingly good money, both will be high income in ages 30-45.

Sounds like a good team.

Asking for a prenup sounds pretentious and stupid. Keep your previous bank accounts and assets separate if you are so worried about your future options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do a pre-nup and he starts making bank, when you divorce do you get your measly $1M only because you insisted on that?

Agree.

$1m will be laughable rounding error for a dual income couple like this. Especially if half of it was from bull market gains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone arguing against prenups simply don’t understand the law. It’s smart for both sides.

It’s unnecessary here.

op sounds like a jerk even considering it.

But hey, go spend $5k with an estate attorney

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

[Anonymous]

Get a financial planner if and when you get married. You seem focused in the wrong things.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not sure it's in your interests to ask for a pre nup. Your fiancé is the one with family money and the higher earning power. Guarantee if you ask for a pre nup, her family attorneys will make sure her family wealth assets are even more protected than they likely already are. Just keep your premarital assets separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Hi OP - I have two thoughts on your situation.

1) if you are thinking these thoughts about a pre-nup, you are not really in love with this woman and probably should not get married. I bet you will get divorced.

2). Your plan to "step back" from your career and take care of the kids sounds pretty dumb. Do you not have motivation to maximize your potential in life?

I'm not very impressed with the way you have described yourself and your future.

Agree with both points.

Wrong mindset especially when not already a HNW or business owner.

Wrong and fixed mindset about how to run a dual income household. Nannies, preschool, housekeepers, grandparents, flexible tech jobs, WFH.

Your goal should be to get so valuable and senior in your industry you can call the shots more - location, wfh, shift hours, delegate more, etc.

[Anonymous]

Tails I Win Heads I Win pre-nup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

Yeah when he updated with his "medium view" prenup we could all tell he's not in this completely. Don't get married looking for a Plan B or an escape route. that just sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

Yeah when he updated with his "medium view" prenup we could all tell he's not in this completely. Don't get married looking for a Plan B or an escape route. that just sucks.

So.. you recommend he walk into it, change his life and run the risk of divorce and just share what he has now with her? I bet you are neither a divorce lawyer nor a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

As a woman, I would never sign a prenup. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SO and I are late 20s. I'm in tech, earn and saved well. Net worth is approaching $1M (no house). SO is in medical residency, has close to no net worth and will likely be in that state (specialization, etc.) for a while. We currently live together, vibe well and talking about marriage. I foot all the bills (except for share of rent which SO's parents pay).

Assuming we get married, once SO starts working, I'll have to take a secondary role - move to where their job would be, be the primary caregiver for any kids, step down on my career track, etc. all of which I'm OK with. At the same time I'm concerned (having see it happen) that if we were to get divorced at some point, I'd end up splitting my net worth prior to marriage and get close to nothing from SO's savings. SO does come from a wealthy family (only child) and is set to inherit a lot more than what I would inherit or save.

Wondering if I should consider a pre-nup.. Would growth on my net worth also be covered by the pre-nup typically? Looking for thoughts from folks who may have gone through a similar situation before.

I don’t see anything special about the above, needing a prenup.

Doctors are in school until age 30, finance and tech people make increasingly good money, both will be high income in ages 30-45.

Sounds like a good team.

Asking for a prenup sounds pretentious and stupid. Keep your previous bank accounts and assets separate if you are so worried about your future options.

Spoken like a poor person.

Protect yourself op. Anyone who balks at this doesn’t understand the big picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

That is nonsense. I am a woman and also felt this way.

As it turned out, my spouse was disabled shortly after we married and I have been the sole earner for 20 years. So: not selfish, either.

Take your 50s gender ish elsewhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

NP. I feel that everybody should have a pre-nup because it’s essentially forced financial counseling in advance of marriage and gets issues out that might remain hidden otherwise. This is a situation where you had better be very clear your expectations are aligned.

Exactly.

Same reason I refused to get a vasectomy after kids in my first marriage. Want to keep my options open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Many of us knew you were male.

Because only a male would write and ask this.

“10-15 years once we have many millions ill feel comfortable putting in my stuff from my 20s” lol. You are too selfish to be getting married. You had better decide quickly if you want to bean count or build a life together with someone.

Did OP seriously say they’re not going to commingle their after tax income or investments (of only $1m) until AFTER 10-15 years of marriage!?!?

Wowzers. Good luck buying a house and keeping anyone around with that attitude.