Pre-nup or not?

[Anonymous]

SO and I are late 20s. I'm in tech, earn and saved well. Net worth is approaching $1M (no house). SO is in medical residency, has close to no net worth and will likely be in that state (specialization, etc.) for a while. We currently live together, vibe well and talking about marriage. I foot all the bills (except for share of rent which SO's parents pay).

Assuming we get married, once SO starts working, I'll have to take a secondary role - move to where their job would be, be the primary caregiver for any kids, step down on my career track, etc. all of which I'm OK with. At the same time I'm concerned (having see it happen) that if we were to get divorced at some point, I'd end up splitting my net worth prior to marriage and get close to nothing from SO's savings. SO does come from a wealthy family (only child) and is set to inherit a lot more than what I would inherit or save.

Wondering if I should consider a pre-nup.. Would growth on my net worth also be covered by the pre-nup typically? Looking for thoughts from folks who may have gone through a similar situation before.

[Anonymous]

Oh please, you're not a Kardashian. just keep what you already have in a separate account under your own name and go from there.

[Anonymous]

oh and just remember that you don't get his inheritance either

[Anonymous]

I’m not sensing he’s solid marriage material. He sounds entitled. Has he ever had jobs? Has his mother waited on him hand and foot? Please reconsider.

[Anonymous]

You should absolutely discuss a pre-nup with your partner. You should each find a lawyer and discuss parameters. It's a very normal thing to do with someone of your means and your partner's needs. Don't let DCUM shame you. I wish I had a pre-nup.

[Anonymous]

Why would you split net worth you earned before marriage if you divorced? Thats not marital assets.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should get a prenup. Your premarital assets should be fine. But if your career goes to the wayside due to children, you should insure that if you divorce you’ll be financially provided for until your children graduate HS. Even if you divorce and begin to work again, you’ll always be the primary parent if your spouse is a surgeon for example.

[Anonymous]

"that if we were to get divorced at some point, I'd end up splitting my net worth prior to marriage and get close to nothing from SO's savings."

I'm so confused. Why are you assuming this? What savings of your SO's are you referring to?

And why are you supporting someone you aren't married to right now?

[Anonymous]

It’s the right idea to consider but you can also avoid the discussion by keeping your separate assets protected before marriage. Just keep thfm separate accounts, document everything and refrain from combining them with any marital funds. Open a new joint brokerage account on the day you get married and deposit any new savings into that account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sensing he’s solid marriage material. He sounds entitled. Has he ever had jobs? Has his mother waited on him hand and foot? Please reconsider.

He's a medical resident! If has close to zero in net worth rather than negative $500k in student loan debt then he's better than most of us peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sensing he’s solid marriage material. He sounds entitled. Has he ever had jobs? Has his mother waited on him hand and foot? Please reconsider.

Why do you assume the other party is male? Re-reading OP, there's no indication that the SO is male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sensing he’s solid marriage material. He sounds entitled. Has he ever had jobs? Has his mother waited on him hand and foot? Please reconsider.

He's a medical resident! If has close to zero in net worth rather than negative $500k in student loan debt then he's better than most of us peers.

This 1000%. Most surgeons/doctors (that require more than the normal residency) are 30+ before they start making decent money. Otherwise they are working long hours for minimal salary (and constantly on call/working weekends &holidays). So yes, even without loans (which most have), they will be 35+ before they are financially stable and start saving well.

This is why unless you absolutely love being a doctor and want to, you can be much better off as an engineer or something else where you only need a BS (or at most a MS) and start earning $80K+ at 22 and continue to grow from there. A good engineer will be at $200K+ by 30.

[Anonymous]

I think everybody that gets married should write up a prenup because laws changed depending on what state you live in and I really don’t think the government should be deciding how to divide assets.

Do it while you still love each other instead of when you hate each other.

[Anonymous]

You probably don't need a prenup to protect your premarital assets, and I think there is some relationship cost to insisting on one. The default rules are fine in most jurisdictions for most people.

[Anonymous]

Not necessary. Keep your premarital assets separate.

If you’re female and your partner is male and a medical resident, be careful about quitting to care for kids. I have several friends in that situation who are now very unhappy in their forties. Male physicians tend to be very conventional and easily convinced that their wives should do everything domestic. It seems to be a more retro dynamic than SAHM and WOHD who are in other fields.