Pre-nup or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SO and I are late 20s. I'm in tech, earn and saved well. Net worth is approaching $1M (no house). SO is in medical residency, has close to no net worth and will likely be in that state (specialization, etc.) for a while. We currently live together, vibe well and talking about marriage. I foot all the bills (except for share of rent which SO's parents pay).

Assuming we get married, once SO starts working, I'll have to take a secondary role - move to where their job would be, be the primary caregiver for any kids, step down on my career track, etc. all of which I'm OK with. At the same time I'm concerned (having see it happen) that if we were to get divorced at some point, I'd end up splitting my net worth prior to marriage and get close to nothing from SO's savings. SO does come from a wealthy family (only child) and is set to inherit a lot more than what I would inherit or save.

Wondering if I should consider a pre-nup.. Would growth on my net worth also be covered by the pre-nup typically? Looking for thoughts from folks who may have gone through a similar situation before.

Why?

And why are you ok with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If not a prenup, then keep every single, solitary premarital asset separate, and never move it, change it or add a dollar to it or take a dollar out of it. Before you get married, put it in a simple market index fund or similar that you never have to touch again.
and then print and keep all statements from the month prior to your marriage in a couple safe places to reference in the future if needed (in divorce)

Keep everything in your maiden name (in fact I highly recommend never changing your name).

Good luck and I hope for all young women that you never ever get to the point I'm at where your cheating husband tries to take all of your assets in divorce

+1

Don't commingle those funds.

[Anonymous]

Lol, OP is in her 20s and already planning on quitting her job and living off her surgeon husband’s $700,000 income for the next 60 years—but is very concerned that he not get access to any of her six-figure net worth!

On a totally unrelated note, I wonder why women are having such a hard time in the dating market and find that the men they would like to marry prefer instead to “pump and dump“ them. It’s a real mystery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do a pre-nup and he starts making bank, when you divorce do you get your measly $1M only because you insisted on that?

You can customize the terms to adjust for future income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, OP is in her 20s and already planning on quitting her job and living off her surgeon husband’s $700,000 income for the next 60 years—but is very concerned that he not get access to any of her six-figure net worth!

On a totally unrelated note, I wonder why women are having such a hard time in the dating market and find that the men they would like to marry prefer instead to “pump and dump“ them. It’s a real mystery.

Yikes, you are an awful person. I hope you don’t have children to pass on these inferior genes.

[Anonymous]

Anyone arguing against prenups simply don’t understand the law. It’s smart for both sides.

[Anonymous]

Prenup can protect your premarital worth which is significant. As a woman who wants to have kids and be primary parent eventually, yes I recommend you get a prenup. Have it protect your premarital assets and then everything after marriage is split equally.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should get a prenup. Your premarital assets should be fine. But if your career goes to the wayside due to children, you should insure that if you divorce you’ll be financially provided for until your children graduate HS. Even if you divorce and begin to work again, you’ll always be the primary parent if your spouse is a surgeon for example.

eh not necessarily. Some household have both parents as surgeons or 2 demanding careers. Would you assume the mum to be primary parent in those households? A bit misogynistic, no?

Why are you assuming mothers would be the primary parent? I didn’t mention gender. You’re a bit misogynistic, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

You don’t need a prenup to accomplish this. How the premarital assets are subsequently titled, and whether they are commingled, does this work.

What you are describing wanting to do is the default condition when you maintain the assets separately from any marital asset. Ask a lawyer to confirm this for your location, ofc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, OP is in her 20s and already planning on quitting her job and living off her surgeon husband’s $700,000 income for the next 60 years—but is very concerned that he not get access to any of her six-figure net worth!

On a totally unrelated note, I wonder why women are having such a hard time in the dating market and find that the men they would like to marry prefer instead to “pump and dump“ them. It’s a real mystery.

This aged poorly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

Hi OP - I have two thoughts on your situation. 1) if you are thinking these thoughts about a pre-nup, you are not really in love with this woman and probably should not get married. I bet you will get divorced. 2). Your plan to "step back" from your career and take care of the kids sounds pretty dumb. Do you not have motivation to maximize your potential in life?

I'm not very impressed with the way you have described yourself and your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I saw a lot of sexist/misogynistic posts. To clarify, I'm the man in the relationship and SO is female.

Both of us understand that her income will be higher soon after she starts working and it makes sense to prioritize that. The assumptions I have made about stepping down at work, etc. are only if I have to.. i.e. No kids, nothing happens. If I can work remote or her job is at a location where my company operates, I transfer, etc. If we do have kids, I will absolutely step down to a very high WLB job to prioritize kids. We have seen how a few other families with two high-income/high-stress jobs operate and that's not for us.

My intention with the pre-nup was to be able to control my funds should things go wrong in the medium-term, not necessarily corral those funds as 'mine' forever. Any income we make during our marriage would be shared 50/50 regardless of who makes it. 10-15 years down the road, I expect out marital assets to more than exceed my personal assets at which point I have no issues co-mingling everything.

NP. I feel that everybody should have a pre-nup because it’s essentially forced financial counseling in advance of marriage and gets issues out that might remain hidden otherwise. This is a situation where you had better be very clear your expectations are aligned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the right idea to consider but you can also avoid the discussion by keeping your separate assets protected before marriage. Just keep thfm separate accounts, document everything and refrain from combining them with any marital funds. Open a new joint brokerage account on the day you get married and deposit any new savings into that account.

Do this.

Keep documentation and emails in all the career and monetary sacrifices you make for this potential spouse.

Make sure the kids are well provided for via trusts or wills. And protected from future spouses’ kids or new kids.

[Anonymous]

Most states you don’t split net worth pretty much marriage.

My buddy at 43 rich married a very hot 34 year old women, he had loft in Soho, Porsche, maxing out 401k since 21 and maybe two stocks. She was worth zero.

In NY she is not entitled any assets pre marriage. She is entitle half his income while married and 1/2 appreciation gains on assets while married.

Why would she sign a pre nup? He is not Tom
Cruise, Jeff Bezos etc.

Guess what that was 19 years ago, Porsche sold, soho loft sold, all money intermingled, they had three kids. She still does not work.

You sound similar