Getting married out of college?

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of friends who were dating the person of their dreams 20-24 but broke up because they were "too young." And then it never happened for them again. I've heard others say it a lot too that they'd met the right girl, but at the wrong time and they weren't ready to settle down. I think millennials had the wrong idea about marriage. You can marry and it's not the end of fun or the end of the world. Maybe Gen Z will have it better figured out.

I personally met dh at 21 and we married with a lot of resistance at 25. Everyone said we were too young. We are still very happily married at 40. We didn't have kids until our 30s which I think is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are starter marriages. Too immature to know what they want in life, it's hard, divorce and move on.

Marriage is hard, period. Whether you are 22 or 32. Either way, you likely haven’t known the person you are marrying for very long. Plus knowing someone as a single person with no kids, there is no telling how someone will become in the trenches of a decade married with three kids. Personally I think marrying younger gives you a chance at a slightly better outcome. When people (women) marry in their 30s, there is usually some element of pressure they are running out of time to find a mate. They are more likely to settle for “good enough.” As where, if you are early 20s and want to marry, chances are it’s because you feel you’ve found the best person ever, there cant possibly be better fit for you, and you want to commit now. The other benefit to marrying young, if it doesn’t work out, you are much younger going back into the dating pool for round two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of friends who were dating the person of their dreams 20-24 but broke up because they were "too young." And then it never happened for them again. I've heard others say it a lot too that they'd met the right girl, but at the wrong time and they weren't ready to settle down. I think millennials had the wrong idea about marriage. You can marry and it's not the end of fun or the end of the world. Maybe Gen Z will have it better figured out.

I personally met dh at 21 and we married with a lot of resistance at 25. Everyone said we were too young. We are still very happily married at 40. We didn't have kids until our 30s which I think is key.

How did you end up posting in a college forum if your kids are so young?

[Anonymous]

My 24 year old has three friends already married, one with a baby born about 10 months after the wedding. This set of friends tends to be more religious, so I think that's part of it, though my kid tells me there is a trend, at least among that group.

I'm not aware of any weddings in my 22 year old's group of friends who just graduated. Several of them are still trying to figure out their careers. My kid has a serious girlfriend but is embarking on a year of grad school and then CPA exams. The girlfriend also has grad school plans. No idea if they will even end up in the same city, though it wouldn't shock me if they ended up together.

I was 28 and my spouse was 30 when we married after meeting in grad school (gen x). I admit to being very skeptical when my nephew married his girlfriend right out of college - I thought they were too young. That was maybe five years ago and now have a young child and a house in a far-flung suburb where they could afford more space. They seem very happy as far as I can tell.

The older I get and more life experience I have, the more I have a live-and-let-live, good-luck-to-them and best-wishes perspective. There's more than one path to a happy life.

[Anonymous]

Sign of the economic times. Better to join resources as a two-income household to be able to work towards goals like saving up to buy a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those are starter marriages. Too immature to know what they want in life, it's hard, divorce and move on.

Marriage is hard, period. Whether you are 22 or 32. Either way, you likely haven’t known the person you are marrying for very long. Plus knowing someone as a single person with no kids, there is no telling how someone will become in the trenches of a decade married with three kids. Personally I think marrying younger gives you a chance at a slightly better outcome. When people (women) marry in their 30s, there is usually some element of pressure they are running out of time to find a mate. They are more likely to settle for “good enough.” As where, if you are early 20s and want to marry, chances are it’s because you feel you’ve found the best person ever, there cant possibly be better fit for you, and you want to commit now. The other benefit to marrying young, if it doesn’t work out, you are much younger going back into the dating pool for round two.

This. I know this is anecdotal but the happiest couples I personally know who have stayed together are those who married their high school or college sweethearts. I feel like there's just this unbreakable bond and friendship and shared history that they have that surpasses kids. People I know including myself who married in their 30s were driven more on a timeline. Example, get married by this age, then buy a house a year later, have kids two years later, and so on.

[Anonymous]

We married at 27/25 and had kids a year later. Oldest is a high school senior. Every time I see a guy my age pushing a stroller or lugging junk through an airport I feel sorry for him. I think the whole idea we had about dedicating your 20/30s to work so you can make senior manager and be on the cusp of partner, then start a family, are backwards.

Oh, and by the way, they don’t tell you your kids are going to be entitled spoiled brats in their teenage years because you have the financial resources to provide for them, but not the energy to fully parent them. If this is early marriage trend is happening, I think it’s positive for our society.

And I agree with the pp, we have lots of friends that dedicated their 20/30s to their careers, and are now rich, single, 40 somethings.

[Anonymous]

It's easier to find a good partner in college or grad school than after. You are surrounded by hundreds of single people your age all day long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are starter marriages. Too immature to know what they want in life, it's hard, divorce and move on.

Not necessarily. We did this in 1999, married right out of college, and have been happily married since!
Both partners need to be mature for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sign of the economic times. Better to join resources as a two-income household to be able to work towards goals like saving up to buy a house.

If I am $30k in student debt, I’m not likely to burden my spouse with it. He might have his own student loan debt. Getting married means his debt is my debt too. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

If it's a teenage wedding then the old folks should wish them well.

[Anonymous]

There’s reams of data on this. The younger people get married, the higher the chance they divorce.

[Anonymous]

The vast majority of women who marry right out of college will become financially dependent on their spouse. It’s a fact. The data unambiguously show this. I know no college educated woman who married in her early 20s (and is still married to the same guy) who is making over $1MM a year. Women give up a LOT getting married young; they just don’t know it. They give up almost all career upside. If they wait until late 20s/early 30s, it’s a very different story. They end up following the guy around for 8-10 years while he is hitting the s-curve in his career. It’s painful to watch. Get financially independent, then get married. You people are naive.

[Anonymous]

It's not a momentary "thing". It's always been happening but with certain socio-demographics and personality types.
People who know what direction they are headed are usually attracted to each other and are in particular careers that require long term investment and strategy. These people are planners and know what they want.
People who don't know what they are doing after college are likely also dating without knowing what they are looking for in a mate. So they are not committing - to anything.
The former makes their life happen, the latter lets life happen.

I worked with a few women who married early and had two under 30. No, they weren't flaky and immature. Actually, they were the opposite. Both sought professional licensure early, took the required exams, had steady boyfriend turned husband who also worked on a professional level. They also had supportive families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s reams of data on this. The younger people get married, the higher the chance they divorce.

Not for college educated people.