80 yo dad married undocumented housekeeper 6 months after my mother’s death

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, this is a terrible situation. Contact his estate lawyer to express concerns, try to go visit unannounced and see what’s happening, reach out to any of his friends/friends of your mother’s to see if they can help you just need to get back into his life.

[Anonymous]

I'm convinced estate laws need to be changed. I have so many friend who have been in this situation. Sure, dad can do whatever he wants with his money, but a lot of that money was likely OP's moms and she didn't want it going to a future wife. Or grandparents' money that they wanted to flow down to generations and not out of the family.

FWIW my grandpa was married to someone for only 2 years and she got everything.

[Anonymous]

She can’t have immediately turned around and hoodwinked him.

This sounds like a situation where the dad has been in decline and the housekeeper has been his caregiver (possibly mom’s too).

They’re probably intertwined in a lot of ways and some of them may not be healthy/pure, but it sounds like OP doesn’t know what’s been going on.

OP, he’s allowed to give his money to whomever he wants. If you’re worried about his safety, focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Report and deport

[Anonymous]

People who are in cognitive decline are so vulnerable and they need so much care, and adult children often really, really don’t realize what is happening.

If there is a person there every day in the trenches of the daily care, it makes perfect sense to me that the elder person would feel love for that person and want to give/leave them money. People live in the present.

[Anonymous]

My father was taken advantage like this, but did not marry. Fortunately my mother’s estate was already tied up in trust for us. However, the caregiver was stealing from him. I took over as caregiver when I realized and took her off of his accounts, one by one. It’s worth it to supervise their care, trust me. He didn’t know how much had been stolen, and when he found out he was very embarrassed. Sounds like your dad is ashamed of what’s going on. I hope there was a pre-nup.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are a lot of nasty replies on here which you should disregard entirely - people are very understandably sickened by the ICE raids occurring around the country and the fact that hardworking mostly law abiding people have been the targets, instead of the violent criminals the government promised to focus on.

Setting aside the immigration issue, since you don't know your stepmother's status, here is my advice as a former prosecutor:

Unless your dad is a major a**hole and you just never noticed, the massive change in his behavior toward you since your mother's death suggests to me that perhaps your mother was covering for his cognitive decline - as partners often do, not even intentionally, but just because as female partners they've been holding the rope on their husband's lives since the honeymoon ended and it is second nature.

When a man especially has begun into cognitive decline, all that stuff they never wanted to do nor were particularly good at suddenly feels beyond overwhelming. They often grasp at the first lifeline who will pick up the rope the deceased wife dropped. This makes them particularly vulnerable to elder abuse by caregivers or new partners.

I would urge you to sit down with an elder law attorney to discuss the options available to you regarding this situation. It might hurt your relationship (already stilted by new wife's control) but it seems like it could be advisable to call adult protective and request an assessment of your father for soundness of mind, and depending on the results, go from there. It might be in the jurisdiction where he resides you have no recourse whatsoever, but at least you will have peace of mind knowing you've done all you can.

I know lots of folks criticized you about concerns for your inheritance, but those aren't awful it's your mom's legacy too - but as a former prosecutor, I *do* know that there is potential here for your dad to be badly hurt and/or ended for his fortune. People should always be concerned when a situation like this arises in the life of a cherished elder - there are plenty of predators who make their living stealing from old folks and some end up doing them in.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes her “very shady” aside from your perception? I don’t think there’s much you can do, in any case.

She was the housekeeper from two different overseas nations and ended up here as a domestic servant. Her two prior husbands (one in Middle East, one in Philippines are dead), and she has like 10-15 different fb profiles with contradictory information. She had lied to my father about easily confirmed facts (where her children lie/work etc). She is also wearing a large diamond ring and he is acting uncharacteristically. It’s like someone took my dad and replaced him with an incredibly stupid and unkind old man who looks like him. I’m blindsided by his idiocy, his arrogance, and his apparent plan to leave his entire estate to this pirate.

If she was an undocumented person with no citizenship papers, what would happen if I call police or file a report to ICE or APS? Could she get deported? Is marriage fraud a crime?

Jesus Christ! You sound deranged with the stalking of this innocent soul! How do you sleep at knowing you will burn in Hell when you die for being such a shitty daughter?

What kind of innocent soul lies and has multiple social media sites with conflicting stories about her life? Come on. This woman is not an innocent soul.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks this person is a troll?

[Anonymous]

MYOB
Hope they have a pre nup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only white women are allowed to marry old guys for money?

Touche

[Anonymous]

This happened to a relative and it turned out the woman already had a living husband in Mexico so she didn't get anything whe he died. It didn't stop the old fool from spending a lot on her while he was alive though. He was 95 and she was 65.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gather evidence. Call ICE.

Don’t call ICE on anyone unless you know they are a violent criminal. Decent Americans wouldn’t even think of calling ICE on anyone unless someone was dangerousness.

If you would not have called the SS, don’t call ICE. There are at least five other, better options here. ICE raiding your father’s house and deporting a person who is his caregiver is not on that list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this person is a troll?

I think so too. Just another one set out to paint the immigrants in the worst possible way. But by only caring about her father's money herself, she is not coming across much better than wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gather evidence. Call ICE.

Sure have here sent to gulags in El Salvador b/c OP can't keep up with her dad.