Reply to 80 yo dad married undocumented housekeeper 6 months after my mother’s death

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Reply to "80 yo dad married undocumented housekeeper 6 months after my mother’s death"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, there are a lot of nasty replies on here which you should disregard entirely - people are very understandably sickened by the ICE raids occurring around the country and the fact that hardworking mostly law abiding people have been the targets, instead of the violent criminals the government promised to focus on.

Setting aside the immigration issue, since you don't know your stepmother's status, here is my advice as a former prosecutor:

Unless your dad is a major a**hole and you just never noticed, the massive change in his behavior toward you since your mother's death suggests to me that perhaps your mother was covering for his cognitive decline - as partners often do, not even intentionally, but just because as female partners they've been holding the rope on their husband's lives since the honeymoon ended and it is second nature.

When a man especially has begun into cognitive decline, all that stuff they never wanted to do nor were particularly good at suddenly feels beyond overwhelming. They often grasp at the first lifeline who will pick up the rope the deceased wife dropped. This makes them particularly vulnerable to elder abuse by caregivers or new partners.

I would urge you to sit down with an elder law attorney to discuss the options available to you regarding this situation. It might hurt your relationship (already stilted by new wife's control) but it seems like it could be advisable to call adult protective and request an assessment of your father for soundness of mind, and depending on the results, go from there. It might be in the jurisdiction where he resides you have no recourse whatsoever, but at least you will have peace of mind knowing you've done all you can.

I know lots of folks criticized you about concerns for your inheritance, but those aren't awful it's your mom's legacy too - but as a former prosecutor, I *do* know that there is potential here for your dad to be badly hurt and/or ended for his fortune. People should always be concerned when a situation like this arises in the life of a cherished elder - there are plenty of predators who make their living stealing from old folks and some end up doing them in.

Good luck, OP.[/quote]

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