Teen girl not having fun at beach week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Sounds like she went with the wrong group. Seriously, who just sits there and stays on the phone all day/night. It's the beach for crying out loud. Why can't the girls go to the beach, go to the boardwalk, look for boys, go shopping.. there's a million things that they could be doing but choosing to sit on the couch instead. Anyway, here's what I would do. Does she know anyone else not in her house that's at the beach? If so, can she hang out with them on the times that she's bored. If no, then let her know that you'd be okay with her going home; otherwise she can either suck it up or make suggestions to the other girls to do something fun- boardwalk, H20, find parties to go to at night, etc.

Nearly every teen does that now, if they have free time on their hands.

Yes, I get that. But I know teens including mine who are excited about socializing, spending time with friends, and partying it up at Beach Week. Yes, they'll have their phones with them, but they're not stopping these activities so they can sit on the couch and scroll through TikTok all day.

[Anonymous]

OP wrote "they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her." What is that about? I would be much more concerned about what led to that. Hard to advise without understanding the whole picture of her social abilities and environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote "they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her." What is that about? I would be much more concerned about what led to that. Hard to advise without understanding the whole picture of her social abilities and environment.

This is at least part of the problem.

OP’s kid went on a group trip and is going to the beach alone. She doesn’t get that it is a group hangout, and the other girls are probably not thrilled with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote "they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her." What is that about? I would be much more concerned about what led to that. Hard to advise without understanding the whole picture of her social abilities and environment.

This is at least part of the problem.

OP’s kid went on a group trip and is going to the beach alone. She doesn’t get that it is a group hangout, and the other girls are probably not thrilled with that.

+ 1

OP’s daughter needs to sit in the house and be on her phone like the other girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote "they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her." What is that about? I would be much more concerned about what led to that. Hard to advise without understanding the whole picture of her social abilities and environment.

This is at least part of the problem.

OP’s kid went on a group trip and is going to the beach alone. She doesn’t get that it is a group hangout, and the other girls are probably not thrilled with that.

It sounds like the other girls planned a group hang trip and OPs daughter planned a beach trip. It’s fine for her to go on her own a little. As a teen, I hated the whole “let’s take 4 hours to get ready” game girls play. I think it’s great she is willing to go to the beach on her own - she in inviting everyone to join her. It sucks all the other kids think playing on their phones is fun.

[Anonymous]

A big issue is that OP’s kid is just constantly texting her mom. There is such a thing as too much connectivity. In the past she’d have had to problem solve and figure this out herself and it would’ve built confidence and resilience. Now she just texts her mom every little frustration which isn’t helping the dynamic. She’s not alone in this, a lot of kids this age simply lack interpersonal tools because they default to texting their parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - none of them are drinking. They are on their phone in the evening. Just odd to me (but not really). I will mention to her to hang with them one morning even though it is just being on your phone (which she normally loves to do!).

It’s the phones.

The other girls’ phone addictions are more severe than your daughter’s phone / social media addiction.

Phones have ruined this generation.

+1

[Anonymous]

The beach isn’t really the point of beach week for most of the kids who go. I think she needs to tune into what the “point” is for these girls and then participate in that if she can/is interested, or else do her own thing and be ok with doing her own thing. For many kids, drinking and hooking up is the point. In fact I thought that was the whole point. For these girls, maybe the point is having the freedom to be on your phone all day with no parents telling you to stop. I don’t know, but this is a good exercise in social awareness.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, come back and let us know how beach week wound up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A big issue is that OP’s kid is just constantly texting her mom. There is such a thing as too much connectivity. In the past she’d have had to problem solve and figure this out herself and it would’ve built confidence and resilience. Now she just texts her mom every little frustration which isn’t helping the dynamic. She’s not alone in this, a lot of kids this age simply lack interpersonal tools because they default to texting their parent.

This is true. When my dd got to HS she went through some hard times with shifting of friend groups and dealing with social issues like with who you are seen walking around the football games. She used to text me a lot when she was upset, even during the school day and during those scary times. I supported her, but not every single time she texted. For example if I saw a complaint come via text during 1st period (she would take her phone to the bathroom to text me when she was upset) I waited a few hours and then texted back during her lunch hour “sorry was in a meeting—how did it turn out?” And by then she had calmed herself down and figured things out.

It’s okay for teens to be in uncomfortable situations (as long as they’re not in danger). It will help them learn to handle things in the future when they’re on their own. We aren’t helping if we are constantly trying to solve their problems for them. Doing that takes away their belief in themselves that they CAN handle difficult situations without mom or whomever to support them in every situation.

Being bored on a beach week is not an emergency and I wouldn’t have let my kid come home for that. It’s unfortunate that it wasn’t “classic beach week” for her, but she’s fine. I’m glad she ventured out by herself, THAT shows resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is at beach week with a group of friends who she knows through sports and classes. She isn't super close with any of them, but they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her.
She texted me today saying that she has been spending a bit of time by herself. The first day, a couple of the girls were bickering, so dd went to the beach. None of the other girls wanted to go. She goes back and she could tell there was a lot of crying.
Girls made up and things back to normal for the rest of the day although they wanted to hang out at the house watching tv and being on their phones.
The next day - dd woke up late and most of the girls were on their phones on the couch. She asked if anyone was going to the beach and they allw were interested. DD got ready but no one else did so she ended up going herself. Other girls showed up 2 hours later.
Today - same thing. Everyone wanted to just hang out on the couch so my daughter went to the beach by herself again. Some of the group showed up several hours later as my dd was headed home. She asked if they wanted to go to the boardwalk later and no interest.
Before heading to the beach, they talked about what they wanted to do but this isn't panning out.
So my dd is starting to wonder if it is her. she doesn't want to hang out at the house all day but is it wrong that she just goes off on her own?
In her words, everyone just seems annoyed.
I told her to do what she wants to do at this point and that none of this bickering has anything to do with her. They are there for another 3 days and she is wondering if she should just leave early. What advice would you giver her?

Who cares. Let her deal with it. This isn’t something you need to fix.

Maybe they’re hung over?

What is your problem? Clearly this mother cares about her kid. OP: I'd give her the option of coming home early. No need to waste her time with these girls who aren't very friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is at beach week with a group of friends who she knows through sports and classes. She isn't super close with any of them, but they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her.
She texted me today saying that she has been spending a bit of time by herself. The first day, a couple of the girls were bickering, so dd went to the beach. None of the other girls wanted to go. She goes back and she could tell there was a lot of crying.
Girls made up and things back to normal for the rest of the day although they wanted to hang out at the house watching tv and being on their phones.
The next day - dd woke up late and most of the girls were on their phones on the couch. She asked if anyone was going to the beach and they allw were interested. DD got ready but no one else did so she ended up going herself. Other girls showed up 2 hours later.
Today - same thing. Everyone wanted to just hang out on the couch so my daughter went to the beach by herself again. Some of the group showed up several hours later as my dd was headed home. She asked if they wanted to go to the boardwalk later and no interest.
Before heading to the beach, they talked about what they wanted to do but this isn't panning out.
So my dd is starting to wonder if it is her. she doesn't want to hang out at the house all day but is it wrong that she just goes off on her own?
In her words, everyone just seems annoyed.
I told her to do what she wants to do at this point and that none of this bickering has anything to do with her. They are there for another 3 days and she is wondering if she should just leave early. What advice would you giver her?

Who cares. Let her deal with it. This isn’t something you need to fix.

Maybe they’re hung over?

What is your problem? Clearly this mother cares about her kid. OP: I'd give her the option of coming home early. No need to waste her time with these girls who aren't very friendly.

Op never said the girls were unfriendly. Just that they’re kind of boring—don’t want to go to the beach or boardwalk.

People who let their kids solve their own problems and work through less than ideal situations also care about their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote "they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her." What is that about? I would be much more concerned about what led to that. Hard to advise without understanding the whole picture of her social abilities and environment.

This is at least part of the problem.

OP’s kid went on a group trip and is going to the beach alone. She doesn’t get that it is a group hangout, and the other girls are probably not thrilled with that.

+ 1

OP’s daughter needs to sit in the house and be on her phone like the other girls.

LMAO. "We are socializing on our phones!"
Probably texting each other from the same room. Lordy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The beach isn’t really the point of beach week for most of the kids who go. I think she needs to tune into what the “point” is for these girls and then participate in that if she can/is interested, or else do her own thing and be ok with doing her own thing. For many kids, drinking and hooking up is the point. In fact I thought that was the whole point. For these girls, maybe the point is having the freedom to be on your phone all day with no parents telling you to stop. I don’t know, but this is a good exercise in social awareness.

+1000

OP's daughter thinks this is a beach vacation. That isn't what it is. I am guessing there are some issues with social skills at play, as OP said something about her daughter being only a peripheral member of this friend group and how things had gone bad with the primary friend group. She isn't understanding what everyone else there understands -- drinking, hooking up, and staring at the phone and scrolling for hours without a parent telling you to stop it is the whole point of the trip. Not sitting on the beach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is at beach week with a group of friends who she knows through sports and classes. She isn't super close with any of them, but they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her.
She texted me today saying that she has been spending a bit of time by herself. The first day, a couple of the girls were bickering, so dd went to the beach. None of the other girls wanted to go. She goes back and she could tell there was a lot of crying.
Girls made up and things back to normal for the rest of the day although they wanted to hang out at the house watching tv and being on their phones.
The next day - dd woke up late and most of the girls were on their phones on the couch. She asked if anyone was going to the beach and they allw were interested. DD got ready but no one else did so she ended up going herself. Other girls showed up 2 hours later.
Today - same thing. Everyone wanted to just hang out on the couch so my daughter went to the beach by herself again. Some of the group showed up several hours later as my dd was headed home. She asked if they wanted to go to the boardwalk later and no interest.
Before heading to the beach, they talked about what they wanted to do but this isn't panning out.
So my dd is starting to wonder if it is her. she doesn't want to hang out at the house all day but is it wrong that she just goes off on her own?
In her words, everyone just seems annoyed.
I told her to do what she wants to do at this point and that none of this bickering has anything to do with her. They are there for another 3 days and she is wondering if she should just leave early. What advice would you giver her?

These aren’t her people. I’d let her know it is ok to leave early.