Teen girl not having fun at beach week

[Anonymous]

DD is at beach week with a group of friends who she knows through sports and classes. She isn't super close with any of them, but they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her.
She texted me today saying that she has been spending a bit of time by herself. The first day, a couple of the girls were bickering, so dd went to the beach. None of the other girls wanted to go. She goes back and she could tell there was a lot of crying.
Girls made up and things back to normal for the rest of the day although they wanted to hang out at the house watching tv and being on their phones.
The next day - dd woke up late and most of the girls were on their phones on the couch. She asked if anyone was going to the beach and they allw were interested. DD got ready but no one else did so she ended up going herself. Other girls showed up 2 hours later.
Today - same thing. Everyone wanted to just hang out on the couch so my daughter went to the beach by herself again. Some of the group showed up several hours later as my dd was headed home. She asked if they wanted to go to the boardwalk later and no interest.
Before heading to the beach, they talked about what they wanted to do but this isn't panning out.
So my dd is starting to wonder if it is her. she doesn't want to hang out at the house all day but is it wrong that she just goes off on her own?
In her words, everyone just seems annoyed.
I told her to do what she wants to do at this point and that none of this bickering has anything to do with her. They are there for another 3 days and she is wondering if she should just leave early. What advice would you giver her?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine to leave early if she’s not having fun. I also think she could try to just get on their schedule more — read a book in the morning and head to the beach later in the day, since that’s what it seems like they are doing. Maybe she could also put together with one or two that she knows better and try to motivate for a trip to boardwalk for the evening and then just see who else joins.

I personally think these beach weeks things are kind of overrated. The kids are exhausted, many don’t even really like the beach, etc. my impression is that there is a lot of just hanging out on phones, really. I never did it in HS but we did in when graduating college and had a ton of fun — I think we just knew how to make fun happen at that point and really appreciated having a break before starting jobs.

[Anonymous]

Are her friends all hung over or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is at beach week with a group of friends who she knows through sports and classes. She isn't super close with any of them, but they took her in after her prior friend group distanced themselves from her.
She texted me today saying that she has been spending a bit of time by herself. The first day, a couple of the girls were bickering, so dd went to the beach. None of the other girls wanted to go. She goes back and she could tell there was a lot of crying.
Girls made up and things back to normal for the rest of the day although they wanted to hang out at the house watching tv and being on their phones.
The next day - dd woke up late and most of the girls were on their phones on the couch. She asked if anyone was going to the beach and they allw were interested. DD got ready but no one else did so she ended up going herself. Other girls showed up 2 hours later.
Today - same thing. Everyone wanted to just hang out on the couch so my daughter went to the beach by herself again. Some of the group showed up several hours later as my dd was headed home. She asked if they wanted to go to the boardwalk later and no interest.
Before heading to the beach, they talked about what they wanted to do but this isn't panning out.
So my dd is starting to wonder if it is her. she doesn't want to hang out at the house all day but is it wrong that she just goes off on her own?
In her words, everyone just seems annoyed.
I told her to do what she wants to do at this point and that none of this bickering has anything to do with her. They are there for another 3 days and she is wondering if she should just leave early. What advice would you giver her?

Who cares. Let her deal with it. This isn’t something you need to fix.

Maybe they’re hung over?

[Anonymous]

She’s an adult now, either 18 or at least close to it. This is a good, low-stakes opportunity for her to practice managing on her own next year, and advocating for herself.

There’s no wrong answer here, no real way to fail, no major consequences. Sometimes in life, things just don’t work out the way we planned.

“That sounds hard, honey. But I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

[Anonymous]

OP here - none of them are drinking. They are on their phone in the evening. Just odd to me (but not really). I will mention to her to hang with them one morning even though it is just being on your phone (which she normally loves to do!).

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s safe for her to be going out alone - go pick her up and spend this extra time hanging out with your daughter at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s safe for her to be going out alone - go pick her up and spend this extra time hanging out with your daughter at home.

An adult going to the beach by themselves is as safe as most things in this world.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell her that if she's old enough to go to beach week she's old enough to decide how to handle not having fun at beach week. I wouldn't really give any advice beyond saying that.

[Anonymous]

I think you are way too involved in this OP.

[Anonymous]

It's them. They want to do beach week to tell ppl on social media but are not adventurous. She will find her people.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to adjust to their going to the beach later in the day. If there are one or two she’s closer to, maybe she can get them to go browse shops or get coffee out or whatever.

[Anonymous]

16:53. I hit submit too soon.

I meant to add that I know it can be lonely and/or annoying to be on a different wavelength, especially with people who are always on their phones. This crowd sounds unadventurous, as PP said.

Since they DO eventually get to the beach, for the next couple of days she should try her best to go when they go. And she can see if anyone wants to go for a pedicure or whatever in the earlier part of the day. She shouldn’t leave early bc that will have worse social effects than just sticking out a so-so vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The next day - dd woke up late and most of the girls were on their phones on the couch. She asked if anyone was going to the beach and they allw were interested. DD got ready but no one else did so she ended up going herself. Other girls showed up 2 hours later.
Today - same thing. Everyone wanted to just hang out on the couch so my daughter went to the beach by herself again. Some of the group showed up several hours later as my dd was headed home. She asked if they wanted to go to the boardwalk later and no interest.
Before heading to the beach, they talked about what they wanted to do but this isn't panning out.
So my dd is starting to wonder if it is her. she doesn't want to hang out at the house all day but is it wrong that she just goes off on her own?
In her words, everyone just seems annoyed.

A generation of introverts and weirdoes are being created by smartphones and social media.

Tell her to get out and meet some people. She doesn't have to travel in a pack like most introverts do.

She will better be able to meet people when she is by herself also. People are also reluctant to approach groups, so being by herself and going out is double effective at being sociable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are way too involved in this OP.

Yeah, it's time to let her navigate friendships on her own. You're smothering.