Teen girl not having fun at beach week

[Anonymous]

Offer to drive and pick her up. Do not make her feel like she needs to stay there all week. Contrive some unexpected family thing as the reason she needs to come home early so other girls will not get upset with her.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to leave early but she should not ask for her money back.

Is she an only child? Do you guys let her run the schedule a lot at home? It sounds a bit like she might not be good at going with the flow and compromising on timing, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to leave early but she should not ask for her money back.

Is she an only child? Do you guys let her run the schedule a lot at home? It sounds a bit like she might not be good at going with the flow and compromising on timing, etc.

+1. It sounds like they go to the beach later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s safe for her to be going out alone - go pick her up and spend this extra time hanging out with your daughter at home.

An adult going to the beach by themselves is as safe as most things in this world.

NP and this depends on the beach and where they are. The first thing this post did was make me worry about her safety being alone there.

But I agree with the others, OP is way too involved. She went and it’s time for her to manage this without texting or calling home daily about what the others are doing.

[Anonymous]

It's a good early lesson that people have different travel/vacation styles and you either adapt or choose not to travel with them again. It's not wrong for her friends to want to spend their vacation lazing around and not getting going until the afternoon; it's just that your daughter is more of an "up and at em" traveller. So, now she knows that next time she plans a trip she needs to figure out if she's on the same page as the other people about what they plan to do.

I hate traveling with one of my closest friends because she and her husband are sleep until noon on vacation people and I am up early and want to go do stuff. So, we just don't. We sometimes end up at house rentals together, and we've all learned that we don't wait for Jen in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a good early lesson that people have different travel/vacation styles and you either adapt or choose not to travel with them again. It's not wrong for her friends to want to spend their vacation lazing around and not getting going until the afternoon; it's just that your daughter is more of an "up and at em" traveller. So, now she knows that next time she plans a trip she needs to figure out if she's on the same page as the other people about what they plan to do.

I hate traveling with one of my closest friends because she and her husband are sleep until noon on vacation people and I am up early and want to go do stuff. So, we just don't. We sometimes end up at house rentals together, and we've all learned that we don't wait for Jen in the morning.

I’m a PP and this is an excellent point. Thinking of the beach family vacations with my own teens- one is up and ready to go to out for the day. The other wants to go on it at sunset for maybe 30 min. Neither are wrong with their preferences.

[Anonymous]

These girls ARE going to the beach, but they are doing it LATER than your daughter thinks they should. Why can't she just go herself if she wants to go early, and understand that some people, when on vacation, like to have a later start and some lounging/veg-out time? Why is she in a tailspin over the fact that her friends want to go to the beach later than she does?

And why are you so involved in this? If you just told her to go to the beach earlier if she wants, since she knows her friends want to go later, this would not have escalated to this point. Have you been chatting back and forth about it to the point that it is now such a big issue she wants to leave?

I wonder if this is the reason your daughter has had friendship issues. Being rigid and getting upset because the rest of the group doesn't want to do things your way are not qualities that will benefit your daughter in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - none of them are drinking. They are on their phone in the evening. Just odd to me (but not really). I will mention to her to hang with them one morning even though it is just being on your phone (which she normally loves to do!).

It’s the phones.

The other girls’ phone addictions are more severe than your daughter’s phone / social media addiction.

Phones have ruined this generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These girls ARE going to the beach, but they are doing it LATER than your daughter thinks they should. Why can't she just go herself if she wants to go early, and understand that some people, when on vacation, like to have a later start and some lounging/veg-out time? Why is she in a tailspin over the fact that her friends want to go to the beach later than she does?

And why are you so involved in this? If you just told her to go to the beach earlier if she wants, since she knows her friends want to go later, this would not have escalated to this point. Have you been chatting back and forth about it to the point that it is now such a big issue she wants to leave?

I wonder if this is the reason your daughter has had friendship issues. Being rigid and getting upset because the rest of the group doesn't want to do things your way are not qualities that will benefit your daughter in the future.

+1
This is it exactly. Your dd is probably coming off as incredibly antisocial. What is she doing when she goes back from the beach? Why can’t she do that in the am and then go with them? Or if she insists on going to the beach early, why can’t she stay there longer once they arrive?

[Anonymous]

this sounds like typical beach week stuff - friends fighting, lots of crying, kids who don't want to do anything. sounds like your daughter was peripheral to the group and still is. She can try being on their schedule, she can keep doing her own thing, or she can come home. whatever feels right. I don't think she is antisocial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are way too involved in this OP.

I can't wrap my head around the mom knowing all these minute details of the day and who said what and blah blah. Yes, OP, perhaps your daughter is part of the problem. The problem being she's spending all day talking to mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are way too involved in this OP.

I can't wrap my head around the mom knowing all these minute details of the day and who said what and blah blah. Yes, OP, perhaps your daughter is part of the problem. The problem being she's spending all day talking to mom.

+ 1
Usually I am the one who thinks moms are a good sounding board to advise our young daughters. But just by your TLDR original post, you know too many irrelevant details and sound biased and not be able to advise your daughter to go with the flow and try and get along and not go next time. It’s 1 week!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a great lesson to learn that sometimes you’re out of sync with the people around you, and that you can do your own thing. What a gift to be able to be alone and okay, and to be able to choose that sometimes — there’s a real freedom in that.

Agree she should feel free to go home — things like this usually are overrated (I put New Year’s Eve in the same category) — but that she shouldn’t ask for her money back.

Your kid sounds cool. All you have to do is listen, ask her what she needs, maybe gently point out that she’s learning things about herself, and that’s good, even when it doesn’t feel great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These girls ARE going to the beach, but they are doing it LATER than your daughter thinks they should. Why can't she just go herself if she wants to go early, and understand that some people, when on vacation, like to have a later start and some lounging/veg-out time? Why is she in a tailspin over the fact that her friends want to go to the beach later than she does?

And why are you so involved in this? If you just told her to go to the beach earlier if she wants, since she knows her friends want to go later, this would not have escalated to this point. Have you been chatting back and forth about it to the point that it is now such a big issue she wants to leave?

I wonder if this is the reason your daughter has had friendship issues. Being rigid and getting upset because the rest of the group doesn't want to do things your way are not qualities that will benefit your daughter in the future.

+1
This is it exactly. Your dd is probably coming off as incredibly antisocial. What is she doing when she goes back from the beach? Why can’t she do that in the am and then go with them? Or if she insists on going to the beach early, why can’t she stay there longer once they arrive?

Bingo! Can she make breakfast for everyone or just relax then go to the beach later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are way too involved in this OP.

I can't wrap my head around the mom knowing all these minute details of the day and who said what and blah blah. Yes, OP, perhaps your daughter is part of the problem. The problem being she's spending all day talking to mom.

+ 1
Usually I am the one who thinks moms are a good sounding board to advise our young daughters. But just by your TLDR original post, you know too many irrelevant details and sound biased and not be able to advise your daughter to go with the flow and try and get along and not go next time. It’s 1 week!

It is the phones.

Mom is getting hourly updates on beach week; DD is sending hourly updates, by:

PHONE.

And what would the kids rather do at the beach? Sit on their phones.

What is the problem with this whole picture?